Science

Ryanair to offer first budget flights to Kepler-452b Luton airport

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Budget airline Ryanair has stolen a march on the competition by offering discount flights to newly discovered Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, flying into Kepler-452b Luton airport.

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Earth 2.0 equally awful

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Scientists involved in the search for planets beyond our solar system have found the most Earth-like planet yet, and have predicted that it just as unbearable as our own world.

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New Horizons probe gives Pluto scathing 2-star review on TripAdvisor

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Nasa’s New Horizons space probe has given Pluto a scathing 2-star review on TripAdvisor, after a fleeting visit yesterday.

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North Korea invents Bacon

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North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-Un has discovered a new wonder food called ‘Bacon’, the Korean Central News Agency announced today.

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Philae comet probe wakes up dying for a piss and with a mild erection

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The European Space Agency has reported that the Philae comet lander has woken up with an urgent needed to go to the bathroom and was in a mild state of sexual arousal.

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Chimps found drinking alcohol in the wild refusing to set foot in a Wetherspoons

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Chimpanzees who were seen drinking alcoholic tree sap for recreational purposes have flatly refused to set foot in a Wetherspoons, it has been confirmed today.

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Sir Tim Hunt forced to resign because of girls

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Nobel Laureate Sir Tim Hunt has resigned from his honorary post at University College London because of girls.

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New species of ancient Human finally gives scientific explanation for Wayne Rooney

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Anthropologists are rejoicing today after discovering the remains of a new species of human that began the evolutionary trail that led to the existence of Wayne Rooney.

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Stephen Hawking tells One Direction fans of alternate universe in which all band members are dead

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Theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has told One Direction fans around the world that there is a parallel universe in which every member of the boy band is dead.

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Professor Brian Cox to spend three nights staring up into his own anus

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Celebrity astronomer Professor Brian Cox is to spend three consecutive nights staring up his own arse in a new BBC special.

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