Politics

Jeremy Corbyn practising his reading of ‘Hell yes, I’m tough enough’ before Paxman interview

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is to spend the day practising saying ‘Hell yes, I’m tough enough’ before being interviewed by Jeremy Paxman in the evening.

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Presidential trip judged a success after Trump doesn’t soil himself or punch anyone

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The White House has hailed Donald Trump’s visit to Europe and the Middle East a success after the President succeeded in neither publicly soiling himself or punching anyone.

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UK Threat Level reduced from ‘critical’ after failing to provide sufficient poll boost for Theresa May

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The UK terror threat level has been reduced from ‘critical’ to ‘severe’ after failing to have the impact on Theresa May’s popularity as was initially hoped.

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Total female nudity “would boost all women’s vitamin D” says UKIP

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Just hours after proposing a burqa and niqab ban on the grounds that it would boost Muslim women’s vitamin D levels, UKIP have revised their manifesto to include a “mandatory public nudity” clause for all women.

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Melania Trump seeks asylum in Sicily

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Melania Trump has escaped high security at the G7 summit in Sicily and is believed to be seeking asylum in the island’s capital Palermo.

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Boris gives UN speech with penis poking out of trousers

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There was embarrassment at Number 10 this morning after it emerged that at April’s UN summit Boris Johnson gave a 40 minute speech without realising that his penis was poking out of the front of his trousers.

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Every bathroom in Britain to receive complimentary UKIP manifesto

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The UKIP election slogan is “Soft, strong and very very long”, according to the manifesto launched today.

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BBC to launch whole new channel to promote UKIP manifesto

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Following its experiment of giving UKIP a seat on Question Time every week, the BBC has announced that it will be introducing a whole new channel to focus solely on the party’s manifesto.

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Donald Trump grabs Pope by the pussy

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There were red faces in the Trump administration after it emerged that on meeting the Pope, the President of the United States attempted to grab him by the groin.

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You have 24 hours before we release Andrew Neil, BBC tells terrorists

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The BBC has given terrorists a one day warning before they unleash Andrew Neil on them.

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