UK

Posh woman has photo taken

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Multi-talented duchess Kate Middleton has successfully stood in front of a camera and had her photograph taken.

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Local ‘man’ reads manual

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Local man Simon Williams has been accused of letting the side down after reading the manual for his new television.

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Loathsome EU bastards slash mobile bills for hardworking Brits

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Meddling eurocrats have secured cheaper mobile calls throughout the EU in the latest display of their frightening power.

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Labour anti-Semitism crisis escalates as Jeremy Corbyn admits to sharing Hitler’s vegetarian beliefs

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The Labour Party has been plunged into further crisis after Jeremy Corbyn admitted to sharing the same vegetarian beliefs as Adolf Hitler.

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Zac Goldsmith to seek redemption with demonstration of quail eating etiquette

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Zac Goldsmith is to redeem himself in the eyes of London voters by showing everyone he is more than capable of eating quail without looking like an idiot.

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AA and RAC insist world record traffic jam ‘can be beaten’

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The AA and the RAC have issued a joint statement today calling on motorists across the UK to come together and ‘annihilate’ the world record for the longest traffic jam, this bank holiday weekend.

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Arseholes can no longer be discriminated against

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Arseholes have today been added as a protected group within the Equality Act, leading to a collective sigh and sagging of shoulders amongst the general population.

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Politician successfully deploys ironic chuckle on Any Questions

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UKIP leader Nigel Farage was hailed as genius in the art of political discourse after successfully utilising an ironic chuckle to undermine an opponent’s point on Radio 4’s Any Questions

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Tour of Yorkshire riders advised to bring snow tyres

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The riders in today’s first stage of the ‘Tour de Yorkshire’ cycle race are being advised to use snow tyres, as an entirely normal April weather for the county is expected to affect the route today.

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Ken Livingstone’s disabled toilet hiding place to get Blue Plaque

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The disabled toilet in which Ken Livingstone hid whilst reporters shouted questions about Hitler is to receive a blue plaque from English Heritage.

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