UK

Prince Charles letters show he thought he was writing to his plants

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Letters Prince Charles sent to the government clearly show he believed he was actually writing to his plants, we can exclusively reveal.

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‘Unhealthy’ Preston admits mistake in installing open sewer system on High Street

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Local councillors in Preston have suggested that the decision to install an open sewer in the ‘Unhealthiest High Street in Britain’ was, on balance, a mistake.

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Zayn Malik leaving One Direction foretold by Nostradamus

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An ancient manuscript from Nostradamus predicted Zayn Malik leaving One Direction nearly 500 years before he was even born.

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Zayn Malik quits One Direction to head up new Top Gear

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One Direction heart-throb Zayn Malik has sensationally quit the group to become the new presenter of Top Gear.

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People with horrifically skewed priorities ‘in mourning’ as Clarkson is let go

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The decision not to renew Jeremy Clarkson’s Top Gear contract has been described by middle-aged men everywhere as ‘the worst thing that could possibly happen to me’.

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Man left confused by cotton bud after being told not to put it in his ear

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A Northampton man was left bemused this morning after being told that cotton buds should not be put inside the ear.

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Personality survey finds Britain is essentially teeming with angry morons

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New research which mapped the personalities of 380 places in Great Britain has found that the entire nation is essentially packed full of arseholes and morons.

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Fracking industry demands cute little girl with pigtails as regulator

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Representatives from the UK fracking industry have called the current regulatory system ‘complex and relatively unapproachable’, demanding a new one led by a cute little girl with pigtails.

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Argentina urged to drop Falklands claim in return for Isle of Wight

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The British government is set to offer Argentina sovereignty over the Isle of Wight in return for finally recognising the Falklands as British territory.

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Jeremy Clarkson to run for Mayor of London

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With his career at the BBC likely over, Jeremy Clarkson has announced his next career move will be to run as Mayor of London when Boris Johnson steps down.

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