All the hippies we asked were poor, claim Innocent

author avatar by 15 years ago

Coca-Cola has bought a £30m stake in Innocent, the British fruit drink and “smoothie” maker renowned for its ethical ethos, after Innocent claimed it could not find a suitably wealthy hippie investor.

“We asked absolutely loads of them, honest,” said Richard Reid, co-founder of Innocent.

“Sure, we got lots of offers of hair-braiding and aura cleansing, but none of them had the £30m we needed to take our drinks business into the four corners of the globe.”

“Let’s be honest, friendly hippies are generally poor.”

“Apart from us here at Innocent. We are both nice and rich, but we couldn’t lend the money to ourselves.”

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Some commentators have suggested this marks the end of the “all natural” claims of the Innocent Drinks brand.

However, it is believed a compromise agreement has been reached with Coke to ensure that only naturally occurring substances will go into the drinks made by Innocent.

“If it doesn’t grow out of the ground, it doesn’t go in.  That’s our new motto.” said head of Corporate Development at Coca Cola, Marcus Quidsin.

“With our recent acquisitions in the poppy fields of Afghanistan and investment in the Coca crops of Columbia we believe we have the perfect ingredients to take Innocent Drinks to the world.”

“Mwuahahahaha!” he concluded.

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