Science

Hibernating bear definitely having a better time of it than you

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A bear who has spent the last three months asleep in a cave with some honey and a back scratcher has had a nicer time than you, it has confirmed.

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Homosexual calls for conversion therapy to ‘cure’ Christianity

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One of the country’s leading homosexuals has called for the use of the controversial conversion therapy to try and ‘cure’ Christianity.

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Elon Musk to be launched into space to retrieve sunglasses left in Tesla

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American entrepreneur and future Bond villain Elon Musk will later today be shot into space to collect the Ray-Bans he left in his red Tesla roadster.

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Cheddar Man probably ‘UK’s first benefit tourist’ insists Nigel Farage

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Nigel Farage believes ‘Cheddar Man’ was probably a benefits tourist putting extra strain on the Mesolithic welfare system.

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Putting a car into outer space cheaper than parking it in London, SpaceX confirms

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Putting a car into orbit around Mars is both cheaper and easier than parking it in London, Elon Musk has confirmed today.

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Angry cyclist spotted furiously chasing down car 300,000 miles from Earth

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A cyclist has been spotted furiously banging on the window of a vehicle and swearing at the driver 300,000 miles from earth.

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Britain First supporter taught to mimic human speech

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Scientists have hailed a breakthrough after a Britain First supporter was taught to mimic human speech.

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New study shows adolescence lasts from age of 10 until end of your Presidency

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A new study has recommended changing the ages that define adolescence to be from the age of 10 to at least the end of the first term of your Presidency, unless you never plan to be President, in which case it is 24.

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Horsehead Nebula actually a terrible threat by the space mafia

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The Horsehead Nebula was just left ‘lying around’ by the space mafia to let astronomers know to watch their step, according to reports.

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New Year Honours list ‘an absolute joke’, claims lazy bastard who has never helped anyone else

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A lazy, selfish bastard who has never lifted a finger to help anyone else has labelled the New Year Honours list a ‘complete joke’.

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