Judges have thrown out a government appeal by deciding that the Human Rights Act can apply to British troops, even on the battlefield.
The judgement the MoD appealed against said “right to life” meant it had a legal duty to supply proper equipment and could no longer send soldiers into battle wearing flip-flops and a sombrero.
“Our ability to invade sovereign nations will be severely affected by this decision.” said an Army spokesman.
“If we have to wait for our soldiers to have appropriate equipment, we might never get the chance to invade another hot country on the whim of our masters.”
“Why do we need special equipment anyway? Our enemies wear dresses and ride camels for fucks sake.” continued the spokesman.
“This is just a further evidence of namby pamby Britain, I don’t see why our soldiers insist upon appropriate bullet proof attire when attacking an enemy.”
“The desert rats didn’t have dry-weave bullet proof garments that whicked moisture away from the body, and hardly any of them died of heat stroke.”
When asked for a comment, a soldier who wished to remain anonymous said, “This is great news. Now, if we could just stop our allies shooting at us, the battlefield will finally be safer than most inner city comprehensives.”