Technology

Inventor of iPhone autocorrect to be hunted down and kiL Ed

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The man who designed the autocorrect function on the iPhone is to be identified adn kiL ed, it has been Anne ounced.

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Andy Murray ‘made in Scotland from Girders’, claim scientists

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Andy Murray is in fact a remarkable tennis-playing robot built by an eccentric Scottish granddad in his shed, we can reveal.

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Twitter to shut down to stop people sharing panicky, unsourced rumours about Twitter shutting down

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Twitter is to shut down because people keep using it to share panicky, unsourced rumours, according to worried, anonymous sources today.

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Twitter outage forces man to keep tedious observations to himself

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After Twitter had gone down briefly this morning, Hackney resident Simon Williams was forced to keep his god-awfully tedious thoughts to himself.

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Sharp increase in people attending Binge Watchers Anonymous

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Research has shown a sharp rise in people attending Binge Watchers Anonymous meetings in an attempt to curb their destructive binge-watching habits.

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Amazon delivery drones to autodetect when you’re not at home

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Amazon has announced a major breakthrough in developing drone technology which can detect when you’re not in.

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Old Nokia handsets would be the only thing to survive the apocalypse, claim scientists

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The only man-made objects to survive a nuclear war would be old Nokia handsets, according to a study published today.

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More than 50% of people on Internet comments threads fail the Turing test

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It’s impossible to tell the difference between most people on the Internet and a very sweary robot, researchers have confirmed.

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Pokemon Go to replace golf at Rio Olympics

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Following a number of top golfers pulling out of the Rio games, organisers have decided to cut the sport from the Olympics and replace it with Pokemon Go.

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Hillary Clinton’s emails mostly cat gifs and Harry Potter fanfic, confirms Russia

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Vladimir Putin has confirmed that Hillary Clinton’s 30,000 private emails are mostly just animated cat pictures and Harry Potter fan fiction.

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