Convertibles ‘bad for hearing abuse from other motorists’

author avatar by 14 years ago

Driving a convertible car can seriously damage your ears, ensuring the majority of creative insults received from other road used may go completely unheard, experts have warned.

Driving like an arsehole with the top down at speeds of over 70mph exposes the ears to sound levels sometimes nearing those made by a pneumatic drill, they argue.

Long or repeated exposure to this noise could permanently affect the drivers ability to adequately respond to the vociferous contempt hurled in their direction, a US meeting of ENT experts was told.

As one BMW Z4 driver we interviewed explained, “I drove passed a group of builders who jeered me, but I was completely oblivious until you just pointed it out.”

“Only yesterday I screeched to a halt at a pedestrian crossing to tell an old lady the time, but it turned out that what she actually shouted was, ‘fuck off and die you cunting shitbag’.”


Throwing waste objects such as left over milkshakes, dog faeces, and unconscious tramps into open top vehicles is still considered a poor second best to a well placed insult.

Dr Gloucester of the Institute of the Deaf explained, “This partial deafness is a tragedy, some of the nation’s most inspired invective is thrown at our convertible drivers, yet most of them go about their day completely unaware of it.”

“And it’s easily prevented, they could have perfectly good hearing by driving a normal fucking car – with a roof – just like the rest of us.”

When asked for a final comment, our Z4 driver told us, “Oh, about 20 miles to the gallon in the city, yeah.”