Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Gareth Southgate to celebrate England goals by windmilling his cock after dislocated shoulder

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After somehow managing to dislocate his shoulder while out running, the England manager will now just have to wave his penis around if his team scores another goal.

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Woman criticises husband for watching ‘that football rubbish for a month’ before turning back to Love Island

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John Green from Preston, who has been strongly condemned by his partner for hogging the television for a month to watch the world cup, has been told in no uncertain terms that he is spoiling the viewing enjoyment of the whole family.

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Gareth Southgate apologises for letting down tabloid hacks with unexpected England win

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The England manager has said sorry to tabloid headline writers for starting the World Cup in Russia with a win.

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England definitely going to win the World Cup

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According to experts across the country, England are definitely going to win the World Cup.

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Football hooligan frantically Googling for Tunisian takeaway to smash up later

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An English football hooligan is worried he won’t be able to express his inexplicable rage after the football this evening.

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Huge blow for England World Cup chances as Danny Welbeck fails to injure himself in training

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Huge blow for England World Cup chances after Danny Welbeck fails to injure himself in training

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Over-enthusiastic teammate performs oral sex on goal scorer during World Cup match

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A Mexican player was so overcome with joy as his team beat World Cup holders Germany that he began to perform oral sex on the scorer of the only goal – Hirving Lozano.

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Friend into football now

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A man has astonished friends by suddenly and unexpectedly appearing to be into football, according to reports this morning.

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Russia wins football match by default after Saudi team mysteriously poisoned

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Russia has won the opening match of the 2018 World Cup by default.

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Football fans warned not to shout ‘Shoot!’ during USA 2026 World Cup games

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Early warnings have been issued for fans to modify their language in advance of the 2026 World Cup because it will partially take place in a country where gun laws seem to actively encourage people to shoot each other.

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