Science

Actual mad scientist busy smearing excrement on whiteboard

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After hiring a mad scientist in the hope of taking innovation to the next level, executives at a leading research firm say the initial results have been disappointing.

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Scientists claim new microscope powerful enough to see George Osborne’s heart

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The UK has earmark £165m to join a project to build a ‘super-microscope’ in Sweden, in the hope of finally gathering evidence than George Osborne has a heart.

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3D printer creates new backbone for Nick Clegg

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A leading orthopaedic surgeon has used the latest 3D printing techniques to create a new backbone for Lib Dem leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

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Scientists discover coldest place on Earth at centre of George Osborne’s chest

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Scientists have declared that the newly discovered black abyss where George Osborne’s heart should be is now officially the coldest place on Earth, having recorded temperatures of -95.6 Celsius.

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Scientists discover ‘chimney’ mispronunciation gene

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Cambridge Scientists believe they may have discovered a genetic defect that makes some people say ‘chimley’ instead of ‘chimney’, according to a study published in the journal Nature.

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NSA delighted by people voluntarily giving fingerprints to computers

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The NSA has welcomed Apple adding fingerprint scanners to their devices, saying it will really add depth to their illegally obtained database of information about you.

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Women to add ‘testicle measurement’ to first date check list

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First date conversations could soon include questions about your career, family and testicle size, men were told this morning.

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Miniature lab-grown brains intending to vote UKIP

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Miniature human brains have been grown in a laboratory in a development which scientists hope will transform our understanding of Nigel Farage.

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Voyager 1 now worried it left the gas on

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Voyager 1 has celebrated leaving the solar system with a panicked radio message asking if someone could check the gas hob at its home.

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Hunters eager to be first to kill newly discovered animal ‘Olinguito’

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Hunters around the world have begun the race to put a bullet in the head of the newly discovered mammal in the cloud forests of Colombia and Ecuador, known as ‘Olinguito’.

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