UK

Office Arsehole season to begin in earnest

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With Halloween just around the corner, followed by Movember, Children in Need and Christmas, the Office Arsehole’s busiest period of the year is about to begin.

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Women form queue to be impregnated by undercover policeman

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A woman awarded £400,000 after she had a child with an undercover policeman has led to women forming queues outside police stations across the country.

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Scotland to reduce drink drive limit to one bottle of Scotch

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The Scottish government has announced plans to reduce the country’s drink-drive limit to just one bottle of Scotch in time for Christmas.

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Complaints about Christmas ‘starting earlier than normal’ starting earlier than normal

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People have started to complain about Christmas starting much earlier than normal far earlier than normal, according the researchers.

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Mike Read apologises for ‘blacking up’ in UKIP Calypso video

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Former BBC Radio 1 DJ Mike Read has apologised and withdrawn a music video for his song ‘UKIP Calypso’ after people complained about him blacking up during his performance.

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Victims of crime prefer British criminals, insist UKIP

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Victims of crime in the UK prefer being subjected to the will of indigenous criminals, according to Nigel Farage.

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‘The Meek’ facing enormous Inheritance Tax bill

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The nation’s meek have been left shocked at the size of their potential Inheritance Tax bill, according to reports this morning.

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Bonus payments for dementia diagnoses sees 4000% rise in dementia diagnoses

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A new scheme to pay GPs a £55 cash bonus for every diagnosis of dementia that they make has seen a massive rise in the number of dementia diagnoses that they make.

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A little bit of holocaust denial never hurt anyone, confirm UKIP

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Just because your party leader is a racist who denies the holocaust doesn’t mean you can’t help UKIP maintain its European funding, Nigel Farage confirmed today.

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Panda suit and bamboo diet your best chance of survival, poor children told

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Wearing a black and white furry suit and adopting a diet consisting solely of bamboo is the average British child’s best hope of survival, a new report suggests.

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