Politics

If that’s your definition of ‘excellent health’ no wonder you have an obesity epidemic, world tells America

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If a rotund septuagenarian on a fast food diet is your definition of ‘excellent health’, is it any wonder that the country is struggling with an obesity epidemic, the United States has been told today.

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Doctor that declared Trump as being in ‘excellent health’ spotted driving brand new Ferrari

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The physician who conducted Donald Trump’s first presidential medical on Friday has been seen tearing around town in some fancy new wheels, according to reports.

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Aliens demanding “Take us to your leader” urged to keep their expectations low

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Aliens have landed and have been urged to brace themselves for something of a disappointment.

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Theresa May takes credit for chimps evolving into humans

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Following news that Theresa May has taken credit for an EU directive to ban credit card charges, she has now made the claim that the evolution of chimps into humans happened as a direct result of Tory government policy.

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EU left reeling as delegation of British MPs meet Michel Barnier without trying some pathetic media stunt

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Brussels was set abuzz yesterday as a cross-party group of Remain MPs met Michel Barnier but did not invite the press to a cringe-worthy display of jingoism designed to placate senescent tabloid readers in Berkshire.

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Woman who magically found £1bn to save her own job unable to find anything to save 20,000 jobs

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A woman who magically found £1bn of taxpayer money in order to save her own job has admitted she’s struggling to find the government money required to save 20,000 jobs.

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Jeremy Corbyn starts answering questions about Brexit with cryptic folk allusions

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Following an interview on Robert Peston’s flagship show, Mr Corbyn confounded observers by responding to queries on the subject of Labour’s view of Europe with odd references to the farrier’s wife counting her pies on Whitsun’s day.

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‘I am the least racist person’, says Trump clearly confusing ‘racist’ with ‘pleasant’

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Donald Trump has said he is the least racist person you could ever interview as he’s temporarily forgotten what the word “racist” means.

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Saying racist things not racist, insists Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has claimed that making unashamedly racist statements is definitely not racist, and anyone who accuses him of being racist is a racist.

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Henry Bolton forced into ‘Sophie’s choice’ between racist job and racist lover

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UKIP leader and gargoyle Henry Bolton was left with a life-changing decision on whether to keep his racist job or his relationship with a racist woman.

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