UK

Leicester City owners sack catering team for failing to turn water into wine

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Leicester City FC has taken the unusual step of sacking their match-day catering team after they failed to turn water into wine.

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Paul Nuttall denies ever standing in a Stoke by-election

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has today denied ever standing in the Stoke by-election, claiming he was off celebrating his Brit award at the time.

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Last person who still believed £350m EU NHS claim finally realises

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The only man in the UK who still believed that there would be a weekly investment of £350m in the NHS following Brexit has finally realised that it won’t happen.

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Douglas Carswell to continue dining alone in the House of Commons

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After UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost the Stoke by-election, sources confirmed that Douglas Carswell would be forced to continue sitting on his own when eating at work.

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‘Cheryl and I are happy to announce we’re pregnant’ claims proud father-to-be Paul Nuttall

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has confirmed that he is the father of Cheryl’s unborn child, sending shockwaves through celebrity gossip and political circles alike.

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Supernaturally sweaty gym-goer has ‘no plans’ to ever wipe his perspiration off the equipment

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A man whose levels of perspiration have are ‘even worse than Lee Evans breakdancing in a Saharan greenhouse’ has confirmed that he has ‘no plans’ to start wiping up the pools of sweat that he leaves on the gym equipment.

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Most Brits would struggle to name 10 fruit and veg, let alone eat them, finds study

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After researchers claimed that ten portions of fruit and vegetables a day may give us longer lives, a separate study has indicated that most Britons would struggle to name that many.

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Fairies fail to remove broken washing machine left by the side of the road

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The fairies have inexplicably failed to take away an old washing machine left on the street.

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Alien life beyond the solar system already eyeing up UK benefits system, warns Nigel Farage

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Following the discovery of seven Earth-sized planets orbiting a nearby star, Nigel Farage has warned that alien civilisations could already be planning to take advantage of Britain’s “soft-touch” benefits system.

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New Scottish BBC Channel to be named “Watch It, Ya Bastard”

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The BBC is to launch a new channel exclusive to Scotland.

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