World

Robert Mugabe to run for FIFA presidency

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In a shock last minute development, Robert Mugabe has announced that he intends to run for the FIFA presidency.

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‘Apple profits are outrageous’ tweets man into his new £700 iPhone

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Technology giant Apple has declared its biggest ever quarterly profit, much to the annoyance of people who don’t seem to understand how capitalism works.

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Russia’s credit rating is just fine actually, insists last surviving S&P analyst

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Less than a day after ratings agency Standard and Poor’s downgraded Russian debt to ‘junk’, the last living member of the ratings team has staged a remarkable u-turn.

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King Abdullah praised for dragging Saudi Arabia into 14th century

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Following the death of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, world leaders have been paying tribute to his achievement in giving Saudi Arabia an authentic medieval feel.

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Pope invokes Papal infallibility to win Vatican pub quiz

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The Pope has enraged Vatican theologians, after invoking his own powers of infallibility in order to win the most recent Vatican pub quiz.

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New smart wristband ‘detects bullshit claims made by smart wristbands’

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A new smart wristband has gone on to the market that claims to detect bullshit claims made by other smart wristbands.

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Freedom of speech about as important as freedom to use condoms, insists Pope

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The Pope has reminded everyone that freedom of speech is not a divine right, and that much like a condom, you should not use it just because you can.

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Boko Haram’s Nigerian victims urged to start satirical magazine

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Nigerian towns in the north-east of the country have been urged to start satirical magazines in advance of further Boko Haram attacks.

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Cameron preparing for Obama trip with sideways cap and ‘rap music’

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David Cameron is spending time wearing a baseball cap and listening to rap music after worrying that he came across ‘too white’ during previous meetings with President Obama.

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Fox News to continue broadcasting made-up satire in honour of Charlie Hebdo

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Following criticism of its report on Birmingham in the UK, Fox News has pledged to continue broadcasting made-up stories designed to entertain viewers in honour of those murdered in the Charlie Hebdo attack.

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