UK

Loathsome EU bastards determined to deprive hardworking Brits of dirty air

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Meddling eurocrats are seeking to clean the air inside the UK in the latest display of their frightening power.

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Boris Johnson to receive Pride of Britain Award for coping without a private plane

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The Foreign Secretary’s bravery and stoicism in the face of an extraordinarily challenging life without a private plane is to be recognised with a Pride of Britain Award.

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Neighbour sees no reason to get his f*cking car alarm fixed

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Your neighbour’s car alarm will continue to go off at random intervals all through the night, according to reports today.

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Germs shock international community by pulling out of ‘five-second rule’ agreement

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The Department of Health has received a notice from the germ community informing them that they are withdrawing from the five-second deal with immediate effect.

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Everyone in household convinced they always take the bin out

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All inhabitants of the same house complain that they’re the only ones who empty the bin.

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Price of mildly spicy chicken only thing stopping youth from joining our party, claim Tories

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The Conservative Party has lambasted the popular restaurant chain Nando’s for undermining their key strategy of using discounted peri-peri chicken legs to rejuvenate the party’s youth wing and assure the future of the movement.

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Morrissey announces two hometown arena racist diatribes with songs

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Eighties icon and desperate old bigot Morrissey has announced two racist diatribes with songs to take place at the Castlefield Bowl in July.

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Ken Livingstone resigns to spend more time with Hitler

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Ken Livingstone is resigning from the Labour party.

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Homeless of Windsor released back into the wild

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The homeless of Windsor have been let out of their cages.

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David Beckham under fire after tattooing himself during royal wedding

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Critics have hit out at soccer legend, David Beckham, who was spotted tattooing one of his legs during Saturday’s royal wedding ceremony at Windsor Castle

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