UK

William sent to Falklands to shout “Come on then!” across exclusion zone

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Prince William has been deployed to the Falkland Islands to shout “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough!” across the 200 mile exclusion zone surrounding the islands.

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‘Big cat’ DNA tests point instead to ‘feral’ Bill Oddie

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DNA tests on deer carcasses found in Gloucestershire have ruled out an attack by a ‘big cat’, but have instead raised fears of a ‘feral’ Bill Oddie.

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Undercover cops ‘must wear uniforms in future’

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An undercover cop who infiltrated a group of green activists showed a blatant
disregard for police dress code, according to senior officers.

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Goodwin: “I’ll just pay people to keep calling me ‘Sir Fred’”

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Disgraced ex-RBS chief Fred Goodwin has reacted to being stripped of his knighthood by saying that he’ll use his massive pay-off and pension to simply pay people to keep calling him ‘Sir Fred’.

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David Jason stripped of OBE in backlash against ‘Royal Bodyguard’

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Disgraced comedy actor David Jason has been stripped of his OBE, following a media campaign against his role in ‘The Royal Bodyguard’.

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Bebo collapse to force sexual predators back into playgrounds

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Playgrounds across the country are reporting a large rise in nonce appearances after the collapse of once popular social network Bebo forced sexual deviants to look elsewhere for children to groom.

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Testicular electrodes should replace the pill, conclude women

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After research showed that a dose of ultrasound can stop the production of sperm in human testicles, women everywhere claimed this was now the perfect replacement for the tiresome pill.

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Hairdressing college drops ‘hairdressing’ to focus on league tables

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The historic hair college of Bletchley will stop teaching students how to cut hair from next term, to focus more strongly on their performance in league tables.

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Liverpool fans gather outside court to boo assault victims

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A crowd of around one hundred football fans has gathered outside of Liverpool Crown court this morning to jeer victims of crime as they make their way in to attend trials.

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RBS boss Hester to struggle by on £1.2m salary alone

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RBS boss Stephen Hester has refused to take his £1m share bonus, insisting he is willing to struggle by on his £1.2m salary for the good of the taxpayer.

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