Politics

Price of mildly spicy chicken only thing stopping youth from joining our party, claim Tories

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The Conservative Party has lambasted the popular restaurant chain Nando’s for undermining their key strategy of using discounted peri-peri chicken legs to rejuvenate the party’s youth wing and assure the future of the movement.

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Ken Livingstone resigns to spend more time with Hitler

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Ken Livingstone is resigning from the Labour party.

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You can keep your thoughts and prayers because you could fix this yourself, God tells America

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God has rejected America’s latest set of thoughts and prayers following the Santa Fe school shooting, telling them he doesn’t grant prayers for things you can easily fix yourself.

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“I’m not interested in the Royal Wedding” the new “I’m a vegan”

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A man who has no interest in the forthcoming Royal Wedding seems to think that everyone wants him to tell them.

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Making the trains run on time will come naturally to this government, insists Grayling

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Transport Secretary Chris Grayling has said that today’s announcement that the government will take over the running of the East Coast mainline is ‘common sense’ and a natural progression of the wider model that the government already has in place.

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Nigel Farage greets peers by saying “Wassup, ma gammon”

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Nigel Farage reckons angry, slightly racist white men need to reclaim the word “gammon”.

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Outrage after historians discover that Anne Frank used the term ‘gammon’ to describe Nazi soldiers

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Loft-dwelling diarist Anne Frank is facing posthumous criticism today for her description of Nazi soldiers as ‘gammon’.

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Corbyn left shaken after David Miliband announces return to UK politics

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Jeremy Corbyn is bricking it today after a credible leader announced his return to the UK’s political left scene, according to reports.

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Government remains on course to do absolutely f**k all about Brexit

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The government has sought to reassure people that it remains fully on course to do absolutely fuck all about Brexit.

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Israel accuses Palestinian protesters of running in front of their bullets just to make them look bad

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Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has told the international community that Palestinian protesters deliberately ran in front of bullets fired by Israel during yesterday’s border protests in order to make them look bad.

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