Gordon Brown learns to learn things that need learning

author avatar by 15 years ago

After an arduous meeting of the Parliamentary Labour Party which lasted over five hours, Gordon Brown has told his party he ready to move forward after learning much about himself.

“I have learned that I have some strengths and I have some weaknesses. I’ve also learned that you need to keep learning all the time,” he said.

The Prime Minister said he also wants to act in a “more collective way”, insisting: “You solve problems not by walking away but by learning about them.”

Mr Brown called on the party to learn the “lessons from the past”, saying: “I’ve made some mistakes. I admit that.”

“Those mistakes are my weaknesses. Admitting those mistakes is one of my strengths. But, I have learnt from those mistakes – which is another one of my strengths.”

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“Which is two strengths to one weakness, if you’re keeping score, like.”


New Culture Secretary Ben Bradshaw said that the Defence minister Quentin Davies had given the “metaphor of a lifetime” when describing the current malaise in the government.

“We want to keep the captain on the bridge and I’m sure he will stay on the bridge, and the ship will reach the right destination.” said Mr Davies.

“I am the rudder of that ship. And Peter Mandelson is a barnacle clinging on to the side like a piece of acne.”

“The conservatives don’t have a proper ship at all – they just pretend like they do. Theirs is made of cardboard and does actually float, just about.”

“But, come the next election they will be flailing in the dirty water whilst we’ll be sunbathing on the decking of our structurally-sound ship.”

More Metaphor

Meanwhile, new Welsh Secretary Peter Hain attempted to keep the metaphor going by declaring: “I think he completely carried all before him.”

Arch Blairite Stephen Byers didn’t agree with the current tide of support for Gordon Brown: “We need a leader who can learn for Labour before the next general election.”

“Gordon Brown is not a natural learner. Learning isn’t just about reading something over and over again until being able to repeat it off by heart.”

“He really needs to understand why things are the way they are. Then he can brush it aside and move forward.”

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