UK Spoof News and Satire

Health

Only MPs and drug dealers are opposed to the decriminalisation of drugs, reveals everyone

After ex-MI5 chief Baroness Manningham-Buller called for cannabis to be decriminalised it was revealed that the only people that are still opposed to such a move are MPs and drug dealers.

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Nick Knowles fails to calm A&E department with massive cut-out of himself

Nick Knowles has abandoned plans to make A&E departments a calmer place to stay, after critics claimed his presence was just making things worse.

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Drug addicts defend right to take drugs in cars

Despite calls from the British Medical Association to ban drug-taking in cars, drug addicts have today defended their right to get a fix when they are in their own car.

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Tesco apologises after salad leaf found in packet of dead bird

Tesco has today launched a full investigation after a packet of dead bird purchased in one of its stores was found to contain some salad leaves.

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Food poisoning provides authentic Indian holiday experience, insists Loyd Grossman

After jars of his Korma sauce were found to contain the bacteria Clostridium Botulinum, Loyd Grossman insisted that the sauce will allow consumers to experience a taste of an authentic holiday in India involving several days sat on the toilet with their heads in the sink.

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First privatised NHS hospital announces minimum dress code

A ground-breaking privatised NHS hospital has been welcomed by ministers after the new owners insisted that going upmarket and introducing a minimum dress code will keep out the riff-raff.

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False hope should be available on the NHS, insists Archbishop of York

The Archbishop of York has insisted during a debate in the House of Lords that the NHS bill for England must feature health care that is centred around his belief that you can cure someone by having a jolly good pray and lighting a candle.

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Dietitians urge Scots to adopt English diet of pasties on motorways

Dietitians claim up to 4,000 lives a year could be saved in Scotland, if people adopted ‘a more English’ diet of hastily consumed pre-packed service station pastries.

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Relief as drug that killed Amy Winehouse proves to have been fully taxable

There was relief among the public yesterday after it emerged that the overdose which killed Amy Winehouse was from one of those drugs which provides significant tax revenue for the government.

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