Science

More than 50% of people on Internet comments threads fail the Turing test

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It’s impossible to tell the difference between most people on the Internet and a very sweary robot, researchers have confirmed.

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Scientists asked to cancel 2016 leap-second

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Scientists have been asked to cancel the 2016 ‘leap second’ because people don’t want this year dragging out any longer than it needs to be.

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Homeopathy ‘100% effective at curing thirst’ admit actual real scientists

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Followers of the mystical art of homeopathy were claiming a major success yesterday, after scientists admitted that homeopathic remedies are wholly effective at curing thirst.

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Google teaches self-driving car to understand ‘wanker!’ hand gesture

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In a major step forward, Google has successfully taught their prototype self-driving car to understand several common road hand-signals, including ‘wanker’, knobhead’, and ‘swivel on this.’

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Reality continues to crumble in the wake of David Bowie’s death

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Six months after the death of David Bowie, normal reality is collapsing at an ever-increasing rate.

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Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

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A gigantic Kraken-like sea monster spotted on Google Earth has been positively identified as the alien demon-god Cthulhu risen from his eternal slumber today.

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Tim Peake enjoys first normal piss in six months

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The relief of standing in front of a urinal can not be underestimated, according to British astronaut Tim Peake this morning.

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Can I stay up here, it sounds really shit down there, asks Tim Peake

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With the people on Earth on a seemingly never-ending quest to find new ways to fuck each other over, UK astronaut Tim Peake has revealed his reluctance to return.

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People that disagree with you are stupid, finds science

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There is a 98% chance that people with an opinion different to yours are mouth-breathing morons, according to science.

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Flies crash head first into windows to ‘show mates how hard they are’

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Top Entomologist Dr Simon Williams has proved that flies repeatedly crash into panes of glass head first because they’re morons who think they’re really tough.

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