France has announced plans to build a series of national monuments in honour of its greatest military victory, the defeat of eight Somalian pirates.
French military spokesman Admiral Christophe Prazuck said the pirates attacked in skiffs late at night some 300 miles off the Somali coast, but were bravely resisted by well-trained military personnel.
“Our heavily armoured battleship offered our brave soldiers little protection against their dinghy and catapults, but without so much as a thought for their own safety, our sailors chased them.”
A fierce battle is said to have been fought, with the pirates throwing the contents of the dinghy at the side of the battleship, and the French sailors using loudspeakers threatening to tell America on them.
“Our nation’s architects are working on designs for monuments to be placed all over our country to ensure this heroic victory is remembered by generations to come,” continued Prazuck.
“And can you make sure you spell my name correctly, because I’m going to forward this to my mum.”
The Somali pirate leader has spoken of his shame over the incident.
“I was absolutely distraught when their captain finally spoke to us in French.” he told reporters when paraded by the French military.
“We honestly thought they were Australian so you can imagine how we feel to find out they were French all along.”
“We would have tried a bit harder had we known, and to be honest it’s all a bit embarrassing to have been captured by the French.”
“I don’t suppose there is a global tragedy that will hog the news agenda and allow this to by swept under he carpet is there?”
“If not they’ll probably name a national holiday after us, won’t they?”