World

Why didn’t Kavanaugh’s accuser come forward sooner, ask people publicly suggesting she’s a lying slut

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The woman accusing Supreme Court nominee Bret Kavanaugh of attempting to sexually assault her when they were teenagers should have come forward in public sooner, according to the very people doing everything in their power to make her seem like a lying slut this morning.

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Toad, the ‘mushroom character’ from Mario Kart, to sue over claims he resembles Donald Trump’s penis

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Popular Mario Kart character Toad is to take legal action over claims from porn star Stormy Daniels that he resembles Donald Trump’s strange looking penis.

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Marmite maker’s relocation plan either loved or hated by shareholders

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The decision to move the headquarters of the manufacturers of Marmite has split shareholders into two opposing camps, according to reports.

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Hungarian anti-Semitism perfectly lovely, say Tory MEPs

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Although the Conservatives have been lambasting the Labour party over its perceived failure to deal with pernicious antisemitism, their MEPs in Strasbourg have declared that Victor Orban’s constant recycling of Jew-hating tropes was absolutely fine with them.

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Skripal suspects collaborate with Shaggy to release rap single ‘It Wasn’t Us’

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Fresh from their brief sightseeing tour of just one town in the UK, the suspects accused of poisoning the Skripals have announced they will be releasing a rap track to further defend their innocence.

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Trump promises aid to all the white people affected by Hurricane Florence

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President Trump has declared that the Federal Government is fully prepared for Hurricane Florence and that all white people affected will be offered any and all aid that is required.

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Luftwaffe “just wanted to see St Paul’s Cathedral”

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Hermann Göring, commander-in-chief of the German air force, has denied responsibility for the devastating London blitz, insisting that his pilots “just wanted to see St Paul’s Cathedral”.

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World enters new post-satire era

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The world has entered a new era where it has become impossible to distinguish between satire and reality, historians have confirmed.

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Skripal suspects were ‘just tourists’ in same way Harold Shipman was ‘just a doctor’

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The two suspects in the Skripal poisoning case were just innocent tourists enjoying a day of sightseeing and poisoning, according to reports this morning.

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Siberian military exercises “secretly an enormous Russian Furry convention”

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NATO experts reviewing the latest satellite images of recent Russian military exercises have been startled by what appears to be the world’s largest Furry convention.

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