Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

England lose to Ireland due to excessive drinking on St. Patrick’s Day

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England’s rugby team lost out to Ireland due to being hungover to fuck.

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Steve McClaren applies for vacant Derby County managers position

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Steve McClaren has applied for the vacant Derby County position, confident that the third time is a charm.

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Nicola Sturgeon refuses to accept result of England vs Scotland six nations match

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Nicola Sturgeon believes the result of the England vs Scotland six nations match was ‘wrong’ and will fight for it to be overturned.

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Pissing off Piers Morgan is my main motivation for not quitting, confirms Arsene Wenger

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Arsene Wenger has announced that as long as he’s annoying the fuck out of Piers Morgan he won’t quit as Arsenal manager.

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Jeremy Corbyn tells Arsene Wenger ‘the real fight starts now’

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has sent a message of support to beleaguered Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger following the Gunners humiliating exit from Europe last night.

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People who put their dole money on Tony Bellew thank David Haye for the tip

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People who followed David Hayes’ advice and put their dole money on Tony Bellew are considerably richer this morning.

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Crystal Palace fans begin to panic over fears Barcelona will try to lure away Big Sam

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Crystal Palace supporters are deeply concerned Barcelona will try to make Sam Allardyce their next manager.

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Newcastle United 2017/18 kit to feature crotchless shorts as Mike Ashley bids for Agent Provocateur

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Newcastle United’s players will adorn high-leg crotchless shorts for the 2017/18 season, after Mike Ashley’s Sports Direct look to take over ailing lingerie firm Agent Provocateur.

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Leicester City owners sack catering team for failing to turn water into wine

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Leicester City FC has taken the unusual step of sacking their match-day catering team after they failed to turn water into wine.

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Joey Barton to be punished less harshly than man who ate a pie

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The FA has confirmed that eating a Cornish Pasty will damage your career more than common assault, placing thousands of bets and taking diving lessons off Tom Daley.

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