The UK inflation rate rose to 3.5% in January, the fastest rise in 14 months, shortly after the Government raised the price of everything by putting VAT back up to 17.5%
In the face of panic over spiralling inflation, the greatest economic minds in the country have struggled to explain to the public how the Government making things more expensive, has forced up the price of everything.
“We feel that calling this 3.5% ‘inflation’ is a little unfair, as generally speaking the prices of most things have stayed the same or got cheaper,” argued one leading economist.
“However, the Government has increased VAT, and petrol prices have also risen, so from now on we advocated referring to these price rises as the ‘tax and petrol measure’.”
“The sooner people understand the simple process of economic cause and effect, the sooner we can all stop getting in a flap about every fucking little thing.”
The news is not all bad however, with forecasts suggesting price rises might not continue to bring about the end of the world as we know it.
“Unfortunately, convention dictates that the Chairman of the Bank of England has to write to the Chancellor to explain why inflation has risen above 3%.”
“This letter is expected to be the shortest one ever written, containing simply the words, ‘You bloody did it!’.”
“Thankfully, we’re expecting the tax and petrol measure to drop below the target 2% by the end of the year. Unless of course the Government decide to do some more taxing of everything, or OPEC decide to tear us a new one.”