A Las Vegas crime scene investigator has claimed that a recently discovered dead body was the result of a ‘perfectly natural death with no suspicious circumstances whatsoever’.
The investigation, into a body found in a parking lot, led to speculation that the deceased could have been poisoned, shot, electrocuted, stabbed, suffocated or boiled from the inside out.
Investigators initially suspected the deceased’s partner, friend, co-worker, business associate, relative or jilted ex-lover.
However, despite days of expensive, and elaborately displayed graphical tests, no evidence of foul play has been found.
“It appears they just…. died.” Said Shane Gallagher, lead CSI on the case.
“Unless of course we are dealing with a murderer who makes all their victims die of natural causes.”
“And we’ve never had one of those before, so that’d be cool.”
Having exhausted the list of ridiculously expensive scientific tests, the police are now willing to call the death, “natural causes”, Las Vegas county’s first ever.
“It’s been a bit boring to be honest.” continued CSI Gallagher.
“There’s not been a single twist, I haven’t had to chase anyone and I’ve not even had to brandish my weapon.”
“I sincerely hope people stop dying this way.”