Technology

Peak broadband time revealed as one hour after wife has gone to bed

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UK broadband speeds drop by an average of 35% from their off-peak highs as soon as men can be sure their spouse is sleeping soundly, according to a report today.

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Thousands of angry male Facebook users left unaffected by porn virus

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Thousands of male Facebook users have registered their disgust at being completely unaffected by a virus that has been displaying images of hardcore pornography in news feeds.

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Facebook to ask permission before tattooing people as they sleep

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Facebook has surprised its critics by no longer assuming that subscribers agree with changes made to their terms and conditions, and will actively seek permission before tattooing members with adverts as they sleep.

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Conspiracy theorists claim Mars mission simulation is a hoax

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Conspiracy theorists have today insisted that the Mars500 simulation at a Moscow Institute never took place, and that the participants never even went near a Mars mission simulation.

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Chinese secret services welcome BT’s accelerated rollout of high-speed broadband

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The Chinese government has welcomed BT’s accelerated rollout of high-speed fibre across the UK, insisting it currently takes them far too long to download sensitive secrets over the country’s current infrastructure.

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Apple urges Scotland to learn English

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Apple has responded to Scottish criticism of its iPhone 4S Siri voice-activation service by suggesting that the people of Scotland try and learn English.

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Actress sues film website for not pretending she’s more employable

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An actress is suing IMDb for more than $1m after a list of all the terrible films she’s been in was posted on their Internet Movie Database.

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Web porn blocker would render computers pointless, warn men

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Men have warned that they will no longer have a need for computers unless they can persuade their wives that having unlimited access to pornography is something that benefits the whole family.

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New Facebook iPhone app forcing people to actually talk to each other

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The new version of the Facebook iPhone app has dramatically improved the social lives of iPhone owners, by crashing their devices and forcing them to actually talk to other human beings.

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Tributes continue to pour in for dead iPhone factory worker

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Tributes continue to pour in for Zhu Chang, the iPhone factory worker who tragically jumped to his death yesterday following a lengthy battle against murderously long hours and poor working conditions at the Foxconn factory at Longhua, near Shanghai.

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