Politics

Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

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Prime Minister David Cameron, in response to Russia’s latest fascist groove thang, is calling on nations to stop purchasing Russian dolls, which get progressively smaller as you open them up.

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Gove: Day 2 of Job ‘A Success’ as Merely Loses Trousers, Slips in Dog Turd

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Sacked Education Secretary Michael Gove pronounced the second day of his new job ‘a complete success,’ having avoided getting locked in the toilet for a second day running.

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Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

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The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of the Royal Mail has been found alive and well in the client accounts of the banks advising on the sale, according to reports this morning.

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Britain’s low paid wondering if they can ‘upgrade to slavery’

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Thousands of Britain’s low paid workers are wondering if they can upgrade to slavery as a result of the Modern Slavery Bill.

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Blow to ‘Yes’ campaign as Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi decrees Scotland part of caliphate

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The campaign for an independent Scotland has suffered a major setback with news that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has decreed that an independent Scotland will be his caliphate’s northern extremity.

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MPs claimed expenses for children’s home visits

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MPs who fiddled with children at a variety of locations have denied fiddling any expenses they ran up. Up to twenty MPs have so far been implicated in the latest expenses scandal, forcing Theresa May to set up a full public inquiry into ‘Fiddlergate’.

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Flexible working hours extended to Dolly Parton

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Dolly Parton will no longer have to work from nine to five under flexible new employment laws, David Cameron has announced.

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Roy Hodgson assisting with Iraq ‘early exit’ strategy

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Sources close to the Pentagon revealed on Monday that Roy Hodgson is being consulted on the creation of an early exit strategy for US forces in Iraq, following their redeployment last week.

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Nigel Farage accuses Nigel Farage of ‘desperate smear campaign’ against Nigel Farage

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Nigel Farage has accused Nigel Farage of a ‘desperate smear campaign’ against Nigel Farage after Nigel Farage set up an offshore trust fund in an obvious attempt to discredit Nigel Farage.

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Tony Blair considering removal of ‘Fixed Iraq’ bullet point from CV

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Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is this morning considering the removal of the section on ‘fixing Iraq’ from his curriculum vitae.

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