Health

Warning to consumers that coffee shop smugness ‘varies significantly’

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The level of smugness found in high street coffee shops varies considerably, a report revealed today.

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Government urges nation to limit heart attacks to weekday office hours

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The government has today said the easiest way to improve mortality statistics for serious illnesses is to ensure people only suffer life-threatening incidents between 9 and 5:30 on weekdays.

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UK women celebrate ‘fattest in Europe’ title with a slice of cake

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Women across the UK have reacted positively to being crowned the ‘fattest women in Europe’ by toasting each other with a nice bit of cake.

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Andrew Lansley defends product placement in hospital wards

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Health secretary Andrew Lansley has defended the use of ‘product placement’ in NHS wards, after a number of patients complained that the stitches they’d received bore an uncanny likeness to well-known company logos.

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Doctors to make tissues and Lucozade available on prescription

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Frustrated by the number of patients who demand antibiotics to treat common colds, the NHS has decided to make Lucozade, tissues and big mugs of sippy lemon drink available on prescription.

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Only MPs and drug dealers are opposed to the decriminalisation of drugs, reveals everyone

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After ex-MI5 chief Baroness Manningham-Buller called for cannabis to be decriminalised it was revealed that the only people that are still opposed to such a move are MPs and drug dealers.

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Nick Knowles fails to calm A&E department with massive cut-out of himself

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Nick Knowles has abandoned plans to make A&E departments a calmer place to stay, after critics claimed his presence was just making things worse.

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Drug addicts defend right to take drugs in cars

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Despite calls from the British Medical Association to ban drug-taking in cars, drug addicts have today defended their right to get a fix when they are in their own car.

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Tesco apologises after salad leaf found in packet of dead bird

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Tesco has today launched a full investigation after a packet of dead bird purchased in one of its stores was found to contain some salad leaves.

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Food poisoning provides authentic Indian holiday experience, insists Loyd Grossman

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After jars of his Korma sauce were found to contain the bacteria Clostridium Botulinum, Loyd Grossman insisted that the sauce will allow consumers to experience a taste of an authentic holiday in India involving several days sat on the toilet with their heads in the sink.

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