UK

Boris Johnson is a ‘hypocritical twat’, claims Saudi Arabia

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Saudi Arabia has told Boris Johnson that he’s also a massive ‘puppeteer’ involved in proxy political wars simply to further his own agenda.

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Government opens new community swimming pool filled with tears of Remainers

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The government has taken advantage of the decision by MP’s to move forward with Theresa May’s Brexit plan by opening a new community swimming pool- filled with the tears of Remainers.

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Grown adult explaining to child that ‘there is no bogeyman’ still regularly terrified by stories in Daily Mail

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A grown adult explaining to his child that they don’t need to be scared of the entirely fictional bogeyman, still finds himself regularly frightened and angry at things he reads in the Daily Mail.

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UKIP to release Paul Nuttall scented candle

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Inspired by Kentucky Fried Chicken’s fried chicken scented candle, UKIP is releasing a limited edition Paul Nuttall scented candle in time for Christmas.

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Donald Trump named NewsThump’s “Resource of the Year”

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NewsThump is proud to announce that Donald Trump is their resource of the year.

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Man finally has excuse for not trimming his pubic hair

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39-year-old Simon Williams has announced his delight at his policy of avoiding pubic topiary finally being vindicated.

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Fat shamers target Christmas goose

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Goose, Simone Williams, has launched a scathing attack on social media body shamers who questioned whether it was a suitable choice to appear on a festive dinner plate.

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Londoners on National Living Wage urged to become parking spaces

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Following news that the average hourly cost of parking in London is greater than the National Living Wage, low-wage workers in the capital are being advised to quit their jobs to become parking spaces.

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Dad gets into Christmas spirit by drinking in the mornings

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Dad is hammered and it’s not even noon.

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Theresa May to publish fag packet on back of which Brexit plan is scribbled

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In what is being seen as a significant climb-down by the Government, Theresa May will make available the fag packet on which she scrawled the plans for Brexit after her 6th pint in a local pub.

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