OPEC decides $160m a day ‘probably just enough’

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Oil ministers from the 12 Opec countries meeting in the Austrian capital Vienna have decided $160m a day is probably just enough money to make each and every day, and have voted to keep oil production at current levels.

There had been calls to reduce oil production in order to force the price upwards in the wake of a 60% price drop in the last ten months.

However, out of the kindness of their still beating hearts, they have decided to tighten their belts and make do with just $160m a day.  At least until the next meeting.


“It was a tough call.” said one Saudi OPEC representative.

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“On the one hand, the world economy is struggling.  But on the other hand, there are 200 princes who all need a new platinum plated Bentley.”

“But we have a duty to the rest of the world, so they will just have to make do with gold-plated Rolls-Royces, just like the rest of us.”


One Saudi prince, Bandar Al Faisal, was quick to denounce the Opec decision.

“Do they think I’m a fucking mug, is that it?”

“If they think I’m going tootle around in a fucking gold-plated roller then they’ve got another think coming.”

“How am I supposed to attract a half-decent sixteenth wife in that heap of shit? Eh?”

“Someone at my club recently suggested I’d been born with a silver spoon in my mouth.  Fucking silver!”

“I’ve barely lived down the six-carat diamond watch incident, and now this?  Heads will roll.”

Opec will meet again on 28 May to assess whether the hardships faced by the world’s oil producing countries warrant a further price rise.