Politics

Cabinet ministers urged to keep their resignation letters nice and short

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Members of the cabinet have been asked not to waffle on and on when they inevitably resign over the next few hours.

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“No deal is better than a bad deal but please agree to this bad deal so we can have a deal” pleads May

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Theresa May still thinks no deal is better than a bad deal but would quite like us all to crack on with this bad deal anyway, according to reports this afternoon.

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Parliament to be given vote between May’s terrible Brexit deal and catastrophe of no deal

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Prime Minister Theresa May is presenting her Brexit deal to her cabinet colleagues before a parliamentary vote is scheduled on her negotiated terms, which will give MPs the choice between an awful deal, and an even worse one.

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“Come on then, fuckers!” roars drunken Theresa May at Brexit cabinet meeting

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Theresa May has finally snapped and is offering a fist-fight to all who oppose her Brexit plan.

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Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom awake to find horse heads in their beds

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Leading Brexit campaigners Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom have told of waking up to find severed horse heads in their beds.

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“I refuse to be drenched in anything other than hooker piss” confirms Trump

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If it’s not urine, it’s not worth it, according to the President of the United States.

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“You can have a freakshake when you stop being so f*cking fat” confirms government

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No, of course you can’t enjoy a freakshake, you fat sack of shit, confirmed this government this morning.

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Aliens prepared to intervene over Irish backstop

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Creatures from another world are among the latest to suggest Theresa May’s Brexit plan is total wank, it has emerged.

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Couple who named child Farage Rees-Mogg face jail

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A couple with extreme beliefs face jail after it was revealed they had named their child Farage Rees-Mogg.

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Jeremy Corbyn criticised for attending Remembrance Day service in his pyjamas

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The disrespectful leader of the opposition Jeremy Corbyn has shown his disdain for the nation’s brave heroes by attending Sunday’s Remembrance Day service at the Cenotaph in his pyjamas.

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