World

Steve Bannon to spend time focusing on life-long quest to suck his own cock

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Following his dramatic dismissal from the White House, ex-chief strategist Steve Bannon has announced that he intends to take some time to work on achieving his life-long ambition of sucking his own cock.

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Half-full garbage bag on Steve Bannon’s desk actually Steve Bannon

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What looks like a dirty sack full of Steve Bannon’s stuff on his desk is actually Steve Bannon, according to White House sources.

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Please only refer to the Barcelona terrorists as ‘shrivelled-dicked bastards’, press told

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Instead of plastering their name across papers and TV screens, the press should only refer to terrorists by a variety of fitting insults, according to the public and politicians alike.

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‘Study what Grand Moff Tarkin did to Alderaan, no more radical rebel alliance for 35 years’ tweets Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has urged his supporters to study the techniques of Grand Moff Tarkin, claiming they show the best way to defeat radical Islamic terrorists.

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LinkedIn now 100% dickhead

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LinkedIn has become the world’s first 100% dickhead social network after a pleasant man called Kevin finally worked out how to delete his account.

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Saving Private Ryan branded ‘alt-left propaganda’

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Right-wing fringe groups including white supremacists, neo-Nazis and the Trump White House administration have labelled multi Oscar award-winning Saving Private Ryan as ‘alt-left propaganda’.

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Donald Trump says Rebel Alliance must also take blame for violence as Death Star had all the required permits

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Donald Trump has insisted the Rebel Alliance must take their share of the blame for the violence in the Star Wars universe after revealing the Empire had all the necessary permits to gather at the Death Star.

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Donald Trump’s Manufacturing Council now just him and man who outsourced his clothing line to China

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After the latest round of resignations, Donald Trump’s Manufacturing Council is down to the president and the guy he hired to outsource the production of all Trump clothing to China.

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Kim Jong-Un boldly wets himself

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Donald Trump promising to respond in force if North Korea try anything has been met by brave leader Kim Jong-Un heroically wetting himself.

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Man photographed enthusiastically waving flaming torch at a Nazi rally unhappy at people calling him a Nazi

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A man repeatedly photographed holding a flaming torch at a neo-Nazi rally has declared his unhappiness at being called a Nazi.

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