Science

Trexit could mean intergalactic war, warn Klingons

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In a stark warning issued today, the Klingons cautioned that if Earth leaves the United Federation of Planets – a move widely referred to as ‘Trexit’ – it could plunge the galaxy into an economic recession, or even worse, all-out war.

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Kepler Telescope discovers one thousand earth-like tax havens

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George Osborne and David Cameron may be hiding their money on a planet eleven light years away.

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Second skin breakthrough hated by woman with weird trick hated by dermatologists

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A woman who devised a weird trick that made you look younger and which left her despised by the dermatology industry has today been left furious by the development of an artificial second skin.

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United States adds Algebra to list of terror organisations

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The United States has added followers of Islamic system Al-Gebra to its list of terror organisations today.

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David Attenborough moves to Dagobah to teach next generation of naturalists

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David Attenborough has moved to the jungle moon of Dagobah to train the next generation of naturalists.

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Bernie Sanders supporters make astonishing advances in mathematics whilst trying to prove he can still win

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Supporters of US Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders have made several ‘astounding’ breakthroughs in mathematics by trying to prove he can still win.

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Humanity doomed after cats evolve opposable thumbs

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Scientists believe humanity is ‘pretty much buggered’ after cats evolved opposable thumbs.

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Weasel that sabotaged Large Hadron Collider ‘acted alone’ say Police

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The weasel that shut down the Large Hadron Collider by gnawing through a power cable was a ‘lone wolf’, according to Swiss Police.

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Looking older or being ginger the new Sophie’s Choice

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A new ginger gene linked to looking younger has given vain people the hardest possible choice imaginable.

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Cats also hate being hugged, confirms heavily lacerated man

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Following the discovery that dogs can’t stand being hugged, a man speaking from an intensive care unit has confirmed that the same is true for cats.

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