UK

Poetry by non-poets to be outlawed

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Any form of verse written by anyone who doesn’t do it for a living is to be banned.

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Experts baffled by popularity of politician with ‘principles’

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Politicians and commentators have admitted to being utterly baffled as to the appeal of principled politician, Jeremy Corbyn.

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Captain America accused of using performance-enhancing drugs

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Popular superhero Captain America stands accused of taking ‘performance-enhancing substances’ to achieve his remarkable record of success this morning.

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Lord Sewel to take up new role as ‘Legend on Campus’

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After being pictured snorting drugs off a hooker’s breasts whilst wearing a bra and a leather jacket, Lord Sewel is to take up a new role as a campus legend.

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England vs Scotland World Cup Qualifiers to definitely bring out the best in everyone

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After England were drawn in the same World Cup qualification group as Scotland, experts everywhere said that this will definitely end up reflecting brilliantly on all concerned.

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Calls to give Lords a salary as Lord Sewel forced to snort cocaine using a ‘Fiver’ and just two prostitutes

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The have been calls to give members of the House of Lords a competitive salary after Lord Sewel was forced to snort his cocaine using the lowest denomination note available. The chairman of the privileges and conduct committee in the Lords was filmed snorting cocaine from the breasts of a prostitute using an old five-pound note, in […]

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Actually drugs and prostitution should be legal after all, says Labour Party

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The Labour Party has announced that drugs and prostitution should be perfectly legal after all.

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Milkshake fails to bring boys to yard

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A milkshake has failed to bring any boys to the yard this afternoon, we can report.

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Commie bastard Jeremy Corbyn is freedom-hating pinko KGB terrorist, confirm opponents

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Communist firebrand, Jeremy Corbyn, would force your children into Soviet-style collective farming if elected, according to his opponents for the Labour leadership.

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Ryanair to offer first budget flights to Kepler-452b Luton airport

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Budget airline Ryanair has stolen a march on the competition by offering discount flights to newly discovered Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, flying into Kepler-452b Luton airport.

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