It’s just a toy for Christ’s sake, everyone tells James May

author avatar by 15 years ago

A two-storey Lego house built by Top Gear’s James May and 1,000 volunteers is no more after the Top Gear presenter was reminded that it was just a fucking toy.

The large toy, made entirely from bricks designed to teach young children dexterity, was built by fully grown adults for no apparent reason whatsoever.

It was demolished yesterday despite a concerted campaign by May to find a buyer, a campaign which as a surprise to absolutely no-one, proved unsuccessfully.

“It’s a shame,” said one on-looker, “But it seems he completely misjudged the market, as I would imagine a buyer for a £50,000 Lego house could only be found in a room of mentally ill millionaires.”

“To be honest, we’re a little worried about his sanity.  The fact that he is often made to look like a moron by Richard Hammond was already more than a little disconcerting.”

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A Lego spokesperson told reporters, “We considered buying it, yes, because we have all manner of Lego constructions at Legoland, it’s sort of what we do.”

“But then we realised that Mr May had somehow confused the price of this novelty child’s plaything with the cost of a genuine human dwelling.”

“He was unhappy, sure, but we are going to give him a season pass to Legoland, which we are confident will make the boo boos go away and let him forget all about the house.”

The owners of the vineyard where May constructed the oversized toy admitted, “This has been one massive mistake on our part.”

“He came to us with a lollipop in his mouth and catapult in his pocket and asked if he could play in our garden for a bit. Foolishly, we agreed.”

As the last bricks we removed, May sat sobbing in the grounds muttering something about, “Jeremy is going to just love this…”.

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