Health

Government to ignore expert advice on drug laws and instead base policy on series 9 & 10 of Grange Hill

Thumbnail image for Government to ignore expert advice on drug laws and instead base policy on series 9 & 10 of Grange Hill

Following calls by William Hague to review Britain’s drug laws, the government has insisted that it will rely instead on the plight of Samuel ‘Zammo’ Maguire from Grange Hill to inform policy.

Read the full article →

Huge blow for England World Cup chances as Danny Welbeck fails to injure himself in training

Thumbnail image for Huge blow for England World Cup chances as Danny Welbeck fails to injure himself in training

Huge blow for England World Cup chances after Danny Welbeck fails to injure himself in training

Read the full article →

Relief as McDonald’s ditch plastic straws but keep plastic cheese

Thumbnail image for Relief as McDonald’s ditch plastic straws but keep plastic cheese

McDonald’s will be ditching their harmful plastic but keeping the tasty plastic.

Read the full article →

Use a f*cking cloth to wipe up your mess, furious tea towels tell disgusting nation

Thumbnail image for Use a f*cking cloth to wipe up your mess, furious tea towels tell disgusting nation

A furious tea towel has urged ‘for the love of God’ that the nation cease and desist from using him and his kind to mop up their pasta sauce and coffee spills when there are perfectly suited sponges and dishcloths available for precisely that task.

Read the full article →

Syphilis and Gonorrhoea to be named as ‘most improved diseases’ at national awards ceremony

Thumbnail image for Syphilis and Gonorrhoea to be named as ‘most improved diseases’ at national awards ceremony

This year’s British Awards for Infectious Diseases (BAID) is set to be dominated by comeback kings Syphilis and Gonorrhoea, following their fantastic performances to become the most improved diseases of the year, with increases of 20 and 22 per cent respectively.

Read the full article →

‘Would you like an ice cream?’ asks parent who really fancies an ice cream

Thumbnail image for ‘Would you like an ice cream?’ asks parent who really fancies an ice cream

A parent has pretended they were giving their child a treat when in fact they just wanted some ice cream themselves, according to reports this morning.

Read the full article →

Man wearing shorts realises how much urine routinely splashes over his legs

Thumbnail image for Man wearing shorts realises how much urine routinely splashes over his legs

A man who donned a pair of shorts in the recent hot weather has realised with horror just how much pee splatters up from the urinal onto his legs during a normal toilet visit.

Read the full article →

Adolf Hitler blames former racism on Herbal Nytol

Thumbnail image for Adolf Hitler blames former racism on Herbal Nytol

The spectral apparition of Adolf Hitler has suggested his fondness for genocide stems from taking Herbal Nytol, in a candid, posthumous interview.

Read the full article →

Tony the Tiger spotted outside local job centre

Thumbnail image for Tony the Tiger spotted outside local job centre

Government proposals for a ban on cartoon characters advertising sugary breakfast cereals have resulted in a number of high-profile job losses.

Read the full article →

Breakfast cereal boxes must look dull and boring, insist MPs

Thumbnail image for Breakfast cereal boxes must look dull and boring, insist MPs

MPs have called for all breakfast cereal to be sold in plain brown packaging in further steps to stop it appealing to the children it is specifically designed for.

Read the full article →