UK

Two million ‘a small price to pay’ for Chris Evans’ wit and spontaneity, nation agrees

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Top earning disc jockey, Chris Evans, is probably underpaid according to virtually anyone in Britain with a radio.

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Controversy as salaries of staff at Little Winkle village library revealed

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The village of Little Winkle was in uproar yesterday as the salaries of staff at the village library were revealed as part of last year’s ‘Demonization of the village library’ edict.

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Attempt to distract British public with BBC salary revelations ‘a resounding success’, claim bastards

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Ruthless bastards at all levels of the British power structure have rejoiced at how well yesterday’s disclosures diverted the public’s attention from things that matter.

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Planning your funeral now more realistic priority than planning your retirement

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After the government announced Britons born between 1970 and 1978 won’t be able to claim the state pension until they are 68, workers under 48 have begun making enquiries about workplace funeral schemes.

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Nation grimly resolves to listen to Chris Evans in attempt to get value for money

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Everyone has decided to grit their teeth and make an attempt to listen to Chris Evans’ Radio 2 breakfast show to try and get some semblance of value for money after the revelation of his £2.2million pay packet.

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Fuck me look what Chris Evans gets paid, says Britain

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Britain has been astonished to learn just how much actual, real money Chris Evans is paid today.

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Pretend nursing far more lucrative than real nursing

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Getting a job pretending to be a nurse is much more lucrative than actually looking after sick people, the BBC has revealed.

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Multi-millionaire Daily Mail editor directs public anger towards BBC stars who earn fraction of his salary

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The editor of the Daily Mail has decided that public anger is best directed towards talented BBC stars rather than peddlers of lies and hatred in the printed media.

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New banknotes featuring women to be worth 20% less than male money

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New banknotes featuring important women in the nation’s history will be worth 20% less in order to reflect how society values modern women.

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Call centre employee treated for shock after man admits to being in an accident that wasn’t their fault

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A call centre employee was treated for shock yesterday after someone they’d cold-called admitted that they had been involved in an accident that wasn’t their fault.

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