Politics

Donald Trump becomes first person in nine years to use Bing search engine

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Microsoft has expressed delight today at the news that someone has used their search engine, even if it was the half-witted President of America.

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£25,000 Nigel Farage painting fails to sell because obviously no-one is that stupid

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A painting of Nigel Farage available for just £25,000 has failed to sell, much to the surprise of absolutely no-one, according to the gallery displaying it for the last few weeks.

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Britain to hold referendum on whether to kill John Wick’s dog

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Britain’s voters are to go to the polls once more to decide on the nature of their future relationship with John Wick and his dog, according to reports.

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No-deal Brexit won’t be our fault says man who insisted it would be easiest deal in history

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Liam Fox has insisted that a no-deal Brexit will not be the fault of the UK Government despite insisting in July last year that a deal with the EU would be the “easiest in history” to get.

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Kids should use old fashioned speed and cocaine for energy, insists government

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Drug dealers lauded the government’s initiative to give their industry a much-needed boost by eliminating the competition from energy drinks giants.

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Thousands cringe themselves to death after watching Theresa May dance

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Authorities have declared a medical emergency after several thousand people cringed themselves to death and tens of thousands more suffer severe cringing injuries following Theresa May’s attempts to dance.

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Theresa May hoping to secure lucrative trade deal with Nigerian Prince

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Theresa May is hoping to use her trip Nigeria today to firm up the details of a lucrative low-risk deal with a Prince she has been in email correspondence with over recent months.

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Theresa May’s dancing replaces Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as the worst thing ever filmed

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Theresa May’s attempts at dancing are just about worse than the second (third if you count the brilliant animated original from the 80s) Transformers movie.

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Country where trains are routinely stopped by leaves begins space race with EU

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The UK, a nation that hasn’t launched a rocket into space since 1979, has thrown down the gauntlet to the European Space Agency and decided it would launch a rival GPS network to Galileo despite every single IT project started by the British government turning to utter shit.

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Ireland and Northern Ireland have always got on so I doubt Brexit border will cause a problem, claims Rees-Mogg

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With the issue of a post-Brexit hard border between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland still causing political issues, Jacob Rees-Mogg has stressed that it shouldn’t be a problem, as the two countries have always got on fine anyway.

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