World

Standard and Poor’s to issue Pope Catholicism warning

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Standard & Poor’s are to continue their current trend of issuing blindingly obvious warnings by downgrading Pope Benedict XVI to ‘probably Catholic’.

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Beijing Zoo to breed Glaswegian couple in panda exchange deal

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Beijing zoo has accepted a pair of sexually active Glaswegians in an exchange deal for two pandas, according to reports.

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Catholic church still pretty sure that celibate priests are a good idea

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Despite further revelations of sexual abuse against young boys in Northern Ireland, the Catholic church today insisted it was still pretty sure that making grown men commit to celibacy was almost certainly still a good idea.

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New sanctions to leave Iran’s wrists red raw

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Iranian authorities have reacted to the threat of new sanctions from the International community by ordering a few tubes of Ibuprofen gel and some Sudacrem.

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Anti-car lobby group launches first speed bump destined for Mars

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As anti-car protesters brace themselves for yet another vehicle on the surface of Mars, some lobbyists are demanding NASA sets a more responsible example to micro-organisms on the red planet.

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Scientists ranking potentially liveable planets place Earth in 73rd position

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Scientists ranking planets in our universe based on the chances they could support intelligent life and provide a hospitable living environment, have placed Earth below one of Saturn’s moons in 73rd position.

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Facebook study shows entire user base just one degree of separation from a moron

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A new survey of social network Facebook has shown that you are never more than one degree of separation away from a total moron.

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Democracy can still leave you with a government no-one voted for, UK electorate warn Egyptians

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Egyptians protesting against military rule have begun wondering whether democracy is all it’s cracked up to be after UK voters highlighted that it can still leave you with a government that absolutely no-one voted for.

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US students to study ‘pepper spray cops’ for signs of intelligence

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Students at the University of California believe they may have discovered a new, very slightly softer approach to the vicious suppression of the right to protest.

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Vatican to sue over image of top priest kissing a grown adult

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The Vatican is to take legal action against clothing giants Benetton after their latest advertising campaign used an image depicting a member of the clergy in a sexually charged clinch with a willing adult participant.

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