Sports

Critics poisoned my name by quoting me verbatim, claims Warnock

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Former QPR boss Neil Warnock has expressed his frustration at his departure from the club, citing people who repeated the words that came out of his mouth as the main reason for his sacking.

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2014 World Cup must feature drunken violence, insists Fifa

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Following a disagreement with the Brazilian government, Fifa has insisted that all venues at the Brazil World Cup must give supporters the opportunity to get hammered and throw bottles at opposing fans.

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The imaginary card I was waving was a yellow not a red, insists Mancini

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Manchester City Manager Roberto Mancini has defended his recent card waving antics by insisting the card he was waving in last night’s 1-0 victory over Wigan Athletic was clearly a yellow and not a red.

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Research into Andy Carroll’s first touch to be used for satellite launches, confirms space agency

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Research into the effectiveness of Andy Carroll’s first touch has led the European Space agency to enquire about his availability for upcoming satellite launches.

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I want to become king of Narnia, reveals David Beckham

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Following Eric Cantona’s revelation that he intends to enter the French presidential race, former Manchester United midfielder, David Beckham has declared his desire to become the next king of Narnia.

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Liverpool set to re-sign Ian Rush on short-term loan

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After Thierry Henry’s dream comeback for Arsenal last night, and Paul Scholes’ appearance as a substitute for Manchester United at the weekend, Liverpool have announced that former striker Ian Rush is set to come out of retirement to help ease the club’s striking crisis.

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Spectator ejected from darts championships for sober and orderly behaviour

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The BDO World Darts Championship has begun under a shroud of controversy after a member of the crowd was removed for remaining sober, repeatedly staying quiet while the players threw, and offering polite applause for good checkouts.

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Swindon avoid FA Cup upset as they see off plucky Wigan

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Swindon Town successfully avoided what many viewed as a potential banana skin by beating a plucky Wigan side 2-1 in the third round of the FA Cup.

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Liverpool to consider locking scouts in cupboard during transfer window

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After Premier League giants Liverpool spunked millions of pounds up the wall on sub-standard players during previous transfer windows, the club are considering locking their network of scouts in a cupboard under the stairs until February 1st.

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Police launch nationwide hunt for women definitely not assaulted by Titus Bramble

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As Sunderland footballer Titus Bramble faced his third assault charge, police have admitted it might be easier just to find those women he definitely hasn’t interfered with.

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