Beckham to perform sexually for wives of 2018 World Cup panel

author avatar by 15 years ago

The Football Association has come under fire after offering the sexual services of David Beckham to the wives of all 25 members of FIFA’s 2018 World Cup committee.

After securing twenty-five extremely rare Mulberry handbags for the wives of the committee members voting on the host of the 2018 World Cup, it has been decided that Beckham’s sexual services could be the ace in the pack.

“What do women want more than a really expensive, yet not entirely practical, handbag?  That’s right, a night of raw monkey sex with David Beckham.” said England’s bid Chief Executive Andy Anson.

“Fortunately David is a true professional and will take this all in his stride, I’m sure.”


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England are already playing catch-up after Australia and Qatar – the other nations bidding to hold the 2018 World Cup – gave FIFA delegates a branded goody bag at a conference last month.

“We sought volunteers from the current squad, but the only person who seemed even remotely interested in sleeping with a number of old women from around the world was Wayne Rooney – but we’re not sure that’s the image we’re after.”

“If Wayne tries to seduce them then the chances are we’d be moved lower than Burkino Faso in the hosting pecking order.”

When questioned about how the FA would ensure Beckham agrees to undertake such a potentially unpleasant assignment, Anson said it would be easy.

“We’ll tell him it’s a sponsorship assignment, he’ll do absolutely anything if you put a big enough check in front of him.”