Spain’s 3.6 million unemployed today took to the streets in celebration of Real Madrid’s capture of Cristiano Ronaldo for £80m of what is, ultimately, their money.
As auditions began in Manchester for a replacement capable of replacing Ronaldo’s exquisite theatrics and sublime stroppyness, the mood in Madrid was very different indeed.
“This is just what we needed!” said 39 year-old unemployed car-worker Juan Sanchez.
“Putting food on the table is a struggle at the moment, yes.”
“But what better way to lift the spirits of the nation than to see our Government subsidise a club that will spunk over £200m on Ronaldo in the next five years?”
“I’ve had suicidal thoughts recently, what with me having no job, no money, and watching a defence that includes Gabriel Heinze.”
“But this makes up for everything. My stomach feels full again!”
“Well it doesn’t really, why would it? But I did sort of forget about it for a couple of seconds when I heard the news.”
“I, and my fellow unemployed would happily forgo an existence above the poverty line just to see Ronaldo earn more than £500k a week by rolling around on the pitches of Real Madrid.”
“This truly is a day I will tell my grand-children about.”
“Assuming my own kids overcome their current malnutrition issues of course.”