Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Kim Sears’ Profanisaurus to be out for Christmas

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Andy Murray’s fiance Kim Sears has signed a lucrative publishing deal to produce a range of books teaching poor people how to swear properly.

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Robert Mugabe to run for FIFA presidency

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In a shock last minute development, Robert Mugabe has announced that he intends to run for the FIFA presidency.

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Warning that scrapping Page 3 could leave footballers unable to find girlfriends

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Premiership footballers could be left single and lonely after the Sun Newspaper announced it is to cease publication of its popular ‘Page 3′ dating section.

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David Ginola to address football corruption by getting bookie to pay him £250k to run for Fifa job

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Former footballer David Ginola is to run for the Fifa presidency to address financial influence in the world’s most popular game, and will begin by being paid £250k by a bookmaker just to run for the job.

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Ched Evans to get Oldham FC drunk and sign for them anyway

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Despite claims to the contrary, convicted rapist Ched Evans will today sign for Oldham FC today after plying the club with enough alcohol that he can sign a contract with them anyway.

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US adds FIFA to Axis of Evil

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The US has expanded the Axis of Evil to include World football governing body, FIFA.

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Brendan Rodgers to drop Jesus from Melwood nativity scene

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Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has angered Christian fans by dropping Jesus from the clubs Christmas nativity scene, insisting He be kept fresh for Easter.

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Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

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England’s relentless march towards the Euro 2016 championships has gathered almost unstoppable momentum after a Wembley victory against some sheep farmers, electricians and a guy who mows lawns.

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Struggling Van Gaal still feeling the weight of expectations left by Moyes

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Manchester United fans have claimed the appointment of new manager Louis Van Gaal as the worst in the clubs history, as he fails to live up to the high expectations set by his predecessor David Moyes.

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Rooney’s inspiring speech mistaken for drone of strimmer

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Wayne Rooney’s stirring first speech as England captain went largely unnoticed by teammates who presumed the noise to be a mechanical drone.

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