UK

Conspiracy theorist decides not to wait for any bodies to get cold

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Enthusiastic conspiracy theorist Simon Williams has decided that waiting for the bodies to get cold is an unreasonably long time before telling the Internet his well-informed opinion of what has happened in Westminster this afternoon.

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UKIP fury as Ryanair impose ban on crayons and colouring books

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UKIP members of the European Parliament have reacted angrily after budget airline Ryanair announced that UK passengers would not be allowed to bring colouring-in books or crayons onto any of their flights to Brussels.

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‘Brexit likely to widen pay gap’ Theresa May assures CEOs

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Theresa May today allayed fears of Britain’s highest paid executives by confirming that Brexit will ‘go no way towards addressing the pay gap’ between Britain’s highest earners and those on the national living wage.

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MPs accuse CBeebies of pro-EU propaganda

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Dozens of furious MPs have accused BBC children’s television network CBeebies of anti-Brexit bias in its coverage.

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Rising inflation due to Brexit means there could eventually be £400 million a week for NHS

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Projections have shown that that should inflation continue to increase at current rates, by the time we actually leave the EU the £350 million a week for the NHS could actually be nearer £400 million.

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Britain to seek post-Brexit trade deal with Skull Island

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Conservative MPs are touting their strategy for new trade partners as part of post-Brexit “Global Britain” by encouraging business leaders and entrepreneurs to make deals with Skull Island.

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EU announces summit to invent new insulting terms for the British

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A summit of EU member states to discuss the creation of new insulting terms for the British is be held on 29 April, a month after the UK triggers Article 50.

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Widespread rioting after Waitrose announces end of free coffee offer

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There have been reports of rioting across Britain today after Waitrose announced the withdrawal of its popular offer of a free coffee to loyalty card members.

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Insurance companies restrict Richard Hammond to riding ‘nothing faster than a space hopper’

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Richard Hammond will not be allowed to drive anything faster than a space hopper because he keeps crashing into things, producers have revealed.

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Nigel Farage demands his face be projected onto the White Cliffs of Dover

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The occasional leader of UKIP, Nigel Farage, has demanded that pictures of his own face be projected onto the White Cliffs of Dover.

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