World

Lucifer to sue after Ted Cruz comparison

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Lord of evil Lucifer is to sue former House speaker John Boehner after the Ohio republican compared Ted Cruz to him.

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Thomas and Martha Wayne found alive

Playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne is nothing like as happy as you might expect that his parents have been found alive today.

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Weasel that sabotaged Large Hadron Collider ‘acted alone’ say Police

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The weasel that shut down the Large Hadron Collider by gnawing through a power cable was a ‘lone wolf’, according to Swiss Police.

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Jay-Z rushes out hastily-produced album about sleeping on the couch

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Rap star Jay-Z has released an unexpected and evidently hastily-produced album about how he’s been sleeping on the couch for the last six months today.

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America stronger and more influential in British Empire, Obama told

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America is stronger and more influential in the British Empire and should remain, Barack Obama has been told.

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Dave Grohl ordered to stay the fuck indoors

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Level 5 safety measures are being placed upon musician Dave Grohl.

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Barack Obama encourages Britain to remain in the Human Centipede

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President Barack Obama has today encouraged Britain to retain its ‘prestigious and important’ fourth place in the Human Centipede.

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Celebrities could be extinct by 2018

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Scientists have issued a stark warning that by the year 2018 celebrities as we understand them will be extinct.

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Grim Reaper given final written warning

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The Grim Reaper has been issued a final written warning after a series of high-profile cock-ups, it has emerged.

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Music cancelled

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Music has been cancelled until further notice following the death of Prince this afternoon.

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