World

Sadness as Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua finally dies of embarrassment

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The Chihuahua which Paris Hilton famously carried around in her handbag has finally died of embarrassment, we can report.

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North Korea celebrates Earth Day by not turning lights on for 65th successive year

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North Korea has celebrated Earth Day by not turning any lights on for the 23,774th day in a row.

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Successful Earth Day campaign delays inevitable global catastrophe, by a day

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The successful ‘Earth Day’ campaign has led experts to predict that it has delayed an inevitable global environmental catastrophe, by a day.

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens to be released in 2-minute long segments

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Fan reaction to the recent Star Wars trailer has convinced Disney to release the rest of the film in the same format, we can report.

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Families heading to Syria lured by fake Trip Advisor reviews

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Moron families are heading to Syria purely on the evidence of 5-star Trip Advisor reviews from members of Islamic state, according to reports today.

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We are now just 3 or 4 more capsized boats away from taking action, confirms EU

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The European Union has today responded to cries of ‘how many deaths until you take action’ with the answer that it’s probably a few hundred more yet.

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Everyone to leave EU except Greece

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The European Union has announced plans to solve the ongoing problem of Greek membership by having everyone leave except them.

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Giraffe hunter insists all mercy killings should be completed using bow and arrow

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A hunter photographed posing with the giraffe she had just killed has said that all mercy killings should be undertaken with a high-velocity bow and arrow.

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New Star Wars trailer literally the most important thing in the world right now

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There’s probably some things happening in the news today but they aren’t that important, we can confirm.

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Bill Gates still saying he’ll ‘Google’ stuff

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Microsoft supremo Bill Gates still says he’ll ‘Google’ for stuff, unless he’s really concentrating.

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