Crime Scene Investigator claims death was Natural Causes

author avatar by 15 years ago

A Las Vegas crime scene investigator has claimed that a recently discovered dead body was the result of a ‘perfectly natural death with no suspicious circumstances whatsoever’.

The investigation, into a body found in a parking lot, led to speculation that the deceased could have been poisoned, shot, electrocuted, stabbed, suffocated or boiled from the inside out.

Investigators initially suspected the deceased’s partner, friend, co-worker, business associate, relative or jilted ex-lover.

However, despite days of expensive, and elaborately displayed graphical tests, no evidence of foul play has been found.

“It appears they just…. died.” Said Shane Gallagher, lead CSI on the case.

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“Unless of course we are dealing with a murderer who makes all their victims die of natural causes.”

“And we’ve never had one of those before, so that’d be cool.”

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Having exhausted the list of ridiculously expensive scientific tests, the police are now willing to call the death, “natural causes”, Las Vegas county’s first ever.

“It’s been a bit boring to be honest.” continued CSI Gallagher.

“There’s not been a single twist, I haven’t had to chase anyone and I’ve not even had to brandish my weapon.”

“I sincerely hope people stop dying this way.”

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