UK

Jeremy Corbyn unmasked as HYDRA agent

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Plucky, loveable hero Jeremy Corbyn is actually an agent of supranational comic book terror organisation HYDRA, according to a shock revelation today.

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Marcus Rashford to resolve Brexit debate, bring balance to the Force

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After scoring 135 seconds into his debut, England supporters are calling on Marcus Rashford to end the Brexit debate and bring balance to the force.

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Jose Mourinho announces first Man Utd signing will be ‘London Routemaster’

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New Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has told club officials to spare no expense in trying to sign one of London’s Routemaster buses on a long-term contract.

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Petrol shortages could damage quality of our rioting, warn striking Frenchmen

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Striking French workers have warned that petrol shortages could seriously impact upon the ability of angry mobs to carry out rioting to required television standards.

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Dictionary to redefine ‘debate’ as ‘two unpleasant men shouting ‘immigrants’ at each other’

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The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that following the level of discourse surrounding the EU referendum the definition of ‘debate’ will be changed.

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Men who dress up like dogs ‘just like shitting in the park’

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Men who like to dress up as dogs have admitted it’s just because they like defecating in public.

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Legal Highs not produced by the Government’s friends now banned

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A blanket ban on all legal highs that aren’t from industries with close ties to the Government has come into force in the UK.

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Latest immigration figures give Nigel Farage ‘best erection in years’

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Nigel Farage was left ‘immediately tumescent’ after the release of the net immigration figures for last year.

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Britain’s nuclear deterrent software written by child on a ZX Spectrum

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The software running Britain’s nuclear deterrent was written by a 14-year-old in his bedroom on a rubber-keyed ZX Spectrum, a Freedom of Information request has confirmed.

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Dispute over image rights will see Mourinho manage Manchester Utd in balaclava

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A dispute over image rights could see new Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho wear a balaclava on the touchline and during post-match interviews.

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