Politics

Schrodinger’s Burkha represses women while also empowering them to be a volatile security risk

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The burkha represses women but also increases the likelihood of them posing a risk to security, somehow, according to reports this morning.

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Jeremy Corbyn denies links to Dick Dastardly

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Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has today denied links to well-known scoundrel and bad egg Dick Dastardly, after photographs emerged of the two sharing a car.

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Government grateful to car crash outside Westminster for distracting people from the car crash inside Westminster

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The government has this morning expressed its gratitude to the car crash outside Westminster for distracting the nation from the car crash currently unfolding inside the building.

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Jeremy Corbyn laid wreath for Hans Gruber outside Nakatomi Plaza

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Jeremy Corbyn caused huge controversy last night, as pictures emerged of him laying a wreath for terrorists associated with the 1988 Christmas Eve incident at Nakatomi Plaza.

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Government to end homelessness by redefining cardboard box as ‘a home’

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The government has pledged to end homelessness with new measures to redefine what counts as a home.

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Government to end homelessness within ten years by killing the homeless

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Theresa May has announced plans to end homelessness by the year 2027 via a rigorous process of targeted slaughter.

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Middle-class white males abused in the street following personal attacks on Boris Johnson

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Personal attacks against Boris Johnson have left oafish, white buffoons feeling vulnerable on the UK’s streets, it has emerged.

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People with too much faith in mankind expecting N-word tape to hurt Trump’s popularity with his supporters

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As claims resurfaced that Donald Trump repeatedly used racial slurs while filming The Apprentice, people who have unwarranted confidence in the American public still believe that such a recording would destroy him, despite evidence that many his supporters actually like his bigotry.

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Boris Johnson’s guide to the perfect PR tea tray

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RUFF-RAH! Yes, it’s me, Boris Johnson, the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, once this Brexit mess that I helped create is out of the way.

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British manners declared dead as Boris doesn’t apologise purely for being rude

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Personal attacks on people’s appearance no longer warrant an apology, according to society today.

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