World

Tony Blair insists ‘ISIS ground troops’ only way to return erection to 2003 levels

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Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has told reporters that putting ground troops in a fight with ISIS is the only way to ensure he gets the sort of erection he enjoyed during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

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Dozens killed as clashes between rival Android and Apple fans escalate

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Dozens of technology users have been killed with hundreds more injured as fighting escalated amongst rival technology factions last night.

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British couple to take goldfish to Australia for life-saving surgery

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A British couple are planning to take their sick 8 year-old goldfish to Australia for high-risk tumour removal surgery, it has emerged.

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Ebola panic subsides as scientists find cure for white people

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Global panic surrounding the Ebola virus has begun to subside after it was revealed an experimental treatment has cured every white person who has received it.

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Scottish referendum parties do battle for lucrative North Korean endorsement

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As campaigning in the Scottish referendum enters its final phase, both sides have pulled out all the stops to woo the lucrative North Korean endorsement.

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Apple Watch to finally make eye-contact obsolete

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Apple’s new smart Watch will make the process of looking up at the world around you completely obsolete, according to Apple CEO Tim Cook.

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Cameron ‘not ruling out’ action that could win him a GQ humanitarian award

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Prime minister David Cameron has said he is not ruling out the sort of military campaign in Iraq that could see him ultimately be named GQ’s Humanitarian of the year.

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Horrific new terror video shows Richard Littlejohn with head firmly attached to his shoulders

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ISIL have plumbed shocking new depths by releasing a sickening video of ‘journalist’ Richard Littlejohn alive and well and participating in what they call ‘journalism’.

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iCloud empty

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iCloud has been completely emptied of all photos by Apple product owners, it emerged this afternoon.

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Stolen nude photos a ‘disgusting invasion of privacy’, insist men busy googling for them

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Men everywhere have this morning described as ‘disgusting’ the invasion of privacy caused by leaked photos of naked female celebrities, before seeking clarification on exactly where they are online.

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