Technology

Buzz Aldrin evacuated from South Pole after battling Shoggoths beneath the ice

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86-year-old Buzz Aldrin has been evacuated from the South Pole after engaging in fisticuffs with Shoggoths in an ancient city beneath the ice, we can report.

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Open letter on blog continues to go unread

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A woman’s open letter to a stranger that upset her in the shops remains unread for the fifth consecutive day, it has emerged.

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‘Fake news is way better than real news’ insists Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg

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Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has defended his company from criticism about the proliferation of ‘fake’ news stories on the social network, insisting that real news “absolutely sucks”.

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Donald Trump could regain access to Twitter account on completion of successful trial with nuclear codes

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Donald Trump, who had his Twitter access revoked by his campaign managers, has successfully secured access to America’s nuclear codes.

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Facebook user wastes two hours sharing things to impress his insurance company

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Facebook user Simon Williams has admitted he only shares things on social media to impress other people, so trying to impress his insurance company seemed like a sensible thing to do.

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Microsoft Outlook to introduce ‘Hillary’ button to delete emails ‘en masse’

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Microsoft has today announced that the next version of their popular email software will include a function that quickly and irretrievably deletes every email on the computer.

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Audi’s self-driving cars will give owners option to disable indicators

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The experience of being an Audi driver will not be lost once the car firm releases its range of self-driving vehicles, according to executives for the company.

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Millennial demands state pension after age verification software says he is 67

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32-year-old Simon Williams has demanded his state pension after age verification software used by the Daily Mail insisted he was 67.

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Illuminati holding back release of half-decent smartphone battery

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The Illuminati are blocking smartphone manufacturers from releasing a half-decent battery, according to a high-ranking former insider who has broken rank from the shadowy society.

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Julian Assange still receiving secrets through tin cans and string, security experts warn

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People are passing secrets to Wikileaks through two cans and a length of string after Julian Assange’s Internet was cut off.

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