Politics

Robert Mugabe insists he is still the best person to provide Zimbabwe with ‘strong and stable leadership’

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The man who has held power in Zimbabwe since 1987 until becoming a victim of a military coup d’etat this week is still insisting that he is the best person to lead the country.

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“Don’t put politics above prosperity,” says man putting politics above prosperity

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With apparently no sense of irony, Brexit secretary David Davis has warned the EU not to put “politics above prosperity”, whilst he simultaneously enacts the economically devastating results of a referendum designed only to unify the Conservative Party.

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Daily Mail criticised for ‘Murder the Remoaner shits with guns’ headline

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The Daily Mail has been criticised for its provocative headline this morning imploring readers to ‘Murder the Remoaner shits with guns’.

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Zimbabwean army takes principled stand against corruption after losing valuable kickbacks

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The heroic Zimbabwean military has clamped down on corruption after discovering Mugabe’s successor was set to give their concessions to someone else.

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Fat and ugly Scots fearful for sex lives as government proposes minimum alcohol price

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The government is proposing a minimum price of 50p per unit of alcohol in Scotland in an effort to stamp out ugly and fat people having sex.

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Suspicions raised as Boris Johnson arrives at work in a tank

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Reports this morning suggest the Foreign Secretary has been spotted pulling up at his office on Whitehall in an armoured vehicle, rather than his customary bicycle.

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“This is not a coup” says man in military uniform who seized television station at gunpoint

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Zimbabwean television viewers have been reassured there is no coup by a man in a uniform with a gun.

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We’ve actually got your money already, Keurig tell protesters

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Keurig coffee makers have reminded morons that if you’ve got one to smash then they’ve already got your money, thanks very much.

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Brexit legislation written entirely in Comic Sans

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The legislation for Brexit is written in the world’s worst font.

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Theresa May meets EU business leaders to start circulating CV

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Sensing her impending demise as PM Theresa May has made an impromptu trip to meet with EU Business leaders, to network and circulate her latest CV.

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