Children arrested during raids on illegally large classrooms

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A number of armed raids around the country have led to the arrest of seventeen children charged with breaching laws on classroom sizes.

Government figures released this week showed that the number of five-to-seven year-olds being taught in “unlawfully large classes” has doubled in the last ten years, prompting local police forces to take action against the offending infants.

Police forces in Merseyside, Tyne and Wear and Cumbria launched the series of raids at 10.30am on Thursday, to coincide with “play time.”

Seventeen illegal pupils were arrested and taken for questioning.

Mrs McClusky, head teacher at a Cumbrian school which was raided, spoke of her experience: “We were just finishing off our storytime when the classroom door burst open and armed police came running in.”

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“They told us to all put our hands over our heads and our faces on the desk.”

“They took one pupil away. We didn’t even know he was illegal, but I suppose you can never tell just by looking at them.”

Police Investigation

Police have 48 hours to question the children before they can be released.

“We are undertaking this investigation like we do all our investigations.  Well, like the ones we conduct when we know we’re being watched.”

“So far none of the children have requested lawyers, or even a phone call.”

“They do keep wanting to invoke a section of the Human Rights act called, ‘nap time’ – but I’ve never heard of it.”

A Government spokesperson reiterated that they will go to “whatever lengths are necessary” to meet their ambitious classroom size targets.