Sports

‘Fit in three minutes’ claim gives millions hope of Olympic gold

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Thanks to new research that suggests that just three minutes of exercise a week can make a person fit, people all over the country are putting down their remote controls, finishing off their pasties and wondering what brand of trainers to endorse once they’ve won gold at the London 2012 Olympics.

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Ryan Giggs clocks up 900th incident of playing away from home

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Manchester United winger Ryan Giggs yesterday reached the milestone of playing away from home for a record 900th time.

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Dalglish: “This will be the first of many meaningless trophies”

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Kenny Dalglish has promised that Liverpool’s Carling Cup victory over Championship side Cardiff City will be the first of many meaningless trophies that he will bring to Merseyside in his second stint as manager.

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Terry Connor delighted to be Wolves’ 12th choice for manager job

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New Wolves manager Terry Connor has expressed his delight that all the people the club really wanted as manager have ruled themselves out, leaving him free to take the job.

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Villas-Boas: “My mum still backs my plan for Chelsea”

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Under-fire Chelsea boss André Villas-Boas has hit back at critics, saying that his mum still supports his plans for the football club.

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Professional fighters reprimanded for fighting after other fight

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The boxing community has rounded on fighters David Haye and Dereck Chisora after they chose to fight in a place that is traditionally reserved for talking about fighting after a fight.

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Relief for fans as Saint James signs sponsorship deal for Newcastle stadium

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Fans of Newcastle United football club have reacted with relief after their stadium’s new sponsor was revealed to be none other than Saint James the Greater, Apostle of Jesus.

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Scottish football breaks laws of physics by becoming even more predictable

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Scottish football has broken all known laws of physics by becoming even more predictable due to Rangers’ 10 point deduction for entering administration.

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Tevez had ‘slipper thrown at him every time he licked his genitals’

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Manchester City outcast Carlos Tevez has spoken out against the treatment he received from the club, after being physically struck with a house shoe for trying lick his own genitals in front of the fire.

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Dalglish defends Luis Suarez’s post-match murderous rampage

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Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has leapt to the defence of striker Luis Suarez after the forward spent yesterday evening on a murderous rampage that left fourteen dead and dozens more wounded.

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