Technology

#PiersMorgansLifeMatters hashtag fails to catch on

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The ‘Piers Morgan’s life matters’ twitter hashtag campaign has completely failed to catch on, we can report today.

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Divorce lawyers start bidding process for hacked Ashley Madison membership list

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The bidding for the hacked membership list of adulterers website Ashley Madison has begun in earnest, according to sources today.

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Prick paying for his coffee with Apple Watch making sure everyone knows it

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The guy at the front of the Starbucks queue has paid for his coffee with his Apple Watch this morning, but not before making sure everyone in the shop knew about it.

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Colleague who bought Apple Watch at launch finally stops talking about it

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The insufferably smug prick in your office finally managed to shut his fat face about his pointless bit of ‘wearable tech’ this morning.

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New sin-free version of Facebook ‘still completely empty’

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FaceGloria, a new social network set up by Christians in Brazil with a remit to be completely sin-free has had absolutely no content uploaded to it, according to reports today.

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Last Tamagotchi dies in captivity

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The last Tamagotchi in captivity has died, meaning the species is now officially extinct.

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Geordie accent to be banned under new data encryption laws

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The Geordie accent will be banned under new encryption laws to be brought in by the government, we can report today.

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95% of all Facebook posts now complete drivel

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A new study has revealed that the vast majority of posts to Facebook are utterly shit.

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Computer experts baffled as switching it off and on again doesn’t solve IT problem

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Some of the top minds in computer science have been left baffled after an IT problem was not solved by restarting.

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Philae comet probe wakes up dying for a piss and with a mild erection

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The European Space Agency has reported that the Philae comet lander has woken up with an urgent needed to go to the bathroom and was in a mild state of sexual arousal.

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