Politics

Poor people urged to give up benefits for Lent

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The government has this morning asked poor people across the country to consider giving up state handouts for Lent.

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‘I won it, I keep it. Now get out,’ Trump tells New Hampshire residents

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Republican presidential candidate and experimental hair pioneer Donald Trump won the New Hampshire primary last night but seemed to be under the impression that by winning the state, he got to keep it.

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Half-life of Labour nuclear policy falls to less than 24 hours

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The half-life of any Labour nuclear policy now is less than 24 hours, making it extremely unstable and reactive, scientists have warned.

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Leave EU and Calais migrant ‘jungle’ could relocate to your back garden, says PM

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The Prime Minister stands accused of scaremongering over his claims that leaving the EU would see migrant camps such as the one in Calais spring up in everyone’s back gardens.

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Cameron ‘scaremongering’ over Europe, insists paper that scaremongers over Europe

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David Cameron is whipping up fears over the EU, according to the people who routinely do that sort of thing.

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Dr Adam Osborne’s politician brother caught fucking vulnerable nation

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The family of suspended psychiatrist Dr Adam Osborne has been left further embarrassed after it was revealed his politician brother George has been fucking a vulnerable country.

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Donald Trump pledges to rename waterboarding ‘The Ice Bucket Challenge’

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Donald Trump has pledged to reintroduce waterboarding but rename it ‘The Ice Bucket Challenge’ if elected.

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IMMIGRATION ARMAGEDDON! Landmass could form supercontinent in as little as 25 million years!

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Left-leaning tectonic plates could lead to Britain’s borders being encroached by landmass crawling with foreigners by the year 25002016.

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Jeremy Corbyn to headline #JC4PM tour with performance of Kraftwerk’s Man-Machine

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The organisers of the #JC4PM tour have announced that the headline act will be Jeremy Corbyn himself who will perform Kraftwerk’s Man-Machine album in its entirety.

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Julian Assange to emerge from Ecuadorian embassy in desperate bid for attention

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Julian Assange is to emerge from the Ecuadorian embassy after noticing people have stopped paying attention to him, he has announced.

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