by Liam Gallagher was last night awarded the Brit award for Best Spoilt Teenager – known as the ‘Kevin’ – for his performance as thoroughly unlikeable Oasis front-man, Liam Gallagher.
Gallagher accepted his award in traditional fashion, without once breaking character, and by insulting the audience before hurling the microphone and award into the crowd.
A Brits organiser said, “It was an epic performance. We’ve seen previous ‘Kevin’ winners break down and offer thanks to the people who put them there, but not Liam, he was the spoiled brat we’ve come to expect, right to the bitter end.”
“This award is in recognition of the efforts made by 37 year-old Gallagher with his magnificent achievement in retaining the personality of a spoilt 14 year-old child.”
Act
Organisers suggested that it is almost impossible for a grown man to behave this way without feeling the need to be a little bit nice from time to time, and for that Gallagher should be celebrated.
“People think it’s all for the cameras, but let me assure you that he told everyone backstage that ‘I hate you I hate you I hate you and I wish you were all dead.’ before storming off to the dressing room.”
“We thought throwing the award away was a particularly nice touch, very reminiscent of Christmas morning spent with a particularly ungrateful teenager who didn’t get the PS3 they’d demanded.”
“His total commitment to acting like a despicable arsehole is truly commendable. He truly is a role model to millions. Millions of thoroughly dreadful individuals, obviously.”
“Wannabe dicks should take note, he can still pull it off as he approaches his 40th birthday and despite having three kids. Will they be able to do that?”
Gallagher spat at reporters when approached for comment.
