Health

Bastards call for end to office ‘cake culture’

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Bastards have criticised ‘workplace cake culture’ saying it contributes to being happy and making work tolerable.

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Everyone struggling to cope without Prosecco and Quality Street for breakfast

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The first day back to work for people after Christmas has proven difficult due to many businesses in the country frowning on employees breakfasting on a glass of prosecco and a handful of Quality Street.

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December 2015 wakes up in the shower

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In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2015 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.

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Middle-aged don’t give a shit

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Having realised that everything is shit and unlikely to improve, four-fifths of middle-aged adults have decided to fuck it all off.

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Teenager who hates vegetables creates fake news health alert about sprouts

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A young computer genius with an intense hatred of green veg has unleashed a cunning plan to get out of eating sprouts on Christmas Day.

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Quality Street to be renamed Quantity Street

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Nestle is to respond to the demands of their average customer by changing the name of Quality Street to Quantity Street.

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Man eats sprout

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The nation is in shock this morning after a man voluntarily ate a Brussels sprout.

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‘Brushing teeth at work’ added to psychopath test

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People who brush their teeth at work are almost certainly psychopaths, according to experts.

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Man finally has excuse for not trimming his pubic hair

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39-year-old Simon Williams has announced his delight at his policy of avoiding pubic topiary finally being vindicated.

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Sugar-free healthy advent calendars remain unopened

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Alternative advent calendars full of healthy ‘treats’ given to staff at a local firm remain ominously unopened this morning, according to sources close to the matter.

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