UK

Theresa May successfully delivers Brexit deal that disappoints absolutely everyone

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Prime Minister Theresa May has outlined her negotiated Brexit deal, ensuring that everyone is unhappy with it, regardless of how they voted in the referendum.

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Cabinet ministers urged to keep their resignation letters nice and short

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Members of the cabinet have been asked not to waffle on and on when they inevitably resign over the next few hours.

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“No deal is better than a bad deal but please agree to this bad deal so we can have a deal” pleads May

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Theresa May still thinks no deal is better than a bad deal but would quite like us all to crack on with this bad deal anyway, according to reports this afternoon.

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Parliament to be given vote between May’s terrible Brexit deal and catastrophe of no deal

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Prime Minister Theresa May is presenting her Brexit deal to her cabinet colleagues before a parliamentary vote is scheduled on her negotiated terms, which will give MPs the choice between an awful deal, and an even worse one.

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Employee who misread lotto numbers frantically cleaning his own shit from manager’s desk

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An office employee has made a grave error, according to reports this morning.

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“Come on then, fuckers!” roars drunken Theresa May at Brexit cabinet meeting

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Theresa May has finally snapped and is offering a fist-fight to all who oppose her Brexit plan.

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Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom awake to find horse heads in their beds

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Leading Brexit campaigners Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom have told of waking up to find severed horse heads in their beds.

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Shock as Toy Story 4 trailer hints at introduction of sex toy character

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Fans of the Toy Story franchise have been left stunned today after it was revealed that the next instalment will include a new character in the form of a sex toy evidently belonging to Andy’s mother.

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“You can have a freakshake when you stop being so f*cking fat” confirms government

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No, of course you can’t enjoy a freakshake, you fat sack of shit, confirmed this government this morning.

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Harry Redknapp’s I’m A Celebrity luxury item revealed to be a chequebook

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Football manager Harry Redknapp will be taking part in this series of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, and has chosen someone else’s chequebook at the luxury item he can’t be without.

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