Politics

EU treaty veto is bad for UK jobs, but breaking the coalition would be bad for mine, reveals Clegg

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Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has revealed that despite his dismay over David Cameron’s veto of changes to the EU treaty, the most important thing is that he keeps his job as deputy prime minister.

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Alex Ferguson to advise David Cameron on European exits that delight a nation

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Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson is to advise David Cameron on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

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Met Office issues severe George Osborne excuses warning

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Meteorologists have warned that the wintry weather expected to hit the UK in the coming months could lead to the blame for the lack of economic growth shifting back to severe weather conditions.

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George Osborne’s growth plans to focus on creating more clips of Fenton the dog

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Chancellor George Osborne has announced that economic recovery will rely heavily on more people filming angry dog owners shouting ‘Jesus Christ’ at their pets.

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Damaging the economy and inconveniencing millions of people is your job, public sector tells Osborne

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Public sector workers have hit back at Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne after he insisted that today’s strikes will damage the economy and inconvenience millions by reminding him that’s what he’s been doing for the last 18 months.

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‘Lost generation’ gives up hope after day spent with parents in crappy jobs

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As strike action closed many schools for the day, a ‘lost generation’ of youths has realised how bleak their future really is, after being taken into work by their parents.

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John Major already ‘looking forward’ to Iron Lady sequel

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Sir John Major has said he is looking forward to the release of a sequel to ‘The Iron Lady’, the biopic of Margaret Thatcher that hits cinemas next month.

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Government urges nation to limit heart attacks to weekday office hours

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The government has today said the easiest way to improve mortality statistics for serious illnesses is to ensure people only suffer life-threatening incidents between 9 and 5:30 on weekdays.

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Government announces plan to create young workforce of highly skilled shelf stackers

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Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has revealed plans for 400,000 work and training placements which will create a young generation of shelf stackers and burger flippers that will be the envy of the world.

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Public sector strikes to cost economy 1/10th of royal wedding, warn ministers

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Ministers have warned that public sector strikes are bad because they will cost the UK economy £500m, which is roughly 1/10th of the amount that the wedding between the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge cost the economy earlier this year.

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