Health

£350m per week saved from EU to be spent implementing NHS cuts

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The cost of implementing swingeing cuts to NHS hospitals across the country will be covered by the £350m previously spent on the EU, according to reports today

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You can’t make a shitload of money from privatisation without breaking a few hospitals, confirms Jeremy Hunt

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Following the publication of a report by the British Medical Association that has warned that the NHS is at ‘breaking point’, the ever popular Health Secretary has expressed delight that everything is going according to plan.

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NHS patients waiting up to five hours to thump Jeremy Hunt

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Waiting times for decking Jeremy Hunt have reached record levels.

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Thing I am in charge of performing terribly, says man taking no responsibility whatsoever

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has told reporters that the NHS problems are unacceptable, seemingly unaware that he is responsible for causing said problems.

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Man sitting in A&E with a cold insists NHS crisis ‘due to immigrants’

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A man sat waiting in A&E because he is sure his cold is life-threatening has expressed his anger at the immigrants causing a crisis in the NHS.

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Grey pubic hair treated like sign of impending apocalypse

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After finding a grey pubic hair, 35-year-old Simon Williams has reacted as if it is a sign that the world is coming to an end.

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Waiting in A&E ‘no longer fun’

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All of the joy has been sucked out of waiting in an emergency room.

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NHS to introduce ‘One in, One out’ policy at Accident and Emergency

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has announced that the Accident and Emergency departments at UK hospitals will now operate the ‘one in, one out’ policy commonly used at busy nightclubs.

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Disabled man just one more benefit cut from having sufficient incentive to walk again

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Wheelchair-bound benefit claimants have said the looming cuts to their benefits could be just what they need to get back on their feet.

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Heston Blumenthal spotted buying cheap snail porridge in Asda

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Top Chef Heston Blumenthal has been snapped buying bulk £1 bags of snail porridge in his local branch of ADSA.

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