World

Italy votes for Germany to pay for everything

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In a landmark referendum result in Rome, the Italian people have voted overwhelmingly for the Germans to keep giving them colossal piles of money.

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Austria not as thick as pig shit

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Austria is definitely not as thick as pig shit after rejecting the tidal wave of far-right madness currently gripping America and Britain.

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Meat Loaf regrets not doing that for love

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As Meat Loaf prepares for the 2017 opening of his Bat out of Hell musical in the West End, he has been speaking of his regret that he decided against doing that for love.

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Donald Trump defends Taiwan phone call insisting he was just trying to order a Thai take away

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The President-elect broke four decades of US foreign policy today when he called Taiwan’s President Tsai Ing-Wen to order himself a Thai take away.

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Donald Trump asks Michelle Obama to stay on as First Lady

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President-elect Donald Trump has countered accusations of nepotism by offering the role of First Lady to Michelle Obama.

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OPEC finalise deal to say they’re cutting oil production whilst pumping like their life depends on it

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OPEC have reached a historic deal to say they’ll cut the production of oil while in reality doing absolutely nothing, they have announced today.

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Aleppo residents urged to get better at football

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Displaced and dying residents of Syrian city Aleppo have been urged to get better at football if they want the west to care about their tragic circumstances.

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Hillary Clinton to release funk album

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Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is to put the disappointment of losing the American election to a fascist demagogue behind her and release a kick-ass, old-school funk record – Slick Hillary’s Fatback Groove Platter.

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Jeremy Corbyn to attend Darth Vader’s funeral

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is to attend the funeral of progressive champion Darth Vader, who died after falling into his own reactor on Friday.

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I won the popular vote too if you deduct the millions of people who voted for someone else, claims Trump

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Donald Trump has quite rightly pointed out that he won the popular vote in this month’s Presidential election, if you deduct the millions of people who voted for other candidates.

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