Nice man wins Nobel prize for meeting job description

author avatar by 15 years ago

US President Barack Obama has been awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for being an all-round nice guy, and pretty much adhering to his job description.

There were a record 205 nominations for this year’s peace prize. Zimbabwean Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai and Chinese dissident Hu Jia had been among the favourites who do not have a powerful army at their disposal.

The Nobel Committee explained that President Obama was a deserving winner, despite being in post for just ten months.


“Mr Obama has done extremely well in his short time in office.”

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“He has managed to not invade any more sovereign states, and this obvious restraint deserves recognition.”

“Also, the civilian deaths caused by US troops around the world is waaay down on last year – another reason for celebration.”

“But best of all, he has agreed to reduce his haul of nuclear weapons to a level capable of destroying the planet just three times over – again a significant improvement on the last guy.”

“I mean, he could literally make one phone call and Iran would disappear off the face of the Earth, but he hasn’t made that call yet, and for that reason, we happily award him this nice big prize ahead of many lesser-known pacifists and human rights campaigners.”

The award has demonstrated a shift in the awarding criteria to favour those nominees who can prove they are definitely not George W Bush.

One former losing nominee derided the committee’s decision, saying, “So basically he’s got the award for not being as bad as the last guy in his job?  Well the last guy who had my job used to piss in the customers soup, so why not give it me!”

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