Tiger Woods wins Best Actor Bafta for his portrayal of ‘remorseful man’

author avatar by 14 years ago

Tiger Woods was a surprise winner at last night’s Baftas, picking up the Best Actor award for his portrayal of a remorseful professional athlete in the Internet sensation, “Tiger Woods says sorry for all the shagging around and that”.

Woods was not thought to have been nominated, but such was the strength of his recent performance that the committee felt that it had no option but to include him.

One judge told us, “It might have been late in the day, but that performance by Woods completely blew me away. As it did for everyone else who saw it.”

“I found myself genuinely believing the character to be remorseful for his actions, and it is testament to his acting ability that we were able to suspend our disbelief that it was clearly serial-shagger Tiger Woods delivering those lines up there on screen.”


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The live performance, delivered on Friday afternoon to an audience of millions, has received an unprecedented number of positive reviews.

“We didn’t know he had such ability,” said one reviewer, with another concluding, “Any man who can fake remorse that convincingly is clearly destined for the White House.”

The performance has led to speculation that Martin Scorcese is interested in giving him a part in his next movie as a dead-eyed mob hitman, who becomes remorseful when caught by the police.

A clearly delighted Woods accepted his award by satellite link from the playboy mansion, opening with a joke about the award by asking, “Can I have sex with it?”

He continued, “Seriously, I have a new found respect for my acting colleagues, as I now understand the level of effort, commitment and rehearsal that goes into delivering a truly believable performance.”

“It is genuinely humbling to be recognised by my peers for my efforts in putting together this film.  Actually, that was me acting again, it’s getting quite easy, isn’t it?”

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