Britain’s Got Talent contestants all praying for familial death

author avatar by 14 years ago

Contestants on the current series of Britain’s Got Talent have spoken of their desire for a close family member to die suddenly before the next round of voting.

As places in the final are being snapped up, many semi-finalists have said that although they felt their acts were strong enough, they had little else to differentiate them from the masses.

A recent family bereavement has polled highest among test audiences and floating voters for what they are looking for in who they would like to perform for the queen,

“I’ve put the feelers out,” said one contestant who wished to remain anonymous.

“My cousin James is a goth, and I asked if he felt like suicide was an option.”

“He’s thinking about it.”


Another we spoke to said, “My Nan just sits in her chair all day, so would it really be a problem for her to ‘accidentally’ fall off a building?”

“I know it’s a long shot but the tragic demise of a blood relative is just what I need at this stage.”

“If it’s someone I don’t have to fake my grief over, all the better!”

Favourite for the show remains Susan Boyle who continues to be pursued by talentless lothario Calum Best.