North west train stations to be brought into 1970s

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The Transport secretary Lord Adonis has announced a £50m programme to bring the most dilapidated train stations in the North West up to 1970s standards.

With many stations maintaining the ambience of a Victorian workhouse, the improvements are seen as essential in stopping travellers thinking they have somehow travelled back in time to the Industrial revolution.

The move has been welcomed by commuters using the Preston station.

“I’m delighted.  Reading train announcements written in chalk by a man who left school at 11, and pissing into a hole in the ground is so 1940s.”

“It will be nice for our station to have such modern furnishings as an avocado bathroom suite.  I hear they were planning on giving a Filofax to the station manager, but it was deemed too extravagantly modern.”

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However, not all station users think the upgrade is a good thing.

“Using this station showed me just how lucky we are to live in a society with cars, colour television and the Internet.” said one disappointed commuter.

“Any time I feel down, I find that an hour waiting for a train here makes me realise just how tough my great grandad had it, and how lucky I am I can leave facilities like this behind me at the end of every day.”

“These stations are like a little oasis of yesteryear, and by investing so they are only thirty five years behind modern standards, we are losing part of ourselves.  A really old and dilapidated part.”