World

We must teach Uzi safety to our toddlers, insist US gun advocates

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The death of a gun range instructor in the US was caused by parents who waited too long to introduce their 9 year-old daughter to an Uzi, according the gun advocates in the US.

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‘Ebola Bucket Challenge’ yet to really take off

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A new viral challenge in which odious celebrities are asked to douse themselves with a bucket of ebola-infected bodily fluids is failing to gain traction, according to sources this morning.

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ISIS to change name again after further negative publicity

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The jihadist artists formerly known as ISIL are considering a further rebrand after further negative decapitation-related publicity.

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Bernie Ecclestone offers prosecutors $100m bribe to avoid bribery charges

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Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone has offered German prosecutors $100m in order to make his bribery charges go away.

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Israel and Hamas to accept Greg Dyke peace plan

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FA chairman, Greg Dyke, has come up with a perfect solution to the Middle East conflict, if anyone is prepared to listen.

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Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

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Ukrainian rebels have apologised after the black box flight recorders from the downed flight MH17 were accidentally used to record Top of the Pops repeats.

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Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

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Prime Minister David Cameron, in response to Russia’s latest fascist groove thang, is calling on nations to stop purchasing Russian dolls, which get progressively smaller as you open them up.

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Female church representatives to finally push for equal right to abuse kids

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After the Church of England voted to allow female bishops, Christian organisations around the world have been encouraged to allow women to partake in the last of their ‘male only’ rituals.

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Putting your entire life on Facebook ‘not compulsory’, finds study

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Millions of Facebook users were shocked today at the publication of a new legal investigation which revealed that publishing everything you ever do on the social network isn’t ‘compulsory’.

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Owning guns and shooting people doesn’t make Pistorius crazy, insist NRA

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The Court-ordered report concluding that Oscar Pistorius was suffering no mental disorder has been welcomed by the National Rifle Association who claim it is insane not to own lots of guns to defend yourself.

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