Politics is no place for truth, minister tells sacked drugs Tsar

author avatar by 15 years ago

Gordon Brown encouraged the sacking of the UK’s former chief drugs adviser, Professor David Nutt, for trying to introduce an element of truth into the political process.

Professor Nutt was sacked for using scientific research and empirical evidence to suggest that drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes was far more harmful than chilling out with the odd camberwell carrot.

Nutt used a letter to the Guardian to outline extensive research which had shown that cannabis posed significantly less risk than than previously thought, also suggesting that the government were a bunch of fucking idiots for raising it to a Category B drug.

Final Straw

“This was the final straw,” said Home Secretary Alan Johnson after sacking Nutt.

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“Truth, evidence and the scientific method are words that have no place in the corridors of Whitehall.”

“If we based all of our decisions on ‘scientific facts’, can you imagine what this place would be like?”

“We’d lose billions overnight in tax revenue from smoking and drinking, which is why the Professor doesn’t make policy for this Government – he has not a care in the world for the financial implications of his recommendations.”

“Deaths from alcohol and smoking related diseases might be significantly more than from drugs, but at least we make a lot of money from them.  We don’t get a penny from the drug takers.”


The Government has come in for significant criticism from all quarters for ignoring someone who knows significantly more than them about the matter at hand.

“Look, he simply cannot advise something based on evidence, AND campaign for that advice to be made policy,” continued Johnson.

“Otherwise what is the bloody point of all of us politicians, eh?”

“Oh hang on, I’ve not thought this particular argument through to its logical conclusion.”

Ministers spent the night trying to avoid the controversy by relaxing with a glass of expensive brandy and a nice cigar.

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