by The Yorkshire and Chelsea building societies have announced plans to merge and create the perfect organisation to cater for the country’s nouveau rich whippet-breeding snobs.
The move comes after both organisations admitted defeat in being able to attract sufficient clients in their natural demographic and agreeing that a Chelsea Yorkshire hybrid is actually the perfect customer profile.
A spokesman for the new organisation told us, “People will say this could never work, as Chelsea and Yorkshire are essentially different planets, but we are confident this will all go swimmingly. I mean, wi owt issue.”
“Our managers are being retrained to be equally at home discussing the career of Geoffrey Boycott whilst empathising with the depreciation of your west London property portfolio.”
“And all branches will offer you the choice of tea or Grande Caramel Macchiato with an extra shot, whilst our cloak rooms now allow us to accommodate equal numbers of both flat caps and Hermes scarves.”
Customers
Despite significant scepticism, the new society is confident that all existing customers will be delighted with the move.
“There is nothing a Yorkshireman enjoys more than the thought of his life savings subsidising the mortgage of a cockney in a house that costs more than his street.”
“Then of course there is the football to unite the two regions, as both Chelsea and Leeds United have built a significant reputation of making friends wherever they go.”
“There really is nothing at all that can wrong with this plan.”
