Politics

Donald Trump tells Thanos to “Calm down, Little Gauntlet Man”

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Donald Trump is starting on Thanos.

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Sajid Javid completes satanic blood rite to become Home Secretary

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Sajid Javid last night took part in the traditional satanic blood rite that is the standard requirement for all Conservative holders of the four Great offices of state.

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Sajid Javid promises continuity of Home Office’s utter bastardry

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In an effort to stop Labour capitalizing on Amber Rudd’s resignation, the new Home Secretary, Sajid Javid, has pledged that he will maintain the policy of utter callousness, pointless cruelty, and Kafkaesque treatment of migrants that the British people asked for.

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Amber Rudd resigns due to all the policies Theresa May implemented

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd has resigned after taking responsibility for the policies implemented by Theresa May.

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It’s good for adjacent countries to get along, insists Trump whilst building border wall with Mexico

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President Trump has publicly endorsed the meeting yesterday between the North and South Korean leaders whilst simultaneously doing everything he can to build a sodding great wall along the Mexican border.

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Amber Rudd ‘deeply regrets’ overestimating public indifference to Windrush migrants

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd said on Wednesday that she deeply regretted failing to realise how many people in Britain would actually care about the fate of some migrants.

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Local man thought Kanye was a wanker before it was popular

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Local hipster Simon Williams thought Kanye West was a massive bellend years before anyone else thought of it, he has announced today.

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Windrush immigrants required to wear identification badges

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Home Secretary and lovely, lovely person Amber Rudd has announced that, as a means to identify the Windrush immigrants, they are to be provided with special badges.

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Huge surge in support for anti-Brexit campaigns as Jacob Rees-Mogg threatens to leave country

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Jacob Rees-Mogg’s threat to the leave the country if the Conservative’s abandon Brexit has not had quite the effect he hoped it would.

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Mike Pence offers to pray the gay out of Emmanuel Macron after he kisses Trump TWICE on the cheeks

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Vice President Mike Pence has leapt into action to cure Macron and prevent President Trump catching any gayness after he was kissed on the cheeks by the French president yesterday.

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