Science

Water on Jupiter’s moon Europa already better than in most Spanish hotels

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NASA has announced that water on Jupiter’s moon Europa is already of a better quality than you’d get from a tap in any Spanish hotel.

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Scientists discover humble Mancunian

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A Mancunian has been discovered with humility, shocking the city to its core and leading to promises that he will be eliminated.

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Wasp bastardy at all-time high

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This year has seen the highest levels of wasp bastardy since records began.

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Chinese space station to fall to earth two days after the warranty expires

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China’s first space station has failed and will fall out of orbit after the warranty ran out last Tuesday, we can report.

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‘If the Earth isn’t flat how come I can see to the end of my garden’, scoffs UKIP’s Douglas Carswell

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After being educated on the basic principles of gravity by respected academics, UKIP MP Douglas Carswell has expressed his disbelief by questioning a number of scientific facts.

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Red-shirted Ensign returns to Enterprise completely unharmed

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StarFleet has ordered an immediate enquiry after an Ensign returned completely unharmed from an away mission.

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Family forced to abandon bathroom to massive spider

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A Bristol family’s long-running war against a massive spider has taken a turn for the worst as they were forced last night to cede the bathroom to the arachnid in order to shore up their defences in the rest of the house.

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It’s not actually that difficult, explains rocket scientist

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It’s not actually that difficult according to rocket scientists today.

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Radioactive wild boar in Fukushima exclusion zone ‘turning into orcs’, warn scientists

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A population of wild boar irradiated by the Fukushima disaster present a clear danger of turning into orcs, scientists have warned.

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Artistic impressions of exoplanets need more flying saucers and ray guns, scientists told

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Scientists stand accused of being boring and unimaginative after yet another tedious artist’s impression of a new alien world was released today.

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