Anger as everyone insists public debt should be paid by everyone else

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There were angry scenes last night as budgetary measures announced by Chancellor Alistair Darling meant that paying for the recession is something to be done by you and I, and not other people.

Darling announced a range of measures aimed at reducing the country’s crippling debts, like getting bankers to pay 50% tax on bonuses and adding a fraction of a pence to National Insurance.

However, the realisation that the entire national debt was not going to be taken care of by someone else has left many people extremely unhappy.

James Hill, 29 told us, “Hey, I’m all for cutting the deficit, and if that means cuts in public spending and higher taxes, so be it.  So long as the services I receive aren’t affected and I don’t have to pay any more tax.”

“I’m delighted with the move to tax bankers, because I am not a banker.”

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“Look, I know enough about economics to know that that something must be done, and I am quite happy with that, so long as it is done by someone else.”


The Conservatives have criticised the measures announced by Labour as lacking imagination.

Shadow Chancellor Georgoe Osborne said, “Everybody knows they are never going to get the chance to implement half of these measures anyway, so why not be creative?”

“If they’d offered blow jobs on the NHS, or money to watch daytime television, they might have secured a less embarrassing time at the polls come May.”

“But no, they want to play ‘make believe’ and would rather cling to the insane notion that they will be in power next summer.”

“Admittedly, the ‘old boiler’ scrappage scheme sounded interesting – letting ageing northern men trade in Maude for one of those Jordan models sounded promising, but then they started talking about plumbing – the idiots.”

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