UK

Christian Tories urged to seek definition of ‘delusion’

Thumbnail image for Christian Tories urged to seek definition of ‘delusion’

Leading figures in the Conservative party have been urged to invest in a good dictionary and turn to the entry for ‘delusion’, after continuing to promote their Christian ideology.

Read the full article →

£1500 Google Glass to finally end myth that people in glasses are ‘clever’

Thumbnail image for £1500 Google Glass to finally end myth that people in glasses are ‘clever’

As Google Glass prepares for a public release, the £1500 price tag has ensured the common perception that people wearing glasses are ‘clever’ is finally over.

Read the full article →

Heroin addicts regret recreational use of Blur back catalogue

Thumbnail image for Heroin addicts regret recreational use of Blur back catalogue

Rueful heroin addict Simon Williams, 46, has described his past use of Blur’s music as ‘part of me growing up’.

Read the full article →

Tamiflu performed exactly as we hoped it would, claim Tamiflu manufacturers

Thumbnail image for Tamiflu performed exactly as we hoped it would, claim Tamiflu manufacturers

A report claiming that Government stocks of Tamiflu work no better than paracetamol does not take into account how successful it is at ‘returning shareholder value’, according to Tamiflu executives.

Read the full article →

And what did Jesus say about the money lenders, nation asks David Cameron

Thumbnail image for And what did Jesus say about the money lenders, nation asks David Cameron

After claiming that Jesus Christ invented the Big Society, voters everywhere have asked the Prime Minister what Jesus thought of people who made a living by lending people money.

Read the full article →

UK GDP boost mainly from drugs and hookers

Thumbnail image for UK GDP boost mainly from drugs and hookers

The UK’s finances saw a boost this week when the government announced it would be including income from prostitution and drugs trade in future forecasts.

Read the full article →

Maria Miller claims pilfering tax payer money much easier from back benches

Thumbnail image for Maria Miller claims pilfering tax payer money much easier from back benches

Former culture secretary Maria Miller has resigned from her cabinet post, explaining that it’s much easier to help yourself to taxpayer money if you’re not in the papers every single day.

Read the full article →

‎We’re all really very sorry, says entire prison population

Thumbnail image for ‎We’re all really very sorry, says entire prison population

The entire prison population is in a very apologetic mood today after Culture Secretary Maria Miller avoided prosecution and the sack by saying sorry.

Read the full article →

Not being able to see for miles now an ‘emergency’, claim Londoners

Thumbnail image for Not being able to see for miles now an ‘emergency’, claim Londoners

London’s 999 service is reporting a significant increase in emergency calls from Cockneys who can’t see as far as they could yesterday.

Read the full article →

Giving up smoking to be banned in public places

Thumbnail image for Giving up smoking to be banned in public places

Wales could be the first part of the UK to ban giving up smoking in enclosed public places.

Read the full article →