Science

Man’s day ruined after he makes mistake of trying new sandwich for lunch

Thumbnail image for Man’s day ruined after he makes mistake of trying new sandwich for lunch

A man has had a terrible day after he was foolishly adventurous and didn’t buy his usual lunchtime sandwich.

Read the full article →

Scientific authority of astrology under fire as literally nothing good happens after two planets align

Thumbnail image for Scientific authority of astrology under fire as literally nothing good happens after two planets align

Horoscope peddlers are facing tough questions today after two planets aligned and absolutely nothing of note happened.

Read the full article →

Blue Planet saving ‘biggest surprises’ for last ever episode

Thumbnail image for Blue Planet saving ‘biggest surprises’ for last ever episode

The last episode of the Blue Planet series will look at how human activity can affect the ocean, such as reading the Necronomicon and wakening Cthulhu.

Read the full article →

Please stop eating us in your sleep, beg house spiders

Thumbnail image for Please stop eating us in your sleep, beg house spiders

For people who claim to be afraid of spiders you eat a heck of a lot of us in your sleep, spiders have said today.

Read the full article →

Boys can wear dresses if they really want to, concede men wearing holy frocks

Thumbnail image for Boys can wear dresses if they really want to, concede men wearing holy frocks

Boys in Church of England primary schools should feel free to dress up in a skirt or tiara without fear of being bullied, men in frocks from the Church of England have conceded today.

Read the full article →

F*cking Hypno-squids, Sir David Attenborough confirms

Thumbnail image for F*cking Hypno-squids, Sir David Attenborough confirms

There are actual squids that can take over things brains and make them want to be eaten, Sir David Attenborough has confirmed.

Read the full article →

David Attenborough just making animals up now

Thumbnail image for David Attenborough just making animals up now

Many animals in the latest series of Blue Planet, including the Great Yorkle, the False Killer Whale and Hamburglar’s Antelope, were actually ‘made up for a laugh’ by David Attenborough, reports suggest.

Read the full article →

Good guy with a gun fails to prevent 2,945th successive mass shooting

Thumbnail image for Good guy with a gun fails to prevent 2,945th successive mass shooting

America is beginning to wonder precisely when a good guy with a gun is actually going to prevent a mass shooting.

Read the full article →

Big void at centre of Pyramid revealed to be a Starbucks

Thumbnail image for Big void at centre of Pyramid revealed to be a Starbucks

There is a Starbucks at the centre of the Great Pyramids of Egypt.

Read the full article →

“By the way I’m gay” not the right answer to “Did you touch that child?” agrees everyone

Thumbnail image for “By the way I’m gay” not the right answer to “Did you touch that child?” agrees everyone

Kevin Spacey has come out as gay while also apologising for the alleged sexual assault of a 14-year-old boy, which everyone has agreed is “a bit different, if nothing else”.

Read the full article →