World

UK Hospitals full of blood and knife wounds claims President Trump

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The President of the United States has said in a speech in front of the National Rifle Association that UK hospitals were awash with blood and were a “war zone” of knife wounds.

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Nation left in shock as rapper proves to be poor socio-political pundit

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semi-professional ass-hat Kanye West has left the American public reeling with his comments that “Slavery for 400 years … that sounds like a choice”.

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Donald Trump tells Thanos to “Calm down, Little Gauntlet Man”

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Donald Trump is starting on Thanos.

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ABBA announces release of death metal album

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Scandinavian quartet ABBA have today announced they will be releasing new music for the first time in over three decades in the form of a crushing new death metal album.

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It’s good for adjacent countries to get along, insists Trump whilst building border wall with Mexico

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President Trump has publicly endorsed the meeting yesterday between the North and South Korean leaders whilst simultaneously doing everything he can to build a sodding great wall along the Mexican border.

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Local man thought Kanye was a wanker before it was popular

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Local hipster Simon Williams thought Kanye West was a massive bellend years before anyone else thought of it, he has announced today.

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Mike Pence offers to pray the gay out of Emmanuel Macron after he kisses Trump TWICE on the cheeks

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Vice President Mike Pence has leapt into action to cure Macron and prevent President Trump catching any gayness after he was kissed on the cheeks by the French president yesterday.

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President Trump condemns Wakanda for not supporting Syria strikes

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Donald Trump is angry with the fictional nation of Wakanda.

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Please resume your sick barbarism with conventional bombs, West tells Syria

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The Syrian regime is free to continue murdering innocents the conventional way now that we’ve had our little tantrum, Western powers today agreed.

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Jeremy Corbyn demands video-assisted refereeing for chemical weapon atrocities

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn believes new VAR technology could be used to apportion blame in the Syrian conflict.

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