Science

Older woman responds to science with ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’ followed by some nonsense

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An older lady reckons the peer-reviewed study she’s just heard about is rubbish and she definitely knows better.

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Nigel Farage greets peers by saying “Wassup, ma gammon”

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Nigel Farage reckons angry, slightly racist white men need to reclaim the word “gammon”.

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New model Tesla to run on burning money

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Tesla is to ‘cut out the middleman’ by launching a car powered by stuffing money into the tank and setting light to it.

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Man decides it’s easier to be climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers

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A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.

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Drinkers urge scientists to make up their bloody minds

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As new research shows that even one drink a day can reduce life expectancy, drinkers have suggested that maybe scientists all sit down in a room and make their bloody minds up.

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Mark Zuckerberg to be fitted with empathy chip

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Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.Mark Zuckerberg is to be upgraded to ‘the full range of human emotions’ as Facebook attempt to defuse their ongoing problems.

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God suffering existential crisis after meeting Stephen Hawking

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Following the passing of the late Professor Stephen Hawking reports from Heaven today indicate that God is suffering an existential crisis having been defeated by Hawking’s logic.

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Average IQ of the human race plummets overnight

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The average intelligence of the human species has plummeted overnight with the news of the passing of renowned scientist, Professor Stephen Hawking.

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Stephen Hawking escapes the physical universe

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Stephen Hawking lived a life which could be observed, but not measured.

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CERN to release Small Hadron Collider for home use

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CERN has announced that they are to release a cut down version of their popular Hadron Collider for use in the home.

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