Politics

World’s leading sociopath fails empathy hurdle

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The most powerful sociopath in the world has failed to successfully replicate the human emotion of empathy, according to reports today.

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EU migrants have my word they can stay in the UK, says woman who changes her mind like her knickers

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Theresa May has given her word to the UK’s EU migrants that the process to say in the UK after Brexit will be easy and cheap, promising this won’t be like all those other assurances that she’s given in the last couple of years.

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Boris Johnson arrested for torturing a metaphor

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The political world was left in shock after Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson was arrested yesterday for torture of a metaphor.

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Prime Minister’s Questions to be renamed ‘Jeopardy’

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Prime Minister’s Questions is to be named after the game show Jeopardy, with MPs receiving cash prizes for guessing which question Theresa May is actually answering.

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New EU referendum demanded with 3rd option – ‘Brexit, but not organised by these clueless dicks’

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There have been widespread calls for a second EU referendum that will include a third option alongside ‘Leave’ or ‘Remain’ which reads ‘Brexit, but not organised by these clueless dicks’.

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Tory MPs left confused after being urged to vote with their ‘conscience’

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With Parliament set to debate the rollout of Universal Credit, Tory MPs have been left confused after they were urged to ‘vote with their conscience’.

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Theresa May’s EU ‘Come Dine With Me’ special to be shown on Chanel 4 tonight

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The prime minister’s dinner with top EU officials will be broadcast this evening as part of Channel 4’s long-running series, in a television event described as ‘comedy gold’.

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“It’s not like I shot them myself” shrugs Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has pointed out that while he’s been tardy in sending letters out to recently bereaved military families, it’s not like he personally killed them.

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Shock as Theresa May’s warmth and casual charm fail to break Brexit deadlock

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There was consternation in diplomatic circles yesterday, as Theresa May’s notoriously good people skills did not convince Michel Barnier to resume talks without a resolution on the divorce bill.

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EU to blame for European dust coming over here and ruining Britain’s sky, insists UKIP

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UKIP has laid the blame for the murky UK skies squarely at the feet of the EU, for allowing European dust to wander across the border unchecked.

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