UK

Pistorius judge to offer Ant & Dec lessons in building suspense

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Britain’s Got Talent presenters Ant & Dec are to receive coaching in the art of building tension from the judge in Oscar Pistorius’ trial, according to sources this morning.

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Scottish referendum parties do battle for lucrative North Korean endorsement

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As campaigning in the Scottish referendum enters its final phase, both sides have pulled out all the stops to woo the lucrative North Korean endorsement.

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Independent Scotland will be a lot like Mad Max, claim RBS

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RBS will leave an independent Scotland after economists predicted a Mad Max style post-apocalyptic wasteland dominated by the small amount of oil still up for grabs.

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Eager fan spots giant red arrow shapes on leaked Star Wars set photos

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Star Wars fans have been left tumescent with excitement after leaked photos from the set of the new Star Wars movie revealed giant red arrow shapes that could be part of the Disney franchise.

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Katie Price changes Apple iCloud password to ‘password’

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The latest iCloud leaked celebrity photo revelation has come from Katie Price who told reporters today that she has changed her password to ‘password’, due to a lack of interest in her photos.

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Alex Salmond claims independent Scotland would part own Royal Baby

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Any Royal Child conceived whilst Scotland is part of the UK will be part owned by an independent Scotland, Alex Salmond has confirmed today.

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Daily Mail reveals Jack the Ripper was a ‘Bloody Polish Immigrant’

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The Daily Mail has exclusively revealed that Jack the Ripper was a Polish immigrant only ‘over here’ due to our overly-generous Victorian immigration policy.

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Obama keen to build ‘bigger and better’ Stone Henge in US

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US President Barack Obama has celebrated his visit to Stone Henge by announcing federal funding for a giant henge of their own in America.

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Midsomer Murders character will ‘probably be fine’

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Despite a series of disagreements with fellow villagers, Midsomer Murders character Simon Williams will almost certainly come back from a late-night trip to the woodshed unscathed.

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Cameron ‘not ruling out’ action that could win him a GQ humanitarian award

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Prime minister David Cameron has said he is not ruling out the sort of military campaign in Iraq that could see him ultimately be named GQ’s Humanitarian of the year.

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