World

Ben Kenobi feels great disturbance in the Force as Donald Trump secures nomination

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Popular Jedi Ben ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi has revealed that he felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror, at precisely the time Donald Trump secured the Republican presidential nomination.

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Johnny Depp’s divorce to be directed by Tim Burton

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Johnny Depp’s forthcoming divorce will be directed by legendary director Tim Burton, it has been confirmed today.

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Barack Obama ‘just f*cking around now’

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After footage was released of the leader of the free world beat-boxing with a Vietnamese rapper, it became clear that Barack Obama has entered the stage of the Presidency known as ‘just fucking around’.

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New Taliban leader revealed to be Michael Gove

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The new Taliban leader has been revealed to be foresighted 1830s pioneer Michael Gove, as they attempt to take back control of Afghanistan amidst a crazy culture of democracy and clothes that aren’t plain black.

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Taliban leader awarded Nobel peace prize for dying

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The death of Taliban leader Mullah Mansour has been recognised for its ‘significant and lasting’ contribution to world peace.

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Republican Party to press Chewbacca Woman to run for Presidential nomination

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The Republican Party is to make a last-ditch attempt to avoid a Trump Presidential run by asking Chewbacca Woman Candace Payne to run against him in the final months before the Republican National Convention in July.

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Australia to begin sending criminals to Britain

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Australia has come full circle and is to begin sending criminals to Britain, they have announced.

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Gay lumberjack sick and tired of being mistaken for a hipster

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Homosexual woodsman Simon Williams is heartily sick of people thinking he’s a hipster, he has revealed today.

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Trexit could mean intergalactic war, warn Klingons

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In a stark warning issued today, the Klingons cautioned that if Earth leaves the United Federation of Planets – a move widely referred to as ‘Trexit’ – it could plunge the galaxy into an economic recession, or even worse, all-out war.

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Penis transplant recipient sends first unsolicited dick pic

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The first American man to undergo penis transplant surgery has successfully sent his first unsolicited dick pic.

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