Science

NASA launches new project with aim of making a printer that actually works

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NASA have today announced a surprising shift of focus away from Mars and onto a project that will actually benefit humanity.

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Northern Grandma beats up entire Southern pub

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A northern Grandma laid waste to an entire East end pub last night after getting into a fight with a group of men.

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Trump unveils sexy, velour Space Force uniforms

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The uniforms for America’s new Space Force will be designed for smooth comfort and easy access, White House sources have confirmed today.

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Avocado hoping to spend National Avocado Day being celebrated meets horrific end dissolved in stomach acid

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Avocados have been left bitterly disappointed after learning that National Avocado Day is in fact bad news for all of them.

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Scientists find strong causal link between being a stupid prick and denying Climate Change

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Scientists have, for the first time, found ‘smoking gun’ evidence that being a stupid prick is responsible for Climate Change denial.

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Water on Mars already better than in most Spanish hotels

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The European Space Agency has announced that water on Mars is already of a better quality than you’d get from a tap in any Spanish hotel.

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Donald Trump bans apples from US after Putin tells him swallowing pips can make trees grow out of your bum

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Donald Trump has taken the dramatic step of banning apples from the United States after his good friend and trusted confidant Vladimir Putin told him a story about this kid who swallowed some pips and they made a tree grow out of his bottom.

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Older woman responds to science with ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’ followed by some nonsense

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An older lady reckons the peer-reviewed study she’s just heard about is rubbish and she definitely knows better.

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Nigel Farage greets peers by saying “Wassup, ma gammon”

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Nigel Farage reckons angry, slightly racist white men need to reclaim the word “gammon”.

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New model Tesla to run on burning money

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Tesla is to ‘cut out the middleman’ by launching a car powered by stuffing money into the tank and setting light to it.

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