Technology

Moody, black and white profile pictures found to be key indicator twattery

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Researchers from Luton University will today publish a report that claims any individual using a black and white profile picture in which they attempt to look sullen and mysterious in fact merely confirms their innate twatishness to the casual observer.

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Crowded passenger plane causes disruption to twats dicking about with drone

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A flight packed with holidaymakers has severely impacted the fun of some drone-flying twats in a field.

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Google busy removing all traces of the European Union from history

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The EU has ceased to exist in any meaningful form after Google removed it from its search engines.

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Medical researchers confirm strong link between vaccines and not dying

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There is a ‘causal link’ between the introduction of vaccines and not keeling over dead from entirely preventable causes before your fifth birthday, doctors have confirmed today.

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Brilliant Government unveils absolutely fantastic new regulations about what people can say online

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New regulations on what can be posted, shared and published online are an absolutely brilliant idea and will make everything better for everyone.

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Microsoft advises customers to avoid paying hackers lots of money by paying lots of money to Microsoft

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A company that wrote insecure software suggests paying them a massive amount of money to avoid paying some hackers a lot less money.

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Apple user left ‘chronically smug’ after global PC cyber-attack

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An Apple devotee has become almost unbearably smug after learning of the hacking of millions of Windows computers across the world.

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Concerned nation joins search for missing Jeremy Hunt

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Concerned friends and relatives have asked for information on the whereabouts of Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, who hasn’t been seen since Thursday.

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Doctors told to give IT systems two aspirin and come back on Monday

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Doctors have been told their IT systems will be looked at on Monday if they don’t get better of their own accord over the weekend.

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Vladimir Putin demands $300 ransom in NHS cyberattack

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The $300 ransom demanded in the NHS cyber attack would ‘almost double’ Russian GDP if paid, experts have warned.

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