World

Everyone required to bang on about celebrities ‘before’ mourning their death

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Everybody has to incessantly go on about their favourite celebrity before being allowed to mourn their eventual death.

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EU finally puts an end to Apple doing deals with customers for ‘cash’

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The EU has finally put a stop to Apple’s practise of offering its customers discounts for paying in cash so they can avoid paying tax.

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Greek financial crisis successfully forgotten about

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The EU has confirmed that a strict program of ignoring the Greek financial crisis has successfully led to everyone forgetting about it.

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Weary world loses a little shine

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Gene Wilder has not died, but simply moved on to a world of pure imagination.

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Millennials mourn the death of the bloke off that meme

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Everyone under the age of 25 is sad because a guy from a meme died yesterday.

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Donald Trump campaign team now just whoever is standing near Donald Trump

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Republican Presidential candidate and hair pioneer Donald Trump has now fired so many political operatives that his campaign team is made up entirely of whoever is standing by him at any given time.

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My health is dependent on whether I’m running for President or being drafted, confirms Trump

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After Donald Trump’s doctor took five minutes to report that he’s the healthiest presidential candidate of all time, Donald Trump explained that his health status changes depending on what he’s being asked to do.

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French insist Judge Dredd removes his helmet

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The French government has insisted that future lawman Joe Dredd must uncover his face in their country.

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You need to tell more lies about immigrants if you want to win, Farage tells Trump

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Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage has told presidential hopeful Donald Trump that in his experience if you want to win a popular vote you have to really double down on your lies about immigrants.

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Donald Trump silences ‘racist’ jibes by sharing platform with Nigel Farage

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Donald Trump has outfoxed those who call him a racist by hiring the least racist person in the UK to share a stage with him.

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