Science

You should think for yourself and agree with me, insists conspiracy theorist without slightest trace of irony

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An Internet conspiracy theorist has insisted people should think for themselves and agree with him without the slightest trace of irony this morning.

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Genetic editing approved in attempt to eradicate the Katie Hopkins gene

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The controversial process of gene-editing in the embryo has been approved in an attempt to try and genetically restrict any future instances of Katie Hopkins.

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Woman submits husband for ‘Channing Tatum’ gene editing

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A woman has marched her husband into her local genetic research institute and demanded “one Channing Tatum, please”.

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‘If you love something, set it free’ does not apply to doomsday viruses, mad scientists told

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Mad scientists have been told that “If you love something set it free” does not apply to doomsday viruses.

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Newly discovered planet to be named ‘Barry’

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It has been announced that the new theoretical ninth planet will be named ‘Barry’ should its existence be proved.

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We were trying to turn Litvinenko into Spiderman, claims Russia unconvincingly

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Russian agents accused of giving dissident Alexander Litvinenko radiation poisoning have unconvincingly claimed they were trying to turn him into Spiderman.

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Astronomers terrified after huge new planet turns out to be Pluto’s dad

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A huge new ‘9th planet’ discovered at the edge of the solar system is Pluto’s dad and has come to ask why we upset his kid.

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Dyslexic perverts still celebrating Tim Peake’s first spacewank

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Perverts who struggle recognising some words are still celebrating British astronaut Tim Peake masturbating in space.

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No sanction for BBC’s Carol Kirkwood over ‘cold as f*ck’ weather forecast

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The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘cold as fuck.’

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Man binge-watches ‘Making A Murderer’ eagerly awaits forensic science diploma

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A man reckons he’s ready for the world of forensics after watching a television show.

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