EXCLUSIVE: Labour back benchers’ letter in full

author avatar by 15 years ago

NewsARSE has exclusively obtained a copy of the email currently circulating among Labour backbenchers, imploring Prime Minister Gordon Brown to stand down.

“Dear Gordon,”

“Over the course of your ten years as the New Labour Chancellor you systematically destroyed our gold reserves, increased debt to unheard-of levels, taxed Middle England into penury and presided over the complete collapse of pension funds.”

“As Tony Blair’s most hated trusted lieutenant, you assisted in the invasion of Iraq, the destruction of the NHS, the diminution of Civil Liberties to a level commensurate with that of Stalin’s Russia, the demolition of education, the politicisation of the Police and the inculcation of a Benefits culture that will take generations to remove.”

“For all these things, and for the innumerable other contributions you have made to NuLieBore’s Grand Plan to fuck up Britain beyond all repair, you have our gratitude.”

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“However, we are writing now because we believe that in the current political situation, we’re fucked come what may – but our best chance of getting our grasping socialist mitts on Cabinet salaries again within our lifetimes is if we get rid of you.”

“That way, within a couple of terms the Proles will have put all the blame on you, and conveniently forget that we’re all venal, mendacious, corrupt, totalitarian troughers just like you.”

“Besides, Alan Johnson says it’s his turn to play in the chair now, and if we play nice he’ll make the expenses flow again.”

“Give it up, and there might be a nice peerage in it for you.”

“Love and kisses, The Backbenchers”

“PS. Hazel sends her love, but says she wants to be Home Sec when the next PM reshuffles.”

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