Technology

UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

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As driverless cars were approved for UK roads, drivers everywhere explained they would never be accepted until they can adequately abuse their fellow road users.

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Putting your entire life on Facebook ‘not compulsory’, finds study

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Millions of Facebook users were shocked today at the publication of a new legal investigation which revealed that publishing everything you ever do on the social network isn’t ‘compulsory’.

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Royal Mail urges people to change house numbers after data breach

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The UK’s Information Commissioner is today investigating a massive data theft of names and addresses from a Royal Mail facility in Slough.

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Claims that Michael Gove passed Turing Test ‘completely untrue’

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Recent claims by the Conservative party that Michael Gove has passed the Turing test and is therefore a real human being have turned out to be ‘inaccurate’.

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Google driverless cars to prompt you to be angry with other road users

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Google’s new driverless car will include digital instructions on when passengers should abuse fellow road users.

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Audi owners claim new AEB brakes ‘will let us drive even closer to you’

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Audi owners have insisted that widespread adoption of autonomous emergency braking (AEB) would allow them to drive even closer to your rear bumper.

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Switch to Google+, Farage urges UKIP activists

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Following a string of social media controversies involving UKIP campaigners, Nigel Farage has urged supporters to switch to the ‘up and coming’ social network, Google+.

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£1500 Google Glass to finally end myth that people in glasses are ‘clever’

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As Google Glass prepares for a public release, the £1500 price tag has ensured the common perception that people wearing glasses are ‘clever’ is finally over.

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John Terry to test drive lab-grown vaginas

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Former England captain and occasional racist John Terry has claimed he should have ‘first go’ on pioneering synthetic minges, it has emerged.

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US military stealth bombers to try turning off transponders instead

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The US defence department has said it will put on hold its billion dollar investment in stealth technology, after it turned out planes which switch off their transponder become invisible.

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