UK

Labour shake-up successfully completes purge of voters from the party

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The Labour Party has successfully completed a purge of a radical right-wing group calling itself ‘the electorate’ this week.

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Owen Smith declared an unperson

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Following the Party’s re-establishment of Jeremy Corbyn as their leader, challenger Owen Smith has been declared an unperson.

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Comrade Corbyn’s victory is doubleplusgood, announces Labour Party

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Comrade Corbyn’s victory is doubleplusgood and otherthinkwise is thoughtcrime, the Labour Party has confirmed.

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2 Unlimited in disarray as authorities introduce some limits

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The future of pop group 2 Unlimited is uncertain after authorities recently established some limits.

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Pippa’s stolen private photos a ‘disgusting invasion of privacy’, insist men busy googling for them

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Men everywhere have this morning described as ‘disgusting’ the invasion of privacy caused by stolen private photos of Pippa Middleton, before seeking clarification on exactly where they are online.

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BBC to open up Question Time audience to people who aren’t complete morons

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The BBC is to open up the format of Question Time by allowing people who aren’t hopeless simpletons into the audience.

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Scientists discover humble Mancunian

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A Mancunian has been discovered with humility, shocking the city to its core and leading to promises that he will be eliminated.

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Paul Hollywood to be executed for high treason

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Great British Bake Off host Paul Hollywood has been sentenced to death.

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Eggs and Flour announce they are to leave Great British Bake Off

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After Mary Berry announced she will follow Mel and Sue out of the Great British Bake Off door, the main ingredients have sensationally stated they are also leaving the show out of loyalty for the BBC.

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Mary Berry tells Channel 4 to shove it up their soggy bottoms

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Mary Berry has made an unusually forceful statement by telling Channel 4 they can piss right off with that big money offer.

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