UK set to celebrate night of home grown terrorism

author avatar by 15 years ago

The UK is preparing to celebrate an evening of great British terrorism by burning effigies of Guy Fawkes – the country’s most famous terrorist – on bonfires the length and breadth of the country.

As the world cowers from the threat of global terror organisations, the UK will enjoy a night spent extolling the virtues of Guy Fawkes, the man who invented the very genre of domestic terrorism.

“Al Qaeda think they invented blowing stuff up?” said one bonfire party planner.

“Not a chance. We Brits were planning world-class explosions four hundred years ago while they were still living in caves. Well, worse caves.”

“Even now they haven’t found a good way of doing it without blowing themselves up at the same time, the bloody amateurs.”

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However, not everyone is planning to spend tonight celebrating the life of Guy Fawkes by burning through fifty quid’s worth of thoroughly disappointing pyrotechnics.

James Noble, who is planning to spend the night in front of the television, told us, “Isn’t it just typical of the Brits to celebrate a glorious failure?”

“It’s much like the country fawning all over Frank Bruno and Tim Henman, except this bloke was rubbish at blowing things up rather than rubbish at sport.”

“These idiots with the really big fires and expensive fireworks are basically mocking Guy Fawkes for failing, by showing him that THIS is what a proper explosion looks like.”

“It’s like celebrating our glorious recession with ostentatious displays of wealth.  Yet no-one seems to think that’s a good idea – well, apart from bankers.”

Historians have pointed out that one of the main benefits of this evening is the fact that everyone will probably once again realise just what a truly excellent idea blowing up Parliament with everyone inside, actually is.