UK

‘Isn’t this exciting’ claims woman doing thing she said would be ‘a disaster’ six months ago

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Prime Minister Theresa May has spoken at length about her excitement at undertaking a process she described as a disaster earlier this year.

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NHS facing bleak future after £15m ‘not enough’ to make Jeremy Hunt go away

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Despite making £15m overnight from the sale of his business, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has today announced that he will not let the windfall distract him from completing his task of single-handedly destroying the NHS.

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Operation to remove malignant Michael Gove from Donald Trump’s colon ‘a complete success’

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An operation to have Michael Gove surgically removed from the arse of Donald Trump has been a success, according to reports emerging from the US.

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UK will definitely get quick trade deal with US because Donald Trump always tells the truth

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Michael Gove has insisted that the UK will get a speedy trade deal with the US because president-elect Donald Trump has proven himself to be a man of his word when it comes to making deals.

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Sherlock was much better before Brexit, insist viewers

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Sherlock has gone down hill rapidly since the country voted to leave the EU, according to fans of the show today.

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Prince Charles writes book about superhero who talks to plants

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Prince Charles has written a book about a fictional superhero with the power to strike up a conversation with vegetation. The Adventures of Plantman is the first in a series aimed at adults in the hope of explaining to them the complicated issues around people who talk to plants. A spokesperson for the publisher told us, […]

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Missing persons case opened after ‘Sherlock’ writer vanishes up his own arse

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Detectives are understood to be baffled this morning after the writer of BBC’s ‘Sherlock’ vanished up his own arse.

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Brexit plan to include throwing virgins into a volcano

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Prime Minister Theresa May is to make a speech in which she will outline her plans to appease the Gods in a bid to achieve a Brexit that “works for everyone”.

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Pound falls on reports of Brexit plans to relocate Great Britain to Pacific Ocean

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The pound has hit its lowest level in three months amid reports that Theresa May will outline plans to physically pull Great Britain out of Europe and relocate it in the Pacific Ocean, just to the south of Hawaii.

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Aunt no longer giddy

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It has been revealed that, due to medical advancements, the well-known giddy aunt is no longer giddy, leading to consternation amongst users of the popular idiom.

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