Gordon Ramsay undergoes further face-stretching procedure

author avatar by 15 years ago

Following the successful removal of two chin wrinkles, celebrity profanity distributor Gordon Ramsay has undergone a revolutionary face-stretching plastic surgery technique in order to rid his face of its remaining trademark wrinkles.

The process, whereby an implant is placed under the patients face, stretches the dimensions of their head until the spare skin absorbed leaving the ‘slightly’ larger face taught and young looking.

Ramsay, whose face was stretched to an impressive three feet by two feet six inches to remove all wrinkles, is said to be pleased with the results.

“I’m completely wrinkle free and look thirty years younger,” Ramsay told US television executives.

“Taking advice from Simon Cowell about how to look good for television is literally the best thing I’ve ever done.”

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“Sure, my super-wide new face gets a few odd looks on the street, but what celebrity doesn’t get that from time to time?”


Following the success of Ramsay’s procedure, other extremely vain wrinkly celebrities who are trying to break America are said to be considering having the same work done.

“There are a few downsides,” continued Ramsay.

“Hats are a problem, and I’ll never find a motorcycle helmet to fit me now, for example.”

“Plus it takes about forty minutes shave each morning.”

“And the sous-chef at Claridge’s has started calling me The Mekon, which unfortunately seems to be taking off among the staff.”

“But I always correct him – it’s a Mekon that doesn’t look a day over twenty-five!”

With the easily updated procedure representing a lifelong commitment to ongoing wrinkle-removal, Ramsay’s face is expected to be four feet wide by the time he reaches 50.