Science

Boys can wear dresses if they really want to, concede men wearing holy frocks

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Boys in Church of England primary schools should feel free to dress up in a skirt or tiara without fear of being bullied, men in frocks from the Church of England have conceded today.

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F*cking Hypno-squids, Sir David Attenborough confirms

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There are actual squids that can take over things brains and make them want to be eaten, Sir David Attenborough has confirmed.

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David Attenborough just making animals up now

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Many animals in the latest series of Blue Planet, including the Great Yorkle, the False Killer Whale and Hamburglar’s Antelope, were actually ‘made up for a laugh’ by David Attenborough, reports suggest.

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Good guy with a gun fails to prevent 2,945th successive mass shooting

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America is beginning to wonder precisely when a good guy with a gun is actually going to prevent a mass shooting.

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Big void at centre of Pyramid revealed to be a Starbucks

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There is a Starbucks at the centre of the Great Pyramids of Egypt.

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“By the way I’m gay” not the right answer to “Did you touch that child?” agrees everyone

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Kevin Spacey has come out as gay while also apologising for the alleged sexual assault of a 14-year-old boy, which everyone has agreed is “a bit different, if nothing else”.

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Snickers bars to be invisible to the naked eye by 2025

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Snickers bars are getting smaller so fast they will be invisible to the naked eye ‘within the decade’, scientists have confirmed.

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Big cuckoo added to Doomsday clock

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“If we’re going out, we may as well have a laugh doing it”, the world’s atomic scientists have announced.

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So-called experts still using ‘facts’

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Britain’s universities are a dangerous hotbed of facts and research which may be getting passed on to students, reports have warned today.

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Robert Mugabe made ‘Goodwill Ambassador’ because it was either him or Katie Hopkins, say WHO

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The World Health Organisation has defended its decision to appoint the Zimbabwean President as a goodwill ambassador, arguing that you should have seen who he was up against.

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