In a move that has shocked absolutely everyone everywhere, celebrity couple Katie Price and Peter Andre are to separate after four-and-a half years of marriage.
The pair “have requested that the media respect their families’ privacy at this difficult time, unless there is a magazine deal in it for them” according to their management company.
“In which case we will be fielding sealed bids from interested parties.”
Katie Price underwent a breast reduction last year after her close friends suggested she “get rid of the tit”, but the move appears not to have saved her marriage.
The news has saddened fans of the couple who were convinced the marriage was forever.
“I thought they were the perfect oxymoronic normal celebrity couple,” said Sharon Watts of Reading.
“Ever since Jordan tried to look at Peter’s penis on that jungle thing in 2004, I just knew they were made for each other.”
“I’ve only just stopped crying over Jade, and now this. 2009 is already becoming my own horrible anus.”
With the break-up of this relationship, and the death of Jade Goody, there is concern that many weekly magazines will have little to write about in the coming weeks.
“Oh I’ll take care of that,” Kerry Katona told waiting reporters.