Politics

Skripal poisoning suspects ‘just massively into Salisbury’, insists Vladimir Putin

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The two suspects at the centre of the Skripal scandal are just ordinary tourists who love everything Salisbury has to offer, according to Vladimir Putin.

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Positivity and optimism blaze forth from ‘no deal’ Brexit group launch

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Britain has been wowed by the optimistic energy displayed by advocates of a ‘no deal’ Brexit who met yesterday.

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Brexiters meet to discuss new excuses for not coming up with coherent alternative Brexit plan

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The ERG has met to formally discuss new excuses for not coming up with their own coherent Brexit plan.

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‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, especially if it is at an abortion clinic’, says Rees-Mogg

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Nineteenth-century gentleman Jacob Rees-Mogg has clarified the circumstances in which it is fine to judge other people.

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Public reminded that primary goal of Brexit is preventing Tory party split

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As the date on which Britain leaves the EU approaches, the public has been reminded that the primary goal of Brexit is not taking back control, greater sovereignty or less brown people, but is the prevention of a split in the Tory Party.

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Bumbling Boris Johnson wishes everybody a “Happy September 11th”

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That whacky Boris Johnson is at it again bumbling his way through another inappropriate sentiment designed to show everyone how he is a man of the people.

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Painting Boris as sex-crazed loon damages him, insist people who’ve learnt f*ck-all from last three years

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Some people with access to newspapers and televisions reckon that panting Boris Johnson as a sex maniac will actually make a difference to his supporters.

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Sweden unveils new tolerant, laid-back kind of fascist

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Sweden’s elections have revealed a significant percentage of the country’s voters are chilled-out, sexy, far-right extremists.

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Tory party facing split between MPs who dislike PM’s Chequers Brexit plan and those who hate it

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Conservative party MPs cannot agree on whether Theresa May’s Brexit plan is poor, or an absolute crock of shite.

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Boris Johnson confident of divorce deal in which he still retains full access to marital bed

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Boris Johnson is confident his split with wife of 25 years will see him negotiate a divorce deal in which he retains full conjugal rights, without having to pay anything for that privilege.

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