Science

Stephen Hawking to replace wheelchair with gigantic golden throne and send his mind into the Warp

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Stephen Hawking wants to replace his wheelchair with a golden throne and send his mind into the Warp, according to a funding proposal submitted today.

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Iceberg insists it can thrive on its own after winning referendum to leave Antarctica

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One of the ten biggest icebergs ever recorded is planning to leave Antarctica immediately after comprehensively winning a referendum on the matter.

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Postman Pat caught delivering four kilos of crack cocaine

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Postman Pat has been caught delivering a shitload of nose powder. The lovable children’s character was caught in a sting at 7:30 am this morning during his rounds, following reports that millions of pounds of drugs are delivered via the Royal mail every year. “This is bullshit!” screamed Postman Pat, from his police cell. “I […]

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What the fuck is a ‘detox’? asks your liver

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Your liver reckons that if you think you need a ‘January detox diet’ then you probably didn’t listen during Biology lessons at school.

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Night sky lambasted for looking ‘too Islamic’

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After a clear night over Britain, the night sky has attracted strong criticism for featuring symbols of Islam, such as a star and a crescent moon.

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Hull named 2017 British City of Culture for a joke

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Hull has been named 2017 city of Culture and they’ve not twigged yet, according to reports.

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December 2015 wakes up in the shower

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In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2015 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.

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Extra leap second will delay Article 50 even further, moan Brexiters

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An extra second at the end of 2016 means Brexit is to be delayed yet again, according to the bellends who voted for it.

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Erosion of Yorkshire coast traced to Lancastrians stealing bits of it

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Top geologists were left reeling today at the shock discovery that the Yorkshire coast is not being eroded by “tectonic stuff” as has long been assumed.

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Britain First fury over plans to bring ISS capsule to the UK

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Britain First have spoken out against the ‘Muslimification’ of space, after Major Tim Peake announced plans to bring his Muslamic capsule from the Islamic Space Station to the UK.

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