Science

NASA photo of Earth’s most inhospitable place actually of Slough town centre

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A NASA photo of one of the most inhospitable places on earth was not Mount Everest, but Slough town centre, according to officials this morning.

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Private investors announce plans to put first corporate logo on the moon

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After plans were announced for private investment to be the driving force for a return to the lunar surface, speculation has grown that advertisers could be on the verge of putting the first corporate logo on the moon.

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Supermassive black hole in danger of being consumed by Simon Cowell’s ego

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The second largest, most dense cosmic entity ever seen in our Universe is in danger of being consumed by Simon Cowell’s ego, experts predicted today.

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Hyper-Intelligent alien saviours visit earth, read YouTube comments, leave hurriedly

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A race of hyper-intelligent aliens who recently visited Earth with the intention of solving all mankind’s problems left hurriedly yesterday afternoon after reading a selection of comments left on YouTube.

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Scientists discover parasitic worm with ‘basic ability to fiddle expenses’

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Filth scientists have discovered a repulsive new species of worm, with a rudimentary ability to commit fraud.

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Angelina Jolie announces plans to adopt orphan planet

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Actress and serial adoptress Angelina Jolie has announced plans to add planet CFBDSIR2149-0403 to her brood, insisting that seeing the planet all alone makes her incredibly sad.

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BBC feared alien ‘first contact’ might include a swear word

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The BBC banned the nation’s favourite scientist, Professor Brian Cox, from trying to communicate with aliens due to fears first contact could see them using recognisable expletives.

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Psychic uses spirit guide to correctly predict lack of psychic ability

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Professional psychic Patricia Putt has claimed she definitely has psychic powers after she had a vision which correctly predicted she would fail a test to see if she has psychic powers.

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Scotland to join space race after discovery of planet made solely from Diamond White

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Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has announced the nation will immediately commence work on a space programme after the discovery of a planet made solely of Diamond White cider.

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Human genome map finally isolates ‘annoying prick’ sequence

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Scientists have published the most detailed analysis to date of the human genome, claiming to have isolated the code which makes people an utter pain in the arse to be around.

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