Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Outbreak of sleeping sickness traced to watching England football team

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A brief epidemic of narcolepsy which struck Britain last night has been traced to watching the performance of the England football team.

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England secure place for disappointing exit from Russia 2018

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With an unconvincing 1-0 win over Slovenia, the England football team have secured their berth to crash disappointingly out of the World Cup in Russia next year.

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New US gun law to allow people to own tanks, warships and short-range nuclear missiles

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A new law that will expand the variety of weapons that Americans can legally own has been introduced to the US Senate.

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NFL players told they could earn Donald Trump’s respect with tiki torches and white supremacist songs

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NFL players criticised for kneeling during the national anthem have been given tips on earning the respect of their president.

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Jose Mourinho attempts to shift focus to HIS penis

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Manchester United’s manager would like fans to focus on his allegedly large wang.

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Manchester United fans bid for Ivor Novello award with song about Romelu Lukaku’s genitals

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Manchester United fans are hoping to be recognised for outstanding songwriting and musical composition after crafting a heartfelt ballad about their new centre-forward’s penis.

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Driving ban sees Wayne Rooney open up eight-point gap over Everton

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Wayne Rooney has opened up an eight-point gap over the team he plays for, it has emerged.

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Wayne Rooney finally beats Sir Bobby Charlton’s drink-driving record

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Wayne Rooney has finally surpassed Sir Bobby Charlton’s record for drink-driving.

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Newly-vegan Lewis Hamilton demands Mercedes F1 team develop car that runs on broccoli

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Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton has told his Mercedes team he will only continue to drive for them if they develop an engine that runs on vegetables, after turning vegan in order to save the planet.

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English football fans outraged after German football fans behave exactly like English football fans

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English football fans have been outraged by outbreaks of Englishness among fans of a German football team, this morning.

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