Health

‘Would you like an ice cream?’ asks parent who really fancies an ice cream

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A parent has pretended they were giving their child a treat when in fact they just wanted some ice cream themselves, according to reports this morning.

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Man wearing shorts realises how much urine routinely splashes over his legs

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A man who donned a pair of shorts in the recent hot weather has realised with horror just how much pee splatters up from the urinal onto his legs during a normal toilet visit.

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Adolf Hitler blames former racism on Herbal Nytol

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The spectral apparition of Adolf Hitler has suggested his fondness for genocide stems from taking Herbal Nytol, in a candid, posthumous interview.

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Tony the Tiger spotted outside local job centre

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Government proposals for a ban on cartoon characters advertising sugary breakfast cereals have resulted in a number of high-profile job losses.

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Breakfast cereal boxes must look dull and boring, insist MPs

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MPs have called for all breakfast cereal to be sold in plain brown packaging in further steps to stop it appealing to the children it is specifically designed for.

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Irish women voting to have as much control over their bodies as they do over their emails

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On the day that new laws come into force ensuring that women in Ireland will have full control over their mailbox, the nation is voting on whether this should be extended to include full control over their uterus.

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Irish voters urged to drag nation into 20th Century

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Ireland goes to the polls today to vote in a national referendum on whether women should be allowed to decide how their bodies are used, or not.

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Germs shock international community by pulling out of ‘five-second rule’ agreement

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The Department of Health has received a notice from the germ community informing them that they are withdrawing from the five-second deal with immediate effect.

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Woman on a health kick goes entire month without alcohol, dairy, red meat or happiness

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A woman on a strict health regime has successfully reduced her carbs and happiness by almost 100% in the last month, according to friends.

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UK Hospitals full of blood and knife wounds claims President Trump

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The President of the United States has said in a speech in front of the National Rifle Association that UK hospitals were awash with blood and were a “war zone” of knife wounds.

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