Popular Jedi Ben ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi has revealed that he felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror, at precisely the time Donald Trump secured the Republican presidential nomination.
After footage was released of the leader of the free world beat-boxing with a Vietnamese rapper, it became clear that Barack Obama has entered the stage of the Presidency known as ‘just fucking around’.
The new Taliban leader has been revealed to be foresighted 1830s pioneer Michael Gove, as they attempt to take back control of Afghanistan amidst a crazy culture of democracy and clothes that aren’t plain black.
The Republican Party is to make a last-ditch attempt to avoid a Trump Presidential run by asking Chewbacca Woman Candace Payne to run against him in the final months before the Republican National Convention in July.
In a stark warning issued today, the Klingons cautioned that if Earth leaves the United Federation of Planets – a move widely referred to as ‘Trexit’ – it could plunge the galaxy into an economic recession, or even worse, all-out war.