UK

No sanction for BBC’s Carol Kirkwood over ‘hot as f*ck’ weather forecast

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The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’

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I’m only moving to Monaco to get a better view of our proud nation doing so well, says Brexit billionaire

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Sir Jim Ratcliffe, one of Britain’s richest men and vital backer of Brexit, has denied he is leaving a ship he steered onto the rocks and claimed he is only relocating to Monaco to enjoy better the sight of the sovereign UK becoming prosperous.

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People who pair socks have far too much time on their hands, study finds

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New research has revealed that people who always wear matching socks need to get a fucking life.

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UKIP fail in audacious deadline day transfer bid for Boris Johnson

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UKIP have failed to secure a key player for the forthcoming season, despite him being a perfect fit for the team.

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Your boss taking an absolutely thunderous shit in the next cubicle

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The man who can break your career like a twig is taking a very loud dump just three feet to your left.

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Ruth Davidson devoured by vampires after using burqa as a crucifix

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Scottish Tory leader, Ruth Davidson, is in a critical condition in hospital after mistakenly using a burqa to ward off vampires.

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Boris Johnson successfully gets in the news

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Sociopathic lunatic and Tory backbencher Boris Johnson has succeeded in getting in both print and television news.

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Burkas offend me and should be banned, insists man on Internet demanding freedom to offend whomever he likes

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Burkas and other Islamic face coverings are extremely offensive and should be banned from civilised society, according to a man who spends hours of his life on the Internet defending his right to be offensive to whoever he chooses.

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Royal Family sold to America as part of Brexit panic-fund

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The Queen and her family are being packed into boxes to help save the nation.

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‘Remember when acting like a f*ckwit would COST you votes?’ asks nostalgic older man

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An older man is wistfully reflecting on a time in his life when politicians won elections by acting like decent human beings trying to do the right thing for everyone.

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