UK Spoof News and Satire

UK

‘Chaos’ if we stop rich people giving money to rich people, claims Duncan-Smith

Iain Duncan-Smith has claimed the government can not intervene in the bonus given to Stephen Hester by the RBS board, because preventing rich people giving money to other rich people would leave the world in ‘chaos’.

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Archbishop of York reminded that slavery also had a ‘very clear social structure for a long time’

After the Archbishop of York claimed that gay marriage should not be allowed because marriage has a very clear social structure which has been around for a long time, everyone reminded him this was also once true of slavery.

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RBS boss bonus causes slight increase in taxpayers tutting

After Royal Bank of Scotland boss Stephen Hester was awarded a £963k bonus, taxpayers who funded the banks £45bn bailout took a few moments out to have a bit of a tut before discussing their plans for the weekend.

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‘Olympic village’ in turmoil as residents moan about state of each other’s gardens

Police attended a disturbance at the ‘Olympic village’ last night, after a row broke out over the state of one athlete’s hedge.

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Feel good stories at the end of the news to be replaced with dead paedophiles

After the nation’s spirits were lifted by the news that convicted paedophile Martin Smith has been found hanged in his cell, news broadcasters are considering replacing the lighthearted item at the end of the news with details of any incidents involving dead sex offenders.

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Britons full of shit, finds study

Research by academics at the University of Essex suggests Britons are a bunch of lying toerags who wouldn’t think twice about bullshitting their way out absolutely any situation.

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University graduates buoyed by news of 2,500 new McDonald’s jobs

University graduates previously concerned that the last three years of their lives had been a complete waste of time and money have received a boost, after McDonald’s announced 2,500 exciting opportunities for ambitious team-players.

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Mario Balotelli angered by ‘deliberate’ Redknapp tax evasion

Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli has reacted furiously after Harry Redknapp stole the attention of the world of football away from him for all of five minutes last night.

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Benefit cap to see rise in applicants per job from 23 to 2.68 million

With unemployment rising and the number of job vacancies decreasing, critics have warned that the government’s proposed benefit cap could see the average number of applicants per job increase from 23 to about 2.68 million.

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