Muggers desperate to be first to steal new Apple iPad

author avatar by 14 years ago

The nation’s technology savvy muggers were today gearing up for the race to be the first person to steal the new Apple iPad.

As Steve Jobs introduced the world to his newest creation, muggers and thieves were already making plans to get one of their very own.

One image conscious thief from London said, “Man, I love Apple products, they’re just awesome. I was saying just the other day, if there’s one thing wrong with the iPod Touch, it’s that it’s not really, really, big.”

“Thankfully Steve Jobs has addressed this concern and has brought out a frankly massive iPod Touch, and I can’t wait to get my hands on it.”

“But best of all, the type of person that is likely to buy one is really, really, easy to steal from.”

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“In fact, there’s this guy who walks home from the station every day – I call him Graham – and he looks like the sort of person who would buy an iPad.  I think I’ll follow him home on the day it comes out.”


A large number of criminals do not want wait, and will be looking to get their hands on the iPad on the day of release.

One told us, “Myself and a few other muggers are planning to camp out across the street from the Apple story on the day of release.”

“We’ll probably mentally pair ourselves up with the people camping out to buy an iPad, so it will help to get there nice and early.”

“Then, when they release it at midnight, we’ll be there to get our hands on this wonderful shiny new toy.”

“I aim to bagsy the very first customer out of the store, and have the new iPad in my possession before they reach the tube station.”

“Hopefully they’ll be some weakling nerd hoping to look cool and it will be a nice, straightforward transaction.”

“God bless Steve Jobs.”

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