Science

Captain Cook’s landing at Botany Bay was faked, insists 18th century conspiracy theorist

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An 18th-century conspiracy theorist is convinced Captain Cook’s landing at Botany Bay was faked in a London engraving parlour.

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David Cameron denies any involvement in creation of first human-pig embryo

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The former Prime Minister has been quick to deny that he had any involvement in the creation of the world’s first human-pig embryo.

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‘Fuck this, I’m going back to space’ says Tim Peake

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British astronaut Major Tim Peake has decided that life on Earth is no longer for him, as it is confirmed that he will make a second mission into space.

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Human evolution put on hold while people argue over definition of ‘facts’

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The evolution of the human race has been placed on hold until people stop treating facts like a form of witchcraft.

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Stephen Hawking to replace wheelchair with gigantic golden throne and send his mind into the Warp

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Stephen Hawking wants to replace his wheelchair with a golden throne and send his mind into the Warp, according to a funding proposal submitted today.

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Iceberg insists it can thrive on its own after winning referendum to leave Antarctica

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One of the ten biggest icebergs ever recorded is planning to leave Antarctica immediately after comprehensively winning a referendum on the matter.

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Postman Pat caught delivering four kilos of crack cocaine

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Postman Pat has been caught delivering a shitload of nose powder. The lovable children’s character was caught in a sting at 7:30 am this morning during his rounds, following reports that millions of pounds of drugs are delivered via the Royal mail every year. “This is bullshit!” screamed Postman Pat, from his police cell. “I […]

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What the fuck is a ‘detox’? asks your liver

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Your liver reckons that if you think you need a ‘January detox diet’ then you probably didn’t listen during Biology lessons at school.

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Night sky lambasted for looking ‘too Islamic’

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After a clear night over Britain, the night sky has attracted strong criticism for featuring symbols of Islam, such as a star and a crescent moon.

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Hull named 2017 British City of Culture for a joke

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Hull has been named 2017 city of Culture and they’ve not twigged yet, according to reports.

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