Technology

EU to respond to British ‘Independence Day’ with gigantic spaceships and Death-rays

Thumbnail image for EU to respond to British ‘Independence Day’ with gigantic spaceships and Death-rays

Boris Johnson’s call for a British Independence Day has been met by the EU trebling research funding into gigantic spaceships and beam weapons to lay waste to London, according to reports today.

Read the full article →

Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

Thumbnail image for Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

A gigantic Kraken-like sea monster spotted on Google Earth has been positively identified as the alien demon-god Cthulhu risen from his eternal slumber today.

Read the full article →

Microsoft acquires LinkedIn to corner market in extraordinarily annoying products

Thumbnail image for Microsoft acquires LinkedIn to corner market in extraordinarily annoying products

Microsoft is to pay $26bn to acquire LinkedIn in a move designed to protect its market leadership position in the provision of software tools that leave you relentlessly frustrated.

Read the full article →

Innovative new indoor ‘calling’ feature announced by EE

Thumbnail image for Innovative new indoor ‘calling’ feature announced by EE

EE has announced a new indoor calling feature after tests in a controlled environment saw its network sustain communications between two customers located in adjoining rooms.

Read the full article →

Facebook now entirely populated by the galactically smug

Thumbnail image for Facebook now entirely populated by the galactically smug

At 8.36 last night, modest man Jeremy Lumps deleted his Facebook account and in doing so he left Facebook now exclusively populated by the most self-satisfied people on the planet.

Read the full article →

New Amazon algorithm to show you advert for thing you’ve just bought even quicker

Thumbnail image for New Amazon algorithm to show you advert for thing you’ve just bought even quicker

Amazon has announced that it will be using a sophisticated new advertising algorithm that will show you an advert for the thing you’ve just bought even quicker than ever before.

Read the full article →

Internet trolls excited by prospect of larger Twitter character count

Thumbnail image for Internet trolls excited by prospect of larger Twitter character count

Twitter has announced that mentions and pictures will no longer count towards your 140 character limit, giving trolls everywhere a greater canvas on which to spread their messages of joy.

Read the full article →

Britain’s nuclear deterrent software written by child on a ZX Spectrum

Thumbnail image for Britain’s nuclear deterrent software written by child on a ZX Spectrum

The software running Britain’s nuclear deterrent was written by a 14-year-old in his bedroom on a rubber-keyed ZX Spectrum, a Freedom of Information request has confirmed.

Read the full article →

Minions file ‘cease and desist’ against Facebook users

Thumbnail image for Minions file ‘cease and desist’ against Facebook users

The minions are fed up of your tedious minion memes.

Read the full article →

‘Cigar wall’ urged to try vaping

Thumbnail image for ‘Cigar wall’ urged to try vaping

A brick wall seen smoking a cigar on social media has been urged to try vaping by the anti-smoking lobby.

Read the full article →