Health

NHS to introduce ‘One in, One out’ policy at Accident and Emergency

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has announced that the Accident and Emergency departments at UK hospitals will now operate the ‘one in, one out’ policy commonly used at busy nightclubs.

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Disabled man just one more benefit cut from having sufficient incentive to walk again

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Wheelchair-bound benefit claimants have said the looming cuts to their benefits could be just what they need to get back on their feet.

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Heston Blumenthal spotted buying cheap snail porridge in Asda

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Top Chef Heston Blumenthal has been snapped buying bulk £1 bags of snail porridge in his local branch of ADSA.

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OK, maybe the NHS isn’t going to get any more money, concedes Brexiter

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As the NHS crisis continues, Brexit voter Simon Williams has reluctantly conceded that maybe the health service won’t be getting any extra Brexit money after all.

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Police issue warning about dangers of black market iceberg lettuce

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With news that the country is facing a national shortage of iceberg lettuces, police have issued a warning against buying iceberg lettuces from illegal black market suppliers.

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The Very Hungry Caterpillar given gastric band

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A caterpillar with a serious eating disorder is to be given a gastric band on the NHS.

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People who did ‘Dry January’ not feeling so smug this morning, reveals study

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People who absolved from alcohol throughout January are today feeling like shit warmed up, a study has revealed.

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Budweiser reclassified as fruit juice in latest round of EU regulations

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Budweiser is so piss-weak it has been classified as a fruit juice in the latest round of EU regulations.

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New study finds crisps could prevent Necrotising Fasciitis

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A new made-up scientific study has shown that eating crisps could prevent the flesh-eating disease Necrotising Fasciitis.

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Arkham Asylum closed after Donald Trump blames mental illness on vaccines

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Donald Trump has cut funding for Arkham Asylum after blaming inmates’ mental illnesses on vaccines.

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