UK

Britain discovers one weird trick to lose pounds overnight

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Local nation Britain is the envy of other countries after discovering a weird trick to lose huge numbers of pounds in a single day.

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Britons buying Euromillions tickets whilst they still can

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British Lottery vendors are expecting a rush on Euromillions tickets whilst they’re still available, they have announced today.

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“Good, goooood” murmurs Emperor Palpatine

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The leader of the Dark Side is in curiously good humour this morning.

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‘You’re welcome’ says man who spent all day outside polling station with bag of pens

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Brexit campaigner Simon Williams has told everyone they’re most welcome after he and his bag of pens helped win the referendum.

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Britain still hoping for arrival of the Dragon Queen

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Britain is hoping for a hot blonde on a dragon to show up and wreak havoc sometime today, we can report.

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Turkeys vote for Christmas

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The Turkey population of Great Britain has voted in favour of Christmas in a referendum held yesterday.

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Referendum fought on ‘democracy’ to see nation get Prime Minister no-one voted for

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The country which voted to leave the EU due to a lack of democracy will now be led by a Prime Minister voted for by absolutely nobody.

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‘Does this tie look Priministerial?’ Boris Johnson asks wife

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Boris Johnson is spending an unusually long time picking his tie this morning, according to sources.

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Nigel Farage rushed to hospital with chronic smugness

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After a stunning referendum result, Nigel Farage has been left unable to celebrate properly after being rushed to hospital with a chronic case of smugness.

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Racists delighted

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Every bigot you’ve ever met is a little bit happier this morning.

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