Science

Man feeling a bit chilly declares it to be proof that global warming is hoax

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The scientific community has been rocked by the news that a man has proof that global warming is a hoax in the form of him feeling a little bit cold.

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Herbal tea not a proper drink, say experts

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Normal people don’t pour hot water over your nan’s bowl of potpourri and then drink it, experts have confirmed.

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Badgers announce cull of Government Ministers

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Badgers have pledged to bring the number of Government Ministers down to ‘manageable levels’ within five years.

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Richard Dawkins off on one again

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Richard Dawkins is off on one again, we can report today.

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Stephen Hawking detects massive Black Hole at the centre of the Labour Party

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Stephen Hawking has located an enormous sucking object at the centre of the Labour Party, he has announced today.

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Woman successfully offsets huge carbon footprint by sharing climate change article on Facebook

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A woman who drives to the shops in a spotless 4×4 that has never left central London has successfully offset her vast carbon footprint by sharing a harshly worded Facebook link about climate change deniers, it was confirmed last night.

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We made up five-a-day rule for a bet, admit scientists

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Chortling scientists today admitted that they originally made up the five-a-day rule to see how many sprouts they could get people to eat.

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Alien life beyond the solar system already eyeing up UK benefits system, warns Nigel Farage

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Following the discovery of seven Earth-sized planets orbiting a nearby star, Nigel Farage has warned that alien civilisations could already be planning to take advantage of Britain’s “soft-touch” benefits system.

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Trappist-1 immigration website crashes due to heavy demand

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In the wake of the US voting for Trump, Brexit and the BBC losing Strictly, planets in the newly discovered Trappist-1 system have stated that their immigration websites crashed multiple times due to large numbers of earthlings looking to move there.

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President Trump pre-emptively bans immigrants from newly discovered planets that may harbour life

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The Trump administration in the US has reacted to the discovery of potentially habitable planets in the Trappist-1 system by banning anyone who lives there from visiting the US.

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