World

Ed Sheeran to become omnipresent by 2018

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Singer Ed Sheeran has announced plans to be involved in every single facet of your life from early 2018.

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Wormtail quits as White House press secretary

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Half-man half-rat Peter Pettigrew has resigned suddenly from his role as chief spokesman for the White House.

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Bear found not guilty of shitting in the woods after hiring OJ Simpson’s defence lawyer

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Brown bear, Simon Williams, has been found not guilty of defecating in a forest after employing OJ Simpson’s defence lawyer.

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‘Not enough Americans’ in Dunkirk movie, says Hollywood

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Hollywood’s top military historians are up in arms over the lack of Americans in the new film ‘Dunkirk’.

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Palaeontologist bastards still trying to ruin as much of Jurassic Park as possible

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Jurassic Park, a film 65 million years in the making, is still getting torn into by bitter scientists nearly 25 years after its release.

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George A Romero probably dead

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Horror Director George A Romero may well be dead, but so far nobody has dared get close enough to make sure.

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Democrats begin formal process of making Mike Pence President

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Filing the first articles of Impeachment against Donald Trump is the latest step towards making Mike Pence president, Democrat sources have announced today.

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Warning that Donald Trump may become fully sentient by 2018

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There is concern within the scientific world that Donald Trump may achieve full sentience at some point in the next year.

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Hillary Clinton offers advice to Trump family on deleting emails

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Presidential runner-up Hillary Clinton has reached out to the Trump family in their time of need and offered to guide them through the process of getting rid of potentially incriminating emails.

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“Trust me” says vampire from Blade movies

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Donald Trump Jnr has told everyone to trust him despite the fact he’s clearly a vampire from the popular Blade movie series.

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