Boris Johnson to tackle crime as alter-ego ‘The Blond Buffoon’

author avatar by 15 years ago

London mayor Boris Johnson  – who yesterday began his crime-fighting career by rescuing a woman who was being attacked by an armed group of young girls – has insisted it was the work of super-hero The Blond Buffoon.

The Blond Buffoon, who bears a striking resemblance to the Mayor wearing a mask, saved a young woman by chasing away a group of young female thugs whilst wielding an iron bar.

“It was amazing,” said victim Franny Armstrong.

“All I heard was this rickety bike, followed by a flash of unkempt white blond hair and an ill-fitting suit, and then he chased them away before coming back to mumble some thanks about looking after his bike.”

“I said ‘thank you Boris’ but he insisted his name was The Blond Buffoon, and that any resemblance to such a dashing and charming public figure was purely coincidental.”

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“He claimed was sent here by the Mayor to keep the streets safe.”

Crime Fighting

A spokesman for the London Mayor has insisted Johnson is not the masked crusader, but commended him on his public-spirited actions.

“Though we obviously do not condone vigilante justice, the actions of Boris, I mean The Buffoon, were courageous in the extreme.”

Rumours have already been spreading on the Internet as to the powers that The Blond Buffoon may possess beyond an uncanny ability to make everyone around him feel embarrassed.

“I read that he has x-ray vision and a strong background in fiscal management,” speculated one.

“I heard he has the strength of one and a half MPs, but that Scousers are his Kryptonite.” said another.

The Met Police have said they have no immediate plans to call on the services of the Blond Buffoon, unless they accidentally shoot someone else and need a really entertaining distraction.

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