Science

Medical researchers confirm strong link between vaccines and not dying

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There is a ‘causal link’ between the introduction of vaccines and not keeling over dead from entirely preventable causes before your fifth birthday, doctors have confirmed today.

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God urged to spend less time helping people win sports events

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God has been asked if he could spend less time helping people score winning touchdowns and concentrate on the important stuff.

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NASA detects supermassive Black Hole at centre of Labour spending plans

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A black hole detectable from halfway across the galaxy has been detected at the heart of the Labour manifesto.

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“I disagree with what you say, but will fight to the death to hide it from people’s feeds” Facebook confirms

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Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed his support for an updated version of Voltaire’s saying today.

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If I was that bothered about men bumming each other, I’d have put it in a commandment, insists God

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Following the furore surrounding Liberal leader Tim Farron’s thoughts on gay sex and some homophobic cake-based nonsense, popular deity God has broken his silence on the matter.

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Bullshit study reveals fatal character flaw might be a good thing

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Some pseudo-science shite has suggested the highly annoying thing you do might make you a genius or something.

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One-way trip to Mars looking more attractive by the day

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The company which is offering the chance of a one-way trip to Mars got more signups than the Liberal Democrats yesterday, according to reports.

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Should older voters be made to take a test before retaining control of the country?

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Following a series of disastrous elections, the outcomes for which elderly voters have been largely responsible, many people are asking if older people should be made to take a test to prove they are still competent of exercising control of the country.

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Everyone who watched Doctor Who now gay

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Some five million people who watched the new episode of Doctor Who on Saturday are now gay following the show’s controversial decision to make the new assistant – Bill – a gay woman.

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Star Trek style United Federation of Planets ‘unlikely’ to allow Earth to join

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A report recently commissioned to evaluate the possibility of Earth joining a Star Trek style United Federation of Planets has concluded that if such a federation were to exist, it would be unlikely to allow Earth to join.

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