Health

I’m a bit OCD, claims man who doesn’t have first f**king clue what OCD is

Thumbnail image for I’m a bit OCD, claims man who doesn’t have first f**king clue what OCD is

A man has claimed to be a bit OCD, despite not having the first f**king clue what Obsessive Compulsive Disorder actually is.

Read the full article →

Stephen Hawking escapes the physical universe

Thumbnail image for Stephen Hawking escapes the physical universe

Stephen Hawking lived a life which could be observed, but not measured.

Read the full article →

Donald Trump to give all Americans radioactive poison to protect country from Russian agents

Thumbnail image for Donald Trump to give all Americans radioactive poison to protect country from Russian agents

President Trump today declared that Britain had been ‘weak’ in allowing former spy Sergei Skripal to be poisoned in Salisbury yesterday, insisting that following the death of Alexander Litvinenko in 2006, all UK residents should have been armed with a ‘cupful’ of polonium-210.

Read the full article →

Insomniac prescribed six episodes of latest season of The Walking Dead

Thumbnail image for Insomniac prescribed six episodes of latest season of The Walking Dead

A woman struggling with her sleep has been advised to watch The Walking Dead.

Read the full article →

Short man massively overcompensating at the gym

Thumbnail image for Short man massively overcompensating at the gym

A shorter-than-average man appears to be compensating for something in the effort of his workouts, we can confirm today.

Read the full article →

Long-term Heroin addict blames fruit tea for f*cked up teeth

Thumbnail image for Long-term Heroin addict blames fruit tea for f*cked up teeth

Heroin addict, Simon Williams, insists his frankly alarming dental health is a result of necking too much chamomile, it has emerged.

Read the full article →

UK life expectancy jumps as KFC forced to close for 24 hours

Thumbnail image for UK life expectancy jumps as KFC forced to close for 24 hours

Britons are expected to live an average of two years longer as a result of KFC closing yesterday, according to reports.

Read the full article →

Julian Assange planning romantic Valentine’s dinner with his right hand

Thumbnail image for Julian Assange planning romantic Valentine’s dinner with his right hand

Global freedom-fighter Julian Assange is to have a candlelit dinner in his cupboard with the love of his life, Julian Assange.

Read the full article →

Mike Pence in perfect health after having his prostate checked for the 53rd week in a row

Thumbnail image for Mike Pence in perfect health after having his prostate checked for the 53rd week in a row

WASHINGTON DC, UNITED STATES – It was announced today that thanks to frequent checks, Vice President Mike Pence’s prostate remains in sturdy health and his rectal cavity is showing no signs of abnormalities.

Read the full article →

Norovirus outbreak sees Winter Olympic staff break sprinting records in mad dash for toilets

Thumbnail image for Norovirus outbreak sees Winter Olympic staff break sprinting records in mad dash for toilets

An outbreak of the norovirus in the host city of the 2018 Winter Olympics has seen most existing sprinting records broken, according to reports.

Read the full article →