World

350 US newspapers look for polite ways to call Trump a dick

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In a mass protest, coordinated by the Boston Globe, hundreds of news outlets in America penned similar editorials condemning Donald Trump’s persistent attack on the media and tried to find less obvious ways to label him a petulant wanker.

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Jeremy Corbyn denies links to Dick Dastardly

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Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has today denied links to well-known scoundrel and bad egg Dick Dastardly, after photographs emerged of the two sharing a car.

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No one would use a car to commit terrorism if the UK allowed guns, insists Fox News

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Following the recent incident when a driver used his car as a weapon in London, right-wing pundits in the USA have decried Britain’s strict gun laws and explained that unrestricted access to military weapons would have made an attack with a vehicle highly unlikely.

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People with too much faith in mankind expecting N-word tape to hurt Trump’s popularity with his supporters

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As claims resurfaced that Donald Trump repeatedly used racial slurs while filming The Apprentice, people who have unwarranted confidence in the American public still believe that such a recording would destroy him, despite evidence that many his supporters actually like his bigotry.

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Trump unveils sexy, velour Space Force uniforms

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The uniforms for America’s new Space Force will be designed for smooth comfort and easy access, White House sources have confirmed today.

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Internet explodes as WHOOPI GOLDBERG confirmed as new James Bond

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As speculation over the next James Bond intensifies, producers of the record-breaking franchise have revealed that Whoopi Goldberg is going to be next actor in the Aston Martin.

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Typical bloody immigrant wants to bring their whole family over with them

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America’s overnight immigration statistics have rocketed by another two after Donald Trump decided to invite the in-laws.

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Royal Family sold to America as part of Brexit panic-fund

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The Queen and her family are being packed into boxes to help save the nation.

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Donald Trump Walk-of-Fame star to be replaced with ‘Whack-A-Trump’

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A version of whack-a-mole will replace Donald Trump’s Hollywood star.

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Lebron James offers Donald Trump a place in his elementary school

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Basketball superstar, Lebron James, has opened his heart to another struggling child.

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