Science

CERN to release Small Hadron Collider for home use

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CERN has announced that they are to release a cut down version of their popular Hadron Collider for use in the home.

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Will YOU survive in post-Brexit Britain? Take our interactive quiz to find out!

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Brexit Secretary David Davis has announced that post-Brexit Britain is nothing to be scared of, which should give comfort to the sort of morons who believe anything he says – but will YOU be able to survive in post-Brexit Britain?

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Privatisation of ISS nothing to do with creating future evil space lair, insists Trump

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After announcing that funding should be withdrawn from the International Space Station and for it to become a future commercial platform, Trump has insisted that there is no need for global concern at all.

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Flat-earth space agency to launch satellites by throwing them off the edge

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The Flat Earth Society is to beat Elon Musk at his own game by throwing satellites off the edge of the world to get them into orbit.

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Hibernating bear definitely having a better time of it than you

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A bear who has spent the last three months asleep in a cave with some honey and a back scratcher has had a nicer time than you, it has confirmed.

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Homosexual calls for conversion therapy to ‘cure’ Christianity

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One of the country’s leading homosexuals has called for the use of the controversial conversion therapy to try and ‘cure’ Christianity.

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Elon Musk to be launched into space to retrieve sunglasses left in Tesla

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American entrepreneur and future Bond villain Elon Musk will later today be shot into space to collect the Ray-Bans he left in his red Tesla roadster.

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Cheddar Man probably ‘UK’s first benefit tourist’ insists Nigel Farage

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Nigel Farage believes ‘Cheddar Man’ was probably a benefits tourist putting extra strain on the Mesolithic welfare system.

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Putting a car into outer space cheaper than parking it in London, SpaceX confirms

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Putting a car into orbit around Mars is both cheaper and easier than parking it in London, Elon Musk has confirmed today.

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Angry cyclist spotted furiously chasing down car 300,000 miles from Earth

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A cyclist has been spotted furiously banging on the window of a vehicle and swearing at the driver 300,000 miles from earth.

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