Politics

George Osborne shot dead after child falls into his enclosure

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The Chancellor of the Exchequer has been shot to protect a child who fell into his enclosure.

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Jeremy Corbyn unmasked as HYDRA agent

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Plucky, loveable hero Jeremy Corbyn is actually an agent of supranational comic book terror organisation HYDRA, according to a shock revelation today.

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Donald Trump proves the only thing smaller than his hands are his balls

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Republican presumptive nominee for the president, Donald Trump, has today proved the only thing smaller than his hands are his balls after chickening out of a debate with Democrat Bernie Sanders.

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God-fearing nation rejoices at prospect of voting for the Antichrist

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Swathes of God-fearing Christians across the United States were jubilant yesterday, as the living embodiment of pure evil, Donald Trump, effectively secured the Republican nomination for the presidency.

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Dictionary to redefine ‘debate’ as ‘two unpleasant men shouting ‘immigrants’ at each other’

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The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that following the level of discourse surrounding the EU referendum the definition of ‘debate’ will be changed.

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Ben Kenobi feels great disturbance in the Force as Donald Trump secures nomination

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Popular Jedi Ben ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi has revealed that he felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror, at precisely the time Donald Trump secured the Republican presidential nomination.

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Legal Highs not produced by the Government’s friends now banned

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A blanket ban on all legal highs that aren’t from industries with close ties to the Government has come into force in the UK.

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Latest immigration figures give Nigel Farage ‘best erection in years’

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Nigel Farage was left ‘immediately tumescent’ after the release of the net immigration figures for last year.

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Barack Obama ‘just f*cking around now’

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After footage was released of the leader of the free world beat-boxing with a Vietnamese rapper, it became clear that Barack Obama has entered the stage of the Presidency known as ‘just fucking around’.

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Woman refusing to believe LSE post-Brexit economic forecast thinks Eastenders is ‘real’

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A woman who flatly refuses to believe the post-Brexit economic forecast from the London School of Economics happens to believe everything that happens in Albert Square.

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