All parents to spend weekend assuming you are a paedophile

author avatar by 14 years ago

Parents accompanying their young children on Trick or Treat evenings this Halloween will only be doing so because they assume you are a filthy paedophile, a survey suggests today.

The sight of a six year old-child dressed as a fairy being held firmly by the hand by a grown man with a menacing stare has become commonplace in recent years.

One non-pervert told us, “It’s increasingly difficult to open the door and hand over sweets without actually making any direct eye contact with the child.”

“I seriously don’t even know what half of them are wearing as I simply look into the sky and pass out Starbursts.”


Having a quick chat with the young children who’ve made the effort to dress up has also been removed from the agenda on Halloween.

“I made the mistake of commenting how cute a young witch looked last year, only to have her father scream at me that I was being a filthy pervert.” said one respondent.

“There were plenty of tears as a result of all that shouting, let me tell you, even the young girl started at one point.”


Law makers have sympathised with those accosted in their own homes and admit they are in something of a lose-lose situation.

“It’s hard, because the children are essentially being encouraged to demand money with menaces, a criminal offence,” said one respondent from the legal profession.

“Yet complying with that demand can easily get the word ‘PAEDO’ daubed in red paint on your front door.”

“It’s a very fine line to draw.  I think I’ll just sit in the dark and pretend I’m out this year.”

Parents have defended their overly-protective stance insisting you might not even know you are a paedophile.

One parent of a six year-old girl told us, “Yes, I know Mr Glover at number 26 volunteers at the church and regularly chats to me in the pub, but there is noway I’d trust him alone near my child when she’s dressed completely inappropriately for her age.”