Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

‘Is it me or is Gareth Southgate getting progressively more sexy?’ enquires everybody

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Gareth Southgate is definitely looking sexier and sexier.

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Neymar mistakes hand dryer for deadly tornado

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Brazilian superstar Neymar found himself caught in a disaster of epic proportions yesterday, after accidentally using a hand dryer at his hotel.

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Kasper Schmeichel and Peter Schmeichel consoled by fellow Schmeichels on Island of Schmeichel

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Kasper and Peter Schmeichel have returned home to the Island of Schmeichel.

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Michael Owen’s World Cup injury list rundown

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Hi, I’m Michael Owen, and this is my guide to who’s crocked and who’s not. You might say I’m the ideal person to do an injury summary having spent a fair bit of time on the bench myself.

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‘F*cking football’ says tennis

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Tennis is bloody annoyed at all this football nonsense taking up people’s time and filling up the TV schedules.

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Wayne Rooney moves to America to die

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Wayne Rooney will see out his last days in the USA.

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Just remember the billions we’ve spent on cocaine over the years, England tells Colombia

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England has politely reminded ambitious Colombian footballers to show a bit of fucking gratitude for the billions in drug revenues England has pumped into their dictatorship, ahead of next Tuesday’s clash in Moscow.

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England players criticised for talking to Belgian players rather than stabbing them in the face

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Following England’s 1-0 loss to Belgium last night, players have been criticised for openly chatting with their Belgian colleagues rather than seizing the opportunity to brutally stab them in the face leaving them with horrendous facial injuries and possible blindness.

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Germany celebrates as VAR appeal sees them retrospectively awarded 1966 World Cup

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German fans are celebrating today after a VAR appeal led to Geoff Hurst’s second goal in the 1966 World Cup being disallowed.

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Tabloid editors struggle to merge crap puns about Hitler and eating dogs

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The surprise defeat of Germany by South Korea has left Fleet Street’s finest at a loss on how to mix two differing crude stereotypes that are rarely, if ever, on the same page.

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