After failing to vote a slightly-above-average singer as the most talented person in the country, the rest of the world has said that Britain might not be beyond all hope, after all.
Despite a concerted media campaign to convince everyone that Susan Boyle possessed a voice so powerful that it would make Jesus himself weep at its beauty, the Britain’s Got Talent final was won by a troupe of genuinely talented street dancers, Diversity.
Diversity wowed the voting public with a complex and entertaining dance routine, despite their number including several white people.
The surprise winners made the world sit up and take notice as everyone on the planet had expected the UK to vote for a summer of Boyle-mania and relentless media patronising of the middle-aged Scotswoman.
“We had sort of decided to ignore everything Britain ever did or said ever again,” said one European Union spokesperson.
“But maybe they are not as entirely weak-willed and sheep-like as we all assumed?”
“Perhaps Britain is on the verge of a cultural renaissance that will lead it back to the forefront of the global arts scene?”
“Or maybe the French are right and it’s just that most Susan Boyle voters are too stupid to use a phone?”
“I guess we’ll see in the next series.”