Politics

New Tory slogan ‘We’re going to f**king kill you all’ not putting people off

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The controversial new slogan of the Tory party – ‘We’re going to f**king kill you all’ doesn’t appear to have put off any potential voters.

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President Trump congratulated after getting to 100 days without grabbing anyone by the pussy

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The Republican party will be celebrating this weekend to mark Donald Trump successfully managing to resist the urge to grab any females by their genitals during his first one hundred days in power.

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Stoke-on-Trent electorate granted restraining order against Paul Nuttall

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The electorate of Stoke-on-Trent have been granted a temporary restraining order against Paul Nuttall amid fears that he’s going to stand as an MP there for the second time in 6 months.

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Theresa May ejected from McDonald’s after repeated ‘strong, stable leadership’ responses jam drive-thru

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A four-hour stand-off developed at a McDonald’s restaurant yesterday as the Prime Minister stonewalled a drive-thru order point with continuous irrelevant replies citing ‘strong, stable leadership’.

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Conservatives will increase employment of made up words if elected, promises Boris Johnson

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Blonde buffoon Boris Johnson has promised that if successful in the forthcoming election the Conservatives will dedicate significant time and resources towards increasing the employment of archaic or completely made up words.

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Trump tax cuts will be covered by Mexico paying the entire US budget, pledges White House

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Almost a trillion dollars of tax cuts will be covered by Mexico paying the US budget, Donald Trump has pledged today.

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Jeremy Corbyn declines open goal

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Jeremy Corbyn has declined a televised shot on goal unless Theresa May is there to have a go at saving it.

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Ministry of Magic criticises Boris Johnson for calling Jeremy Corbyn a ‘muggle’

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“I meant to call him a squib”, insists Johnson.

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‘Bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan,’ says Theresa May

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Prime Minister Theresa May rallied her supporters with the rousing words ‘bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan.’

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Warmaster Horus to stand as ‘anti-Establishment’ candidate in election

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Warmaster Horus has blamed ‘biased media’ and a rigged system for his poor showing in the polls, but insisted he can still defeat the Emperor.

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